Resiliency is my Asset

2021 made me realize how much love and acceptance was contingent on my approval rating. I went through so much in this past year and it was hard. There were so many times I felt alone and wished I had that bond and connection to be able to reach out and talk, but I couldn’t. I was shamed, I was snubbed, I have essentially been promoted to the black sheep.

At first; it was hard. Realistically, I’ve never really had that rapport before though. However, when true colors show, it’s hard to un-see and it’s hard to ignore. I’ve tried to reach out, tried to repair. It’s to not avail. So instead; I recoiled and started focusing on me. Building myself up and reminding myself that I am human; I make mistakes and there’s nothing wrong with me.

I may not have made some of the best decisions in my past, but I did get through them and I am better from those choices, both good and bad. Every life experience I have had has also been a life lesson that I’ve absorbed. I am a creature of habit, but I am also a person who craves growth and self improvement. I’m far from perfect and I know I will never be, however, I can be better today than I was yesterday and even better the next day.

I love to learn how to do new things, but my latest infatuation is learning about and actually focusing on my mental health. Building up those boundaries, setting expectations and limits and sticking to them. I am retraining my brain to carve new paths it’s never ventured before. I decide what I want to change and then I develop a new habit for my brain to learn, a new path to follow. Whether it be a less toxic way to respond, deep breathing, offering grace, being more understanding, more accepting, less high strung, less of a perfectionist, etc.

However, focusing on my mindfulness is a must and it’s rejuvenating.

It used to eat at me and make me question my self worth, but that’s no longer the case. I no longer ask myself, “What is wrong with me?” “Why am I not good enough?” Because there’s no point. I can’t answer those questions, because there is no answer. There is nothing wrong with me as a whole person existing in this world just like everyone else. The question isn’t what’s wrong with me, it’s actually what’s wrong with them?

I am good enough. If not for some, I know that I am for me. For my children.

With or without you. I. Am. Good. Enough.