I edited a children's story about finances

A man had written a very engaging story, to teach children about handling their finances. He had all the information in the story, but at times it was a bit jumbled, and he needed some help to sort out the elements of the story. I helped with that, along with an overall detailed line edit.

This is what the client said about my editing:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ "Dan is Freaking FANTASTIC!!! He put the icing on top of the cake and then smoothed it all out. Parts of my story that needed a bridge to complete a thought or concept that I was trying to implement, Dan completed for me. I was allowed to see in my own writing how I should have reworked, changed thought, or completed a sentence that strikes the mark every time. I know I will have more work for Dan and recommend anyone writing a story to pursue his expertise. Great Work! And Thank you So much... Nix"

A Young Beginner’s 1st Rules of Money

Long ago in the Texas Hill Country, there was a little boy by the name of Rudy who lived on a ranch. It was called Uncle Charlie's Ranch, after his great, great, great Grandpa, and had been in the family for generations. The ranch was located just outside the small, quiet town of Kendelton, which was situated next to the lively San Bernard River. It was a lovely area, with rolling hills, pleasant weather, and a town that was a tight-knit community where neighbor helped neighbor.

Rudy's father, a  tall man with a rough exterior by the name of Murphy, raised horses. Their ranch house sat pleasantly overlooking the west bank of the river, so they could easily water their horses. Uncle Charlie's was one of the finest ranches in the area. But that didn't just happen by accident.

Murphy was raising Rudy to be a rancher like himself. From the time Rudy was just a young pup, Murphy began to teach him about the ranching business. Ranching was an all-day affair. From sun up 'til sundown when his Mother rang the bell for chow, they worked hard. They mended fences, fed animals, rode the ranch to check on the stock, and worked on a long list of other jobs to keep the ranch running smoothly.  Murphy enjoyed all the time he got      to spend with Rudy. It allowed him to raise Rudy to know right from wrong, and teach him a good set of values.

One fine morning out in the field where they were wrangling horses, Murphy sat Rudy on a stump and asked him, "Son, do you know why we work so hard taking care of this ranch?"

Young Rudy, with his tan-colored ten-gallon hat flopping down almost over his bright hazel-brown eyes,  and rancher dirt on his cheeks, smiled up at his father as he waited eagerly for the answer.

Murphy looked into  his son's eyes and said, "He profits most who serves best! Son, whatever you do in life, if you thank the Good Lord above for each day, and work hard to serve others the best that you can, you will never fail."

Rudy took his father's wisdom to heart, and continued to work hard day after day on the ranch. Murphy was a God-fearing man, and believed in helping the church and the town folk as much as he could. He gave one out of every ten horses that he raised to the local pastor as his tithe to the church, and every month gave another horse to those who really needed it.

Rudy watched his father prosper from living by the words he had told his son that day sitting on the stump, and which Murphy follows to this day. As many, many years went by,   Rudy grew  stronger and got faster and better at helping his father run the farm. Murphy increased his wealth and purchased more land, because he continued to successfully breed horses. Murphy had the  largest ranch in Kendelton, Texas.

Growing up, Rudy was so good at ranching that in his teens he won three annual horse riding competitions in a row. Murphy and Rudy had a very special system for running their ranch, guess that is why it was growing so fast. They had special names for everything. First, they called  the stable where they kept the horses the "Bank." You ask, why did they call it the Bank? Because all their money was tied up in the horses and they called them "Bucks." Making sure the Bucks were watched was a very important job, because the big, strong animals might jump the Bank fence and be washed away down the San Bernard River to waste junction where no Buck ever returned. Nobody ever wanted to see their Bucks getting washed away!

At the crack of dawn Rudy would get up and invest a lot of time down at the Bank. Every day he counted every Buck and made sure they stayed in the Bank.    If one Buck got away, it could mean less money for his father's ranch business. Every now and then the Bucks needed to stretch their legs, so Rudy would take the horses out of the Bank and put his Bucks into the "Stocks." The Stocks was a place for the Bucks to get bigger and faster. The fence was still closed in but it was a much, much larger space than the Bank, where the Bucks could roam as far as the eye could see. At the end of the day, when they were done running wild, Rudy would call out with a loud whoop, and they would always come back. But it wasn't that he had them trained - the horses just knew it was about feeding time. Sometimes they would "Return" with more Bucks and sometimes with less, but for the most part, when the Bucks left together, they came back together.

Rudy chased the colts, or young Bucks, into another fenced-in area called the "Bonds." It was the same idea as the Stocks, but smaller and much safer, so the young Bucks wouldn't get trampled  by the bigger animals. No matter where the Bucks were during the day, young or old, just before the evening feed, Rudy still had to put them back in the Bank. He had to account for each one, and give his father a good count. It surprised Rudy one evening when he counted over 350 Bucks. He thought back to when he was a young rancher and his father only had 3 Bucks to his name. It was amazing to him how a little could grow to be so, so much.

 Beware of the Debt Clan

Now in Kendelton a new family moved into town one late spring afternoon. I remember it clearly because all the pretty and wonderful trees were just blooming in rich and vibrant greens. The boys were named Bad Debt and Worse Debt, and they shuffled along behind their daddy, who was called Total Debt. The Debt Clan was a mean nasty bunch of misfits, who loved to take Bucks from others instead of raising their own. They moved in to "Deep Pit Ranch," all the way on the other side of the county, far west of Murphy's ranch. They called it Deep Pit because all across the plains you could see mostly everybody's place except theirs, which seemed to have fallen off into a ravine that everybody just called the Deep Pit.

Murphy said that day, "Rudy, there is a new family in Kendelton. and I ain't heard no good thing about any of them. I believe them to be a bunch of rustlers who would steal the clothes off a Priest and certainly our Bucks if they had a chance. I'm going to need you to be really diligent in watching our herd. If our animals are closely watched and cared for, they'll take us a long, long way. They'll pay for our food, our house, our transportation, our clothes, and your schooling. They will even help you grow this business when I am no longer able to. We can't let the Debt Clan steal our  Bucks from under our noses. Do you understand Rudy?" said Pa.

 Rudy nodded eagerly and said, "I understand. I'll make you proud of me Pa."

The very next day the town mayor came to those who were able-bodied and could provide supplies, asking them to form a town militia.  There was a Storm Brewing, some real trouble headed their way from the open ranges of Louisiana, in the form of the notorious Hannigan Gang. The mayor wanted to fix the trouble before it was got out of control. Murphy was a retired Colonel from the confederate army, and the one leader in the sleepy town of Kendelton people looked to for things like this. If anyone could lead their sons and bring them home safely from a storm, it would be Murphy.

Mayor Kelly came out to Uncle Charlie’s Ranch to ask if Murphy would lead their sons into battle.  Murphy was hesitant because his business was going so well, and the Debt Clan just moved into town. But he was very aware of the trouble which was coming. He didn't want to see all his hard work go to waste, but at the core, Murphy was a true patriot. He saw it as his duty and his responsibility to ensure that the townspeople's sons made it home safe.

That evening, Murphy asked his wife to prepare a special meal for his son when he came back from counting and putting the Bucks in the Bank. As Rudy approached the front porch of the house, he gave a much-needed stretch and, a wide yawn signaled to the rest of his body that it was quitting time. As Rudy stepped inside, he saw steak and mashed potatoes, and fresh hot apple pie.

"Gee Pa, what's the occasion?" asked Rudy.

"No big occasion son, I have to go away for a little while, and I just wanted to sit and have a nice dinner together."

"Where are you going Pa, and how long will you be gone?"

"Well son, I am headed towards Louisiana. I suspect I will be gone for at least two to three weeks."

"Why so long Pa? Are you going to get some more Bucks?"

"Possibly," said Murphy, "but first I must lead the militia into a skirmish with the Hannigan Gang."

Rudy was startled and almost choked as he tried to swallow his food. "The Hannigan Gang! Pa, everybody talks about how they are a stone cold gang. Their Wanted poster says the gang is worth Fifteen Hundred dollars, a hundred for each member, Dead or Alive!"

"Yeah, they are a rough bunch Rudy. That's why Mayor Kelly personally asked me to lead the town's sons to a swift victory, so they can quickly get home safe to their loved ones. The Hannigan Gang makes the Debt Clan look like little pups! Why, if they get to us before we get to them, they'll burn the town to the ground. I just can't let that happen, son."

"Pa, how am I supposed to run the ranch all by myself? This is way too much land for me to tend."

"I know Rudy. That's why I talked the Mayor into letting Bill and Nelson stay behind to help you run  the ranch." Bill, Nelson, and Rudy grew up together, and were tighter than a bit stuck in a horse's mouth. Usually, when you saw one, the other two weren't far behind.

Rudy felt more at ease hearing the news that his friends would be there to help him. "Okay Pa, see you when you get back."

"Thanks a lot, Rudy!"

"Pa, you know I was just pulling your leg. I'll make sure everything runs smoothly around here. I know I can do it, and with Bill and Nelson helping, there won't be anything for you to worry about when you're gone. And in the evenings, I'll make sure to stop by Pastor Elijah's and send a prayer up for you."

"You make sure you do that Rudy," said Pa.

From that day on Rudy was even more diligent in watching and counting his Bucks. If they went anywhere, he knew exactly how many there were, and where each one went at all times. To make it even easier, he divvied up his Bucks. He kept some Bucks in the Bank, put some in the Stocks and put some in the Bonds.

Rudy had quite a task before him. To the west, the Debt Clan wanted to steal his Bucks, and to the east, the San Bernard River could wash his bucks down to waste junction where he would never see them again. Rudy realized he would have to be extremely watchful to protect all his Bucks.

One day, Rudy was sitting his horse atop a hill looking out over the herd below him. He enjoyed the quiet of the day and the sound of the gentle breeze through the trees behind him. Then the day went sour when Bad Debt came a ridin' up. With a piece of straw in his mouth and wearing a dirty old cowboy hat, he said, "Are you Rudy?"

"Who wants to know?" said Rudy.

"I'm Baaaad Debt and I live across the hillside, the grubby boy said, drawling out his first name with a half-cocked grin. "I just wanted to know if you saw my dog  anywhere around here."

"I don't reckon I did," said Rudy.

"Well, I heard your Pa went out to take care of the Hannigan Gang. So who is helping you take care of this big ole ranch? Surely, you can't do it all alone. Maybe you would like some help from me and my brothers."

"I assure you Bad Debt, the ranch is in very good hands! I’m not looking to hire anyone at this time."

Bill and Nelson slowly trotted up on their horses and reined up next to Rudy, to ensure that temperatures would stay cool.

"Besides, Buck stealers aren't allowed on my property!"

"Hey," said Bad Debt, "We Debt Boys have to make a living somehow!"

"Well, you won't make your living around here. Now get on out of here before I forget that I'm a decent  law-abiding citizen."

"I'm a goin' Rudy," said Bad Debt, turning his horse to the west. "But you haven't seen the last of the Debt Clan. By the way, the city folk are right, you do have the biggest ranch and the prettiest Bucks in the next 5 counties, and believe me, I know."

On another hilltop off to the West, Worse Debt and Total Debt were laying on their bellies with binoculars, checking out the horses in that same herd of Bucks. Bad Debt was just a distraction to take Rudy’s eyes off them while they got a total count of the horses. Total Debt was cookin' up a plan to steal all the Bucks from Uncle Charlie's Ranch.

The ruthless and maniacal Total Debt was cunning. He didn't want to just steal the Bucks from folks. He wanted to trick people into bringing their Bucks to him. This way Total Debt could take the Bucks legally. If someone wanted their Bucks back, they would have to pay him even more money - called "Interest."

Here's how his plan worked. In just a few weeks, all the while smiling and seeming to be friendly, Total Debt had half the town borrowing money from him in some way or another. He called it  "Sharing Credit" with the less lucky townies. So now the town owed him Bucks, and the ever-present Interest. The town folks thought they had made a good deal - they could get what they wanted or needed to buy. But Total Debt was the winner, because he got more of what he wanted, which was Bucks! It the locals couldn't pay him back, their debt just kept growing as the Interest piled up. The plan was as devious as Total Debt.

Sunday Morning, Uh, Oh! 

One bright and early Sunday morning, Rudy and the boys rode into town for the church service. Rudy had one horse, and two bags of the finest corn and wheat for Pastor Elijah. Bill and Nelson brought along a Buck to give to someone in need. After the service, the pastor made his customary statement, and asked who needed a    Buck for work, since Rudy and the boys were willing to offer one to those in need. The horse they offered was a fine strong animal, easily worth 5 Bucks. Hands started going up. People big one, two, three, five, seven, ten. Pastor Elijah scratched his head. "What is going on Pete? Paul, Caroline?"

Rudy was amazed and confused at the same time.

"Pete," Rudy said, "We gave you a horse last month. Is he dead?" and "Paul, I gave you a stud several months ago. Don't you have any offspring yet?"

Then the people all at once started complaining about the Debt Clan and how at first, they thought that their Sharing Credit was a good idea, but when they went to pay off Total Debt, he had written in the agreement (contract) that he was entitled to their Bucks because of the Interest that had piled up. Now they really needed Total Debt more than ever because he took their Bucks, and they had no horse to do their farm work, travel, or produce offspring. They needed their Bucks to pay for everyday needs and life expenses. The Jacob family was living at the church because Total Debt had taken their house.

Rudy remembered the talk he had with his father, when Murphy said how important it was to have Bucks, because of all the things that they pay for that sometimes we don't take very seriously. Seeing the Jacob family homeless and living in the church made Rudy mad! He wondered what his father would do in this situation? 

Rudy!", Pastor Elijah said, "we just have to get the Debt clan out of town, They are taking everything we have, and soon  we'll all be servants to them."

Rudy said "Preacher, say a good prayer to the Lord, because this is going to take one heck of a miracle."

Then he turned to the town, and spoke confidently, with wisdom far beyond his years. "The Bible says owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath  fulfilled the law. We must stop borrowing from Total Debt's Share Credit plan. It is destroying our town. The only way we will get free from him is to not go along with his devious scheme. Pay everything in cash. If you don't have it, borrow from one another to make ends meet. Save your Bucks. They are key to your future prosperity. We must all pull together if we want him to leave town. It's time to fight back against this credit scheme."

He thought a minute, reflected, and then said "My Grandma used to say, good principles and a can-do attitude, whether times are good or bad, will always be at the heart of our own success. Are you with me?"

The town Cried "Yeeahhh!" in loud boisterous praise!

Rudy then turned to Mr. Jack Jacobs, and said, "Don't worry. We'll get your house back. Mount up, boys," he said to Bill and Nelson. "We have to take a little trip."

That afternoon, Rudy, Bill, and Nelson traveled half a day's journey across the Texas Hill  Country to the Deep Pit, and reined to a stop in front of Total Debt's ranch house.

"Pa, we got some company," said Worse Debt."

Total Debt came out of the house onto the dusty porch. "What brings you by, Murphy's boy? You've heard about my Sharing Credit plan, eh? Need to borrow some Bucks?" he asked with a devious grin.

"Oh, yes" said Rudy, "we've heard about your credit plan and much more.  But I don't want to get hooked up with your credit," said Rudy. "The citizens of Kendelton want you and your Debt Clan gone tomorrow by sundown. "

"ls that right now?" said Total Debt. "Well, I don't reckon that works for me. Kendelton is a gold mine and I don't have to do a lot of digging to  get to the gold. Nope! I like it here just fine."

"Debt, you don't seem to understand," said Rudy, "I am going to pay off the town of Kendelton's debt, whatever it is, and they will never borrow or  share your credit ever again. You will either be forced to become a decent citizen, or all your money is going to dry up    right here in Kendelton.The town people already have a Spend Plan so they don't have to deal with you ever again. You know, you're not too popular downtown. I can see regular things costing you three times as much as they would for any of the townspeople. So, what do you say? I will give you 25 Bucks, and you can take your family and your Debt schemes and leave town."

Debt hung his head low and thought for a moment. He knew that once a group of people came into agreement about something they really wanted, there was no stopping them. His plan had been spoiled. Total Debt no longer had people who were naive to his plans of greed, cloaked by the disguise of a  helping hand. He shook his head in defeat that his plan had been ruined. He looked up with empty eyes, accepted the proposal and sent Bad Debt and Worse Debt to start packing up all their belongings.

"When do I get my Bucks, Rudy?" Total Debt asked.

"When you ride by tomorrow as you are leaving town, stop by my ranch. You can get your Bucks, and then you'd better just keep riding," said Rudy. "And I suggest you go somewhere far, far away because when Pa returns, he's not going to be too happy with me, the town, and especially you. After he’s done with the Hannigan Gang, I reckon he'll come a lookin' for you."

Rudy, Bill, and Nelson turned their horses around and rode off to the east, as the bright golden sun set behind them. It was the end of the day for the Credit Sharing chapter in Kendelton. Rudy became a local hero because he had saved people's homes and their town from Total Debt. The town became a great success, and because of the beautiful surroundings, was one of the main visitor  attractions of Texas.

It takes a big boy or girl to make their Bucks grow. Count your Bucks,  and make sure you put them in a place where they can grow strong! Remember, it takes time to grow Bucks - there are no get-rich-quick schemes to make a quick Buck. Beware of the Debt Clan and other tricks like theirs which will try to steal your money. Keep in mind that God owns your money, and it is He that gives the increase to get wealth. If you are a hard worker, smart, diligent, and watchful like Rudy, you will be well on your way to saving many Bucks just like he did.