Lesson One: Clearing the Field. Unlearn to Rebuild

Lesson One: Clearing the Field. Unlearning to Rebuild.

Originally published on Jezebel’s Daughter

By Jezareal (Joy C. Rojas)

Before You Lead, You Must Unlearn

To become a Domme of presence, power, and integrity, you must first clear the field, strip away the misconceptions, the false narratives, and the wounds that could warp your leadership into something hollow, or worse, harmful.

Too many step into Dominance fueled by ego, control issues, or past pain, rather than self-awareness, balance, and purpose. Society itself has shaped false perceptions about what it means to be a Domme, some of which may already be rooted in your thinking.

But we are here to uproot that. To build something real, something sustainable, something undeniably powerful.

The Lies We Must Bury

Before we plant something new, let’s expose and discard the harmful and biased information that keeps too many from becoming the Dommes they are meant to be.

Lie #1: Dominance Means Constant Control & Perfection

True dominance is not about being an untouchable, emotionless force. It’s about self-mastery, discernment, and intentionality.

A Domme is not a tyrant; she is a leader, a presence, a force that inspires obedience, not demands it mindlessly.

Lie #2: Power Means Inflicting Pain & Fear

Some believe being a Domme means being cruel, ruthless, or emotionally detached.

True power doesn’t come from abuse, it comes from commanding respect without raising your voice, bending minds before bending bodies.

Strength comes in many forms, and those who rely only on force often lack true authority.

Lie #3: Submissives Are Beneath You

If you believe submission is about weakness, you’re already unfit to lead.

A submissive is a willing participant, not a doormat, and their service is a gift, one that must be earned and maintained.

A Domme does not lead from a place of insecurity, but from a place of deep understanding.

Lie #4: Any Woman with a Harsh Tone & A Strap Can Be a Domme

This is a craft, an energy, a cultivated presence. Not just a look, an attitude, or a quick power trip.

If dominance is a mask you wear instead of an extension of who you are, it will crack under pressure.

The Wounds That Must Be Healed

Now that we’ve uprooted the lies, let’s turn inward.

Many come to Dominance with wounds they haven’t yet addressed. Pain, trauma, or insecurities that can turn what should be a healthy, empowering role into something destructive. The difference between a powerful Domme and an abusive one is self-awareness.

Reflection: What’s Driving Your Desire to Dominate?

Do you seek Dominance because you crave control where you’ve lacked it?

If so, your leadership might be fueled by fear rather than confidence.

Power from fear is temporary. Power from self-mastery is eternal.

Do you see submission as something to exploit rather than honor?

If yes, ask yourself: Why do I feel the need to diminish others to feel strong?

A Domme who belittles rather than builds is not a leader…just a bully with a title.

Do you view Dominance as a shield rather than a tool?

If Dominance is a mask you wear to avoid vulnerability, you will never fully step into your power.

True Dommes know when to be soft, when to be steel, and when to be both.

Reflection Task:

This week, I want you to sit with these questions, not to judge yourself, but to understand yourself.

1. What are 3 misconceptions about dominance you once believed?

2. What parts of your personal story might be influencing how you view power?

3. What fears, insecurities, or unresolved emotions could cloud your leadership?

Post your reflections below (if comfortable) or journal privately. The goal is not perfection, the goal is clarity. A Domme who knows Herself cannot be shaken.

Next lesson: The Art of Presence. Commanding Without Speaking.

Your path to mastery begins now.