Living a happy life is a hard task nowadays. We’re bombarded with messages of successful people, who themselves are bombarded with another level of success they feel obligated to reach. And if we’re not busy trying to predict our future, we dwell on the past. (This is what I’m guilty of it the most).

We forget a happy life is about the present, the things we live instead of the things we lived or will live. The present is what makes a happy, and according to the philosophy of stoicism, it’s about control.

You probably heard the term stoicism in many articles here. Whether on a Tim Denning article, Ryan Holiday, or any famous self-improvement writer and content creator. But the thing is, stoicism has turned into a sales tactic, a keyword that marketers use to sell more and introduce philosophy as superior knowledge they have, while in reality, it is pretty much accessible to anyone.

I’m not going to discuss in depth what stoicism is, but I’m going to talk about what is a happy life from a stoicism perspective and to do that, I need to define it first.

According to Google, stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.

While I don’t agree 100% with this definition, it somehow introduces the concept of control, which I will talk about in a minute. But stoicism isn’t just a simple act of enduring hardships and pain. As long as you’re alive, you are somehow handling pain.

The question is are you handling pain AND living a happy life?

The concept of control is what I want to talk about here, we are creatures who love control. We’re controlling the whole world for god’s sake, not even Mother Nature is safe from us. This is why we tell ourselves that control equals happiness, but it doesn’t. It’s the lack of control that is (I’ll explain).

The way I see stoicism is that it’s a philosophy and a mode of thought where an individual clearly draws the line between what is in their control and what isn’t. The more they philosophize and think, the more they’ll come to the conclusion that the only thing they can pretty much control is their mind, their reaction, their thoughts, and their behaviors.

Yes, there is the subconscious mind at play, but we often forget that the things we actively do influence our subconscious. That’s why building new habits changes the subconscious, and we do that by actively thinking and doing it.

Otherwise, we’ll be stuck doing the same habits and having the same behavior for all of our lives.

So…

That’s it.

That’s all there is.

Why?

Here’s an example. Let’s say you got out and you were hoping for a sunny day but it turned out it was raining, your plans of going out got canceled and you stayed home instead of having fun (introverts would be delighted). You’re getting depressed and the whole mood is falling off, but with stoicism, it tells you that rain and the weather aren’t in your control, you can’t make it stop raining, and you can’t turn back time. You’re stuck in the situation you’re in right now, why not make it something good?

The only thing you can control at that moment is your mind and your reaction. After all, there are plenty of things to do at home that could make you happy. It’s just how you see things, and how much you are able to resist the urge of controlling everything.

If you try to control everything, you’ll probably end up controlling nothing. It’s better to focus on your mind and your thoughts, to have a safe space within before trying to bend the world for your will, it doesn’t work like that.

Instead, a happy life is where you are in a flow state (inspired by the yin and yang philosophy), where you are aware of the world around you, and even if life is happening at you, you turn it into a life that is happening from you by letting go and focusing on yourself and your mind.

That’s how you live a happy life.

Of course, the tougher the situation the harder it’ll be to apply it. When you get fired, it’s pretty much impossible for any of us to remain calm, or when you get cheated on by a partner. Those situations infuriate us and we can’t control our temper which could result in some permanent consequences, but when you try at least to take into consideration that the company you worked for is uncontrollable, you know from the start they will fire you one day, or best case you’ll retire. You know there is a risk that your partner could betray you, and you can’t fully know someone or how they will react in entirely new situations.

That’s why, you pretty much have nothing to do other than decide how those situations will impact your life. Either they control you, or you do.