The Stir Fry - Journal Extract

Learning is a steady climb. Rock by rock, branch by branch, slowly reaching new heights of acceptance and awareness. With each step the view becomes clearer and all the little things get further and further away. From such a height you can see how perfectly each thing fits into its landscape. All things have their place; goodness, sadness, beauty, decay. From such a height all things are one and the same. Last night I made a stirfry. I was of course expecting it to be delicious, but I did NOT expect it to bestow wisdom upon me in the way it did.

I took my first spoonful and was greeted with the sweet, umami goodness of garlic and soy. Lemongrass, basil, coconut sugar and paprika joined in to tango together on my tongue. As I chewed and swallowed, the initial symphony of flavours gradually faded out under the shadow of a slow, creeping burn. My lips stung, my tongue despaired and my monkey brain panicked. My first thought was the distressing notion of having to throw my dinner away into the grass, where it would ultimately be lapped up by the unsuspecting cows. Appalled at the notion of exploding my new four-legged neighbours, I hesitantly took another spoonful. As I did, I discovered that each new mouthful shrouded the spiciness in a fire-blanket of sweet, flavoursome relief… for about seven seconds, before the heat took over again. The first plan my brain came up with was to shovel the whole pan-full into my mouth as fast as I could in an attempt to avoid the sting of spice.

I quickly realized that in my desire to avoid the heat and the discomfort that came with it, I would be creating attachment for myself in not simply experiencing the full spectrum of things as they are. In striving or wishing to only encounter comfort and “positive’ sensation, I would be denying and avoiding the other side of the coin. I would soon be met with a more intense and longer-lasting burning sensation at the other end of my dinner. So instead of denying, clinging to, or pushing anything away, I simply ate. I sat presently with each new mouthful and experienced the joys of flavour without wishing for the taste to stay. I sat with the spice too and noticed myself eventually letting go of illusory labels of pain and discomfort. Soon neither sensation was labeled as “good” or “bad,” they were both purely sensation.

I quickly realized that in my desire to avoid the heat and the discomfort that came with it, I would be creating attachment for myself in not simply experiencing the full spectrum of things as they are. In striving or wishing to only encounter comfort and “positive’ sensation, I would be denying and avoiding the other side of the coin. I would soon be met with a more intense and longer-lasting burning sensation at the other end of my dinner. So instead of denying, clinging to, or pushing anything away, I simply ate. I sat presently with each new mouthful and experienced the joys of flavour without wishing for the taste to stay. I sat with the spice too and noticed myself eventually letting go of illusory labels of pain and discomfort. Soon neither sensation was labeled as “good” or “bad,” they were both purely sensation.

As my mental models were allowed to disperse, the true nature of each feeling emerged and I quickly found myself enjoying both the spice and the sweetness thoroughly, exactly as they were. While at first each opposing sensation had completely clouded the memory or possibility of the other, they soon held each other in balance. Each held the capacity for the other.

I learnt so much more than I ever thought you could learn from a stir fry.

If I had eaten as fast as I could, I would have completely missed the opportunity to enjoy its deliciousness. The heat would have slowly built up underneath the facade of sweetness and would have been waiting for me on the other side. This speaks to me of emotional avoidance. When we deny and avoid the feelings we label as “negative,” and distract ourselves with overconsumption and instant gratification, we deny the full spectrum of our human experience. These feelings of hurt or sadness or anger can only truly be released through acceptance. When we avoid them they well up inside and lie in wait for our crutches of dopamine and gratification – whatever they may be – to run dry. In our hearts we know this, so we are inhibited from truly enjoying the comfort we seek. Human experience envelops all sides of emotion and feeling. There is nothing to seek and there is nothing to run from, there is only that which is. All that you encounter, whether labeled as “pleasant” or “unpleasant” by your thinking mind, has something to teach you.

When in the throws of spice, my stir fry felt hopeless. The taste did not seem worth the pain. But with each new mouthful, the burn was a mere memory and could not touch me. Similarly, when pain and hurt visit us it is so easy to forget the goodness of life. It can feel as if we’ll never see happiness again, all the way up until we inevitably do. And so in our happiness we feel invincible, as if pain or sadness can not reach us and does not reside within our plane of existence. Until, inevitably, it does.

In happiness and peace lies the promise of hurt and discomfort. In darkness and anger lies the capacity for enjoyment and bliss. All these feelings are entangled and mixed up together in one big, emotional stir fry of conscious experience. You can choose to allow yourself to feel and embrace all sides of the emotional spectrum. You can allow yourself the joy of letting go of attachments and mental labels. In doing so you can prevent anything from building up and growing heavy inside your heart.