Journey of Faith and Resilience

For the longest time, I’ve thought about this phrase in the deepest way possible and now I can say I finally get it.

For a heart yearning for so much and longing for only the best, I found myself surrounded by the most difficult situation, some of which others may say wasn’t “so serious”.

I might have been put in circumstances where individuals have discredited my right to feel some sense of hurt, abandonment or betrayal as I would call it sometimes. Yet, I never quite understood why we would be told to swallow it painfully as though it didn’t hurt.

I had this phrase in pidgin I would always say whenever I felt someone shoving my feelings aside; “you no go know as e be, if e neva do you” which translates to: you wouldn’t know how it feels, if it hasn’t happened to you before ( in English).

Alongside the journey, a heavy weight rode along and somehow outweighed the good. In the past, I would encourage myself, masked in bravery to keep the good, erase the bad; but this time around, the bad conceived something that needed to be dwelt upon, that needed to be fought face-to-face as I garnered the strength for the darker days ahead—because they were coming.

I’m not sure what was more convincing. The fact that the darker days were coming or the fact that I knew they might last and no matter how much I wanted this to pass over quickly, I needed to face it heads on.

And with my small-minded, child-like spirit stripped off me like a garment I never owned, I found myself missing a piece of me.

It could be said that this circumstance broke me or at the very least made a grand attempt to strip me of my blessings. And it was easy to yield to the false reality of the life that was handed to me.

The breaking, as I would relate to this context was merely a facade of the making process of who we might become.

And just as the answers to every prayer point wasn’t just handed over to me on a platter of Gold, it didn’t appear in the package I ordered it.

I’m soon learning that that’s how God operates and unlike other forms of answering our prayers, this was more procedural than the others, where you had to see reason why the other way wasn’t the best way.

In fear of being left behind or forgotten, I’ve pushed harder than I should have and thankfully haven’t strayed too far.

Sometimes, God breaks our hearts to save our souls. And through the joy/knowledge of who we are, it will be written someday, it will be said of me (Nandi) and as the name implies, “she trusted God, and He walked with her!”