Developing Empathic Listening

A personal essay written about empathic listening.

For this assignment I have chosen to interview about the topic of drugs and alcohol. I have been in recovery from drugs for over 16 years and alcohol for 9 years. That makes this topic very intense for me to discuss. I have very absolute views on this topic and I am very boisterous about my stance on drugs and alcohol in the world.M􏰐 􏰑black and white􏰒belief is that illegal drugs and alcohol should not be used for any reason and prescription drugs should really be more limited in their usage. Too many people die from drug and alcohol related deaths. Way too many world issues stem from the use of drugs and alcohol; abuse, suicide, depression, rape, crime, etc. I am very set in my views on these topics, which made it very difficult to be an empathic listener.

I had the honor of interviewing Deborah Lindsey. Deborah is an independent woman and business owner in the town of Elko. Throughout her life she raised 5 children, all of which had a drug or alcohol problem at some point in their lives. Deborah was also married to a man for 30 years who was in Alcoholics Anonymous. With her experience with drugs and alcohol, I thought it would be powerful to listen to her views on the topic of drugs and alcohol.

Deborah has never had an 􏰑addictive personalit􏰐􏰒 as she would sa􏰐. She has neverunderstood how people can abuse drugs and alcohol, as she can􏰓t stand the feeling she gets whenshe is even a little drunk. Therefore, she has never tried any kind of drug from fear of losing control of herself and getting sick. Deborah feels as if the legalization of alcohol and marijuana is perfectly acceptable, but she does understand that people abuse it. She clearly feels powerful about the abuse of these substances, seeing as her children have all experienced it at some point.She has no doubt that alcoholism is a disease, and it quite confuses her wh􏰐 she was 􏰑one of the luck􏰐 ones􏰒 in being able to moderate her drinkingin life. One thing that Deborah was very passionate about was prescription drugs. She felt anger towards doctors and how they are so

quick to prescribe drugs for long periods of time instead of working with people to rehabilitate them in the ways that would help them not be on prescriptions forever. In conclusion to our discussion Deborah feels as if the legalization of these substances is not the problem, but that people who abuse them are the problem.

Empathic listening is known as a listening skill during hard conversations where thelistener is full􏰐 engaged and doesn􏰓t den􏰐 the other􏰓s concerns. A form of understanding and awareness must be present during this listening time. During empathic listening some sensitivity and emotion must be expressed to the other person. By practicing this type of listening we create solid relationships and a form of trust between people. This is a very positive and productive way to communicate.

The process of empathic listening was difficult for me with such a powerful topic. I am very set in my ways when it comes to this topic, so not reacting to the comments made was a very hard practice. The biggest thing I struggled with was showing understanding and not making Deborah feel wrong in her choice. Deborah knows my stance on drugs and alcohol, so I really had to set the tone to the discussion beforehand. I had to make sure she was ready to be fully transparent and honest if I promised to practice empathic listening the entire time with no judgement. The beginning of the conversation was hard because Deborah would start to respondto a question in form of 􏰑asking me permission􏰒, if that makes sense.Eventually, Deborah was able to let her guard down and be honest about her personal opinion on this matter.

Deborah and I have completely different views on the topic of drugs and alcohol. I could see it was difficult for her to be so forthcoming of her opinions and she really second guessed herself a lot. We were able to discuss the hesitation after our interview. It was hard for her to express her opinions as she felt like she was a little wrong in them knowing what all her kids

have gone through. It didn􏰓t seem to change her answers but it sure made her think.It made me uncomfortable to sit back and listen without responding because I think it is simply wrong to think that teaching our youth to use substances that only harm you is acceptable in society. I think that lesson starts with parents, and parents all over the world are failing. I did keep those opinions to myself and was able to listen.

The way I expressed my empathic listening skills was I sat directly in front of Deborah. We were in a room with no distractions. I had a pen and paper to keep notes as well as my list of questions in front of me. I made direct eye contact the entire time and watched my body language. I did not want to seem tense and make her uncomfortable. At times I repeated a portion of her answer back to her and sometimes I asked basic clarifying questions. I showed emotional interest when speaking to her. One thing I never did was express my opinion to her. Doing these things continuously started to make Deborah feel comfortable talking to me and opening up more about the topic.

I tr􏰐 to make it one of m􏰐 life􏰓s missions to teach the world that drugs and alcohol are notthe answer for anything; depression, hard times, fun times, backyard BBQs, etc. Drugs and alcohol kill people. Period. It is a pretty simple concept in my eyes. The majority of the worlddoes not agree with me, simpl􏰐 because imagining giving up their 􏰑crutch􏰒 in life scares them.Having these strong opinions and deadly experiences makes it hard for people to connect with me I think.

During this entire lesson all I wanted to do was shake Deborah and tell her 􏰑how it is􏰒.Laughable! I assure you that I did not do that. It was very hard to keep my mouth shut on this topic. It reminded me of the last few years in the world though. With social media people tend to speak out about topics, as if they are safe hiding behind their computer. Friends started

unfriending one another because they had differing views on topics. It made me really sad to see that, so this assignment was very eye opening. Wh􏰐 can􏰓t we all agree to disagree? Wh􏰐 can webe the friend that listens? We have this urge to get people to see our truth instead of letting people be who they are. I am allowed to have my opinions but I am also allowed to let my friends have theirs.

References

Barwick-Snell, K., & Walker, V. (2019).Becoming Aware: A Text/Workbook for Human Relations and Personal Adjustment(Workbook ed.). Kendall Hunt Pub Co.