The Misconceptions of Kink and Black Femininity

The Misconceptions of Kink and Black Femininity

Originally published on Jezebel’s Daughter

By Jezareal (Joy C. Rojas)

Beyond the fantasy, unpacking the difference between being desired and being objectified in BDSM spaces.

Black women have long been subjected to societal expectations that dictate how we should express our sensuality, power, and pleasure. Whether through historical trauma, religious constraints, or cultural norms, many of us have been taught that to be a “good” Black woman means to be reserved, virtuous, and, above all, in control.

But what happens when control looks like surrender? When empowerment is found in submission? When Dominance is not a stereotype but a choice?

For many Black women, BDSM is not just about kink, it’s about liberation. Yet, the world of BDSM remains clouded with misconceptions, particularly for us. Too often, we hear that BDSM is “a white thing,” that it is degrading, or that embracing kink contradicts Black femininity. This piece seeks to dismantle these myths and reclaim the conversation on power, agency, and pleasure in BDSM spaces.

Respectability politics have long dictated how Black women should present themselves. We are taught to be strong, self-sufficient, and resistant to anything that could be seen as a loss of power. The stereotype of the “Strong Black Woman” leaves little room for vulnerability, let alone an open exploration of pleasure and submission.

Additionally, historical trauma plays a role in how Black women engage with BDSM. The painful legacy of slavery has led many to reject anything that even remotely resembles control, discipline, or restriction. The idea of being tied up, spanked, or dominated can be triggering, and understandably so. However, BDSM, when practiced ethically and consensually, is about choice, trust, and intentional power exchange.

Another misconception is that Black women who engage in BDSM, particularly as submissives, are perpetuating historical traumas. In reality, many Black women find healing in these spaces, using kink as a means of reclaiming agency over their bodies, boundaries, and desires.

At its core, BDSM is about control, who has it, who gives it, and how it is exchanged. It is not about weakness but about intentional surrender and empowerment. Whether as Dominants, submissives, or switches, Black women are finding freedom in their ability to define their own sensuality on their own terms.

For Black Dominants, BDSM allows for a reimagining of strength, one that does not have to be aggressive, but commanding, strategic, and deeply sensual. For submissives, surrender is not about inferiority; it is about trust, deep connection, and radical self-acceptance.

Many Black women who engage in BDSM report feeling more in tune with themselves, their needs, and their desires. The structured nature of BDSM, with its emphasis on consent, communication, and boundaries, can provide a framework for self-exploration that traditional narratives of sexuality often lack.

Despite the growing number of Black women embracing BDSM, our representation in these spaces remains limited. When we do appear, we are often hyper-fetishized, reduced to racialized tropes rather than seen as full participants in kink culture. This lack of visibility contributes to the idea that BDSM is not for us when, in reality, we have been practicing forms of power exchange, ritual, and sacred sensuality for centuries.

The more we talk about BDSM in a way that is nuanced, informed, and reflective of our unique experiences, the more we dismantle the shame and stigma surrounding it.

Black women deserve the space to explore, question, and embrace kink without judgment. BDSM is not a betrayal of our identity, our history, or our power, it is an expansion of it.

This is just the beginning of the conversation. In future pieces, we will dive deeper into different aspects of Black women’s experiences in BDSM: the Dominance spectrum, the role of rituals, the reality of fetishization, and how to navigate kink spaces as a Black woman.

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