Content Optimization for ROI Optimization

A US-based staffing and recruiting company providing comprehensive executive protection services across North America. Their offerings include close protection bodyguards, tactically trained drivers, and secure facility protection—tailored for high-profile individuals facing threats such as stalking, harassment, and terrorism. Challenge: The initial template the client was using for outreach was too long, which included 170+ words, was divided in 5 paragraphs and included a lot of details and information. This was the initial email they were using (Names are blured):

Solution: The first thing I suggested was shortening the message to maximum of 110 words - this is the ideal for the US market because people are overwhelmed with emails and generally have shorter attention spans than other markets. Second, I structured the message in 3 paragraphs. Third, I added a bit of urgency in the opening of the message to generate interest and stress the importance of the service for high net worth individuals. The preview of the corrected message is below: