Just Because You’re Broken Doesn’t Mean It’s Over

That’s what we usually think when we go through an experience that breaks us in half. The pain is so great we can’t find a way out, and sometimes, we don’t want to find a way out. Because if we do, the doubt of feeling that pain again more intensely makes us withdraw from even trying to heal ourselves.

We choose familiar pain over an unfamiliar one. At least, it seems that the pain we got used to doesn’t hurt as it once did, and that pain is controllable in a way. It won’t surprise us.

Things like these challenge our core values, our mental strength, and our soul with questions like:

Answering these questions is harder than it sounds.

The most deserving of people might find themselves alone, pushed to the side, while in reality, they’re the ones who should be popular for their extremely pure nature, how they sacrifice things for the people they care about, how they go to such extent to remain good even if the world is tempting them to join the other side.

They might feel broken for not deserving what they clearly deserve. What are they supposed to do then? What answers should they give themselves after asking questions like these?

I’m not going to be overly optimistic and claim that each one of us will get what we deserve in the end. I believe we get what we get. But I am going to be a realist and say you might have a chance to get a happy ending, and you might have the opportunity to get a harrowing ending.

Life works in mysterious ways, we don’t know what causes what. It just happens sometimes as the result of complete chaos, we might find meaning to that chaos, but we also might not.

In a way, we’re moving into the unknown every day. We don’t know if something terrible is going to happen, or if something life-changing is going to happen as well. We’re always moving forward into a foggy field slowly uncovering itself.

The reason you think it’s over is because you’re confusing the fog with a wall.

As long as you’re alive, you don’t know what will happen to you even if you engineer it. You might claim to choose a career, but what makes you confident life is going to follow your plans? You might claim to choose a life, but what does life really say about it?

The reason you think it’s over is because you feel you have reached the end, but you’re clearly alive, so that’s not it.

I’m going to state again that I’m not overly optimistic, and before anybody wastes their time complaining about how I’m not taking into consideration people who are in a war struggling to survive, or homeless people who are just trying to find what to eat.

Those require a different conversation, if you’re here reading on Medium, it means your life is comfortable enough for you to not think about any of your desires and read something.

Those people don’t, they are busy surviving. That’s why I’m writing to you and not to them. You who have a life that they dream of, blessings they can only imagine. That’s why I’m writing to you, so you don’t waste the gift you have been given.

Back to our issue, I think it takes a while for pain to settle down and lift its spell to give us the freedom of hope we once had. A heartbreak might cause someone to completely give up on being with someone in the future or finding love. A broken dream might cause someone to find no joy in life, and no reason to live. But there is always hope whether you believe in it or not.

A small interaction with a person can lead to a marriage, a small favor to someone can cause a change in your career.

I used to be a strong nihilist, and I know the various perspectives from which many people are glancing at life. It might not have any meaning, I agree. But it doesn’t have to have the meaning we fantasize about it, waking up one day knowing why we’re here is a myth. We’re never going to understand why we’re here, but we don’t need THAT meaning. We only need a few things to give ourselves the meaning we forget we truly need.

Some might chase love, some might chase success, and some might chase both. That’s clearly not an answer to why we’re here, but it’s clearly an answer to what we could be doing here and the meaning they choose to give themselves.

That’s the same with feeling it’s the end of it all after being broken, and feeling as if you don’t have anything else in storage for you.

You’re demanding an answer nobody can give to you, you’re chasing a guarantee that life is going to treat you kindly in the future and give you what you deserve, but it’s not, and nobody can give you that. It’s sad, it might even sound depressing, but it’s freeing.

You don’t have to expect anything from the future and focus on taking your attention to the present. What do you have now you can be grateful for? What do you have now you can work on?

When you forget about the future for a while and choose to look into the present, you’ll find plenty of things you can change, things you can develop, things you can let go of.

It sounds simple, but letting go of the desire of wanting to control the future will free you from any responsibility that isn’t yours. It’s life’s responsibility to choose your future, you can only work to change it a bit for your favor, but you’ll never have control over it.

The success you have today might be ruined tomorrow, the person you’re with today might betray you tomorrow. But also, the hate you feel today might turn into the love you feel tomorrow, and the dreams you pursue today might come to reality tomorrow.

It’s never the end when you free yourself from wanting to write your own end.