I edited a story about a memorable football game in Texas

An author had written an extensive (12,000) word story describing a very memorable high school football game from 1963. He asked me to edit the story. It was a challenge, because in his original version he jumped back and forth from present tense to past tense. I decided to place the entire story in present tense, to add to the drama of the game. Next, he wanted to add the feelings and experience of the fans, but admitted he went a bit overboard. He had a lot of the game commentary described by fans on the sidelines. It just didn't work, and I told him so - it sounded unnatural.

He agreed to let me describe the game action using the omniscient narrator, and then let the fans describe their feelings as the game progressed. We did that, and it worked nicely. I've been a high school football fan for many years, which helped me clarify the action he was describing.

The story is being published in his hometown newspaper as a 6 part serial. Success!

What the buyer said:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ "Very knowledgeable about the subject of the material."

Here is the first 2,000 words, edited:

Fans of the Graham Steers entering the home team side of Arlington’s Patti Welder Stadium are excited and highly confident. “We should easily defeat the Corsicana Tigers today."

At the Quarterback Club meeting, Coach Curry had told members the Tigers had smaller players, weighing an average of ten pounds less than the Steers. They played in the 8-3A central Texas district which included  Ennis, Athens, Terrell, Waxahachie, a wasteland of sorry football teams. They weren't even close to playing the game the tough, hard-hitting Steers played in their highly competitive West Texas district. Their district had placed six teams in the last six title games, and won them all.

The Tigers are ranked number-two in the state, but the Graham fans feel that is baloney. Corsicana squeaked by McKinney, a weak team, 14-7, in their quarterfinals game.

One fan raves, "After our win over Dumas last week, our downtown parade was very fine! Just a preview of how we’ll celebrate after we win state! This is our year! Go Steers!”

Today was the state semifinals. Win today, and next week the Graham Steers would play for their first state championship. A steady wind on a sunny, cold, Saturday this December 14, 1963 sends the chill factor down into the teens. Walking through the southeast gate into the visitor side of the stadium, Corsicana fans attempt to encourage one another.

“Early in the season, the Steers lost to Brownwood, 14-13. They're not invincible."

It was true. The Steers had some close calls. In their final district game, they had to come from behind to tie Wichita Falls Ryder, 7-7, and they advanced into the playoffs on penetrations. By contrast, the Tigers had 12 wins, no losses and no ties. But at the Corsicana Club meeting, Coach Acree wasn’t optimistic. He never acted like their team was the favorite. But the fans knew that was his schtick. They all knew he would  look for some way to come out on top. He played to win - always.

The two teams warm up with calisthenics at opposite ends of the field. The grass has gone dormant for the winter, and is yellow-beige. Steer fans sit high in the east-side bleachers, so the light from the bright sun can warm their faces.

Most of the fans have cowbells, which clang to punctuate their conversations.

“Great seats! From this vantage point, we have the best visibility. We won’t miss a thing. Our Steers are going to play a great game! We’re on a stampede to a state championship!"

At the team rally, Coach Curry had warned the fans the team must stop Jim Hagle, the Corsicana Tiger's big fullback. He felt confident it wouldn't be a problem. Middle linebacker Boomer Davis would corral Hagle.  He didn't feel the Tiger defense was a match for the Steers running game: sweep left, sweep right, run up the middle. Coach had tremendous confidence in the Steers quarterback, P.D. Shabay.

A fan asks, "Who do we play after we beat Corsicana? The winner of the game between Pharr San Juan Alamo and LaMarque? Doesn’t matter, our Steers can saddle either one.”

Steer fans have other reasons to be proud. Seven years have passed since their last quarterfinal’s playoff appearance, but his is their first ever semifinals match, and fans have rallied around their achievement.

“This is the Big Year! Coach Curry complimented us on our team support. He said the team couldn’t have won the rough 4-3A district without our backing. We love our Steers! Our cheering led us into post-season play!"

 Clang, clang, clang.

Graham tromped Snyder in the Bi-District game, knocking them out of the playoffs, 19-0. Holding Snyder scoreless was a huge accomplishment. "The way that wind’s blowing, Corsicana will be eating west Texas dust today, too!”

Tiger fans sit low in the shadows of the west-side bleachers, near the exit wells, buffeted by the cold north wind. Close to the field, they can see their Tigers shiver while they do jumping-jacks to try and stay warm. With glassy eyes, frozen faces and dry lips, Tiger fans can only hope their winning continues. The Tigers only have five returning senior lettermen, so it has been a surprise the Tigers have made it this far in the playoffs. Coach Acree has had trouble finding boys tough enough for his conditioning drills--tough enough to come out, stay out and play on days like today.

Last week Graham beat Dumas, the reigning, two-time, 3A State Champion. The Steers held the Demons scoreless, winning 13-0. They broke the Dumas 23-game win streak. One Tiger fan remarks "We owe Graham a ‘thank you.’ We didn’t have to drive all the way to Dumas for this semifinal game! Acree said the Steers wanted to win more than Dumas. Graham blanked five opponents this season. Look at the size of their players! Giants!”

On the east side of the stadium, accustomed to the cold and the wind, Steer fans smile, tip their hats, shake hands, bear hug and yell in unison, “Go all the way - win State!"

Tiger coach Jim Acree wears only a blue, short-sleeved shirt, his refusal to acknowledge the cold showing  his superstitious side. It will take more than luck for them to win today. A Graham fan laughs. "Who is he anyway? A fugitive from Oklahoma? Someone said he was an all-state linebacker in Maud. We hear he is a graduate of Bud Wilkinson’s Sooners, a two-time Orange Bowl champion. Yes, but rumor has it he was third string. Before Corsicana, he was an assistant coach in Bonham. He has a winning record. But not playing our brand of hard-nosed, west Texas football.”

Both teams work through pregame drills. As the players come near each other around midfield, Graham fans are amazed. “Look at how small the Tigers are compared to our Steers! Team talent is important, but weight and speed matter most in our game. We have the whole package this year."

After the win over Dumas, awards for the Steers had just kept rolling in. Coaches around the State picked quarterback P.D. Shabay and linebacker, E.A. Gresham to the All-State team. District coaches named six team members All-District. Four others received Honorable Mention. A third of the team was bona fide all-stars. On top of that, the School Board just awarded Head Coach Roy Curry a two-year contract extension.

Believing your team will win is important in any battle. The Graham Reporter urged Steer fans to “Follow the Steers, Quarterfinals Champions!” Playoff wins over Snyder and Dumas had boosted fan confidence and covered the blemish of that early season loss to Brownwood, 14-13. “One measly point!

 First Quarter

The Tigers lose the toss and kick off with the aid of a north wind. It is a weak kick that only makes it to the Steers 20-yard line. The upfield receiver makes a fantastic catch over his shoulder, and returns the ball to the 23. The Steers line up for a power sweep, which goes to the left. Next, fullback “Bulldozer” Ingram runs up the middle.

"Good call, coach! Look at Dozer bowl over those Tigers! Keep 'em guessing."

Third down, and Shabay passes, an 11-yard stab to a receiver on the left side for a first down. The Tigers are out of position and scramble to keep up. Another sweep to the right, for a gain of 14 yards, and another first down.

"Go, Steers, Go!" Things are playing out just the way the Steers fans expect. Ingram tests the Tiger line for a short gain. A deep pass by Shabay falls incomplete.

"What’s Coach thinking? Dang wind is in our face!”

Acree substitutes two defensive players into the game. Acree anticipates another Graham sweep and orders Tiger defensive stunts by Cody Sherrard, a 5’3”, 145-pound nose guard and tackles Sam Cooper and Don Ivie. Graham fans have complete confidence in all-state center, E.A. Gresham and big tackles, 210 pound George Hays and 202 pound Mike Lochner. Shabay calls a reverse. He takes the snap, fakes to Ingram up the middle, and hands to the halfback running right. The halfback then hands the ball to the wingback coming the other way.

The Tiger nose guard Sherrard erupts into the Steers backfield, almost takes the handoff, and forces a fumble.  Multiple Tigers swarm around the mess caused by Sherrard. “BALL!” “BALL!” “BALL!” the Tigers yell as they recover the Steer fumble.

Graham fans lament, “The cold makes the football stiff and hard to hold. We were driving for a touchdown, too! We should be up by 7 right now."

Before each game, Acree had a Thursday night team meeting where he drilled his quarterback Roman on plays to call, based on down and situation. Acree even drilled Roman on the bus ride to the game.  He wanted Roman to call plays as if the two had one mind. Assistant Coach Jerry Moore, an all-state receiver at Bonham, who played for Acree, had joined the Corsicana coaching staff after graduating from Baylor. The Tiger passing game improved overnight.

The Tiger offense starts at their 47-yard line. Roman puts Chick Whistler in motion to the right, then rolls right and hits Whistler with a swing pass for 6 yards. Next, Roman throws an unusual quick-pass to split end Donnie Denbow, lined up on the left, for a gain of 3 yards. The quick-pass spreads the defense. If the Steer covering Denbow backs off the line too far, he will signal Roman, who will then throw the quick-pass, instead of the play called in the huddle.

A Graham fan just smiles and says, “Hagle is supposed to be running the ball! Acree’s players are too small, or he’d bring them in tight and go nose-to-nose against us. He thinks that quick-pass will wear us down, but we’re the Steers, the team who beat the Dumas Demons.”

Third down and one. Acree hands off to fullback Jim Hagle, who picks up a first down at the Graham 46 yard line. Roman tosses another quick-pass to Denbow, who is split left again, but he is gang tackled by three Steers. On second down Roman floats the ball toward the flat on the right side, where it is knocked down by a tall Steer lineman.

Clang, clang, the cowbells peal out in a raucous chorus. "Way to go defense! They have the wind and it floated like a leaf."

Coach Acree taught Roman to keep the ball and run if his receivers were covered. On the next play, he rolls right where he has two split receivers racing downfield, the Steer defenders matching them stride for stride. Roman keeps the ball and turns the corner to pick up 5 yards. It is now fourth down and 5 at the Graham 35. In the short yardage situation everyone expects Acree to call Hagle’s number. Instead,  Roman rolls left to pass. He lobs the ball in a high arc like a basketball shot, but the tall Steer defensive linemen bats it away.

The Steer fans gloat. "Poor play calling! We have Acree’s passing game figured out! Our Steer defense covered the two split receivers like gnats on plow horses. Plow the Tigers!”

Scoreless, the Graham offense takes over on downs at their 35-yard line. Graham fans furrow their brows and yell out encouragement to their Steers, wanting a sweep to get the offense moving. Instead, Acree stunts multiple defensive linemen through the gap, which forces the running back to swing deep into the backfield, where the defensive linemen gang tackle him for a 10-yard loss.

"Come on Steers! This isn't working!"

On second down, Shabay fakes a pass and hands the ball to the tailback on a counter play for no gain. Third down. Shabay connects on a swing pass which gains 8 yards. Fourth down, so the Steers punt.

After the whistle on the runback, an aggressive Steer defender plows onto Tiger receiver Chick Whistler, who is lying on the ground. The referees don't call a penalty. Tiger fans shout and point. Graham fans congratulate the judgment of the refs. “What are the Tigers upset about? Way to go ref! Even with the sun in our face, we could see that there was no foul on that play!”

Starting on the Tiger 33-yard line, Acree has Roman make a run-action fake to Hagle, who has released into the left flat. Roman then throws a bullet over Hagle’s left shoulder, which he catches and runs for an 11-yard gain.

Graham fans jump to their feet. “Knock him to the ground! The fullback is not supposed to catch like a receiver.”