Someone once told me I look like a selfish and arrogant guy who doesn’t care about the world.

This couldn’t be far from the truth. I’m not selfish, and I’m not arrogant. I’m against these 2 things, but now that I reflect on it, I had some signs that portrayed me as some bad person or someone you wouldn’t consider good even if I was.

I didn’t know I had them until I started thinking about it, and after much introspection, here are the 5 signs that made me look like a bad person:

I’m an introvert, I like staying at home and watching movies. I like going out alone listening to music and taking a walk. I like reading alone in a café that’s not too crowded, I like a quiet place where I feel at home but not precisely at home.

Being an introvert, when I go out, I tend to transport my home with me and install it wherever I go. That’s not what an extrovert does, they instead enter every home they can find and leave theirs at home.

Someone new joined the party? They’re the first ones who interact with them, and being the last is not in their nature.

That means when I transport my home, I tend to take everything with me, my traits, my personality, my interests, my skills, my words, my imagination, etc.

That means when I’m walking or simply existing in the outside world, I tend to be in mine instead of someone else’s, when you see someone passionately reading as if nothing that surrounds them exists or does exist solely for their purpose.

Some people don’t like that, they prefer that you get out of your home and behave accordingly. Some people looked at me as being withdrawn and not engaging much with others and thought I was arrogant and selfish. I’m too proud of myself to engage with them, but the reality is that I’m simply living in my home like a turtle.

If you’re an introvert, you most likely have had a similar situation, or maybe you will. But if someone comments about your behavior, just know they don’t understand what it’s like being an introvert.

Only recently did I learn how to stop perfecting my writing and instead hit publish more and more without caring much about making it the perfect article (That will end up getting 2 reads like this one).

But when I was trying to be perfect, I often had issues with people, especially in group projects.

I didn’t want the project to have any mistakes in it, so I tried to make it perfect and work harder. But for others, this sense of over-responsibility seemed as if I was questioning their ability or if I was belittling them.

Although that was never my intention, it seemed like it and they were right. It’s called a group project for a reason, and I have to adhere to the group’s pace as long as I am not the leader. I don’t have to make it perfect, but I have to make it good.

This small behavior can ruin your career, you can be a perfectionist and seem as if you’re working harder than others simply because you care too much about the details.

Other coworkers might hate you for that, especially if you’ve been rewarded for that perfection. Although it isn’t very much of a problem, if you care about your work relationship or your relationships in general, then trying to follow the flow is a good strategy to stop looking like a bad person.

Otherwise, if you consider it a waste of time and you continue with your perfection, you’ll be sacrificing much of the relationships for perhaps greater success. You just have to pay the price of not relying on your network in moments of trouble, if you even have one.

Some people are too direct, they don’t have the emotional filter of knowing what to say and how to say it. Believe it or not, the way we talk to kids or the calculation that goes into talking with kids should be used as adults as well.

Imagine if someone had a terrible day where they had a sort of failure and they’ve been telling you about it, and you start talking about how they were dumb for doing that, they should not complain, and that they lack the skills.

Any person would feel extremely bad, even angry at you.

Why?

Because you’re saying something they maybe already know but you’re making it seem even bigger than it is.

Having emotional intelligence isn’t just reading other people’s emotions, it’s also using your own words to influence theirs.

If that person came and started talking to you about it, instead of judging them, you start talking to them in a calm manner, highlighting how it is okay to fail sometimes, that it’s part of life, and that they’ll learn from it. They have time to make some progress and they’ll hopefully get better.

Even if a few days later you tell them how it was their fault, they would think rationally and accept what you say because they know you are right.

You’ve supported them in their moment of need, and you told me about what you think.

Most people forget to do this because it’s too much work, which is why they look like a bad person when they start judging every other person.