What if all those women had given up?

Mariele Klering

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A few months ago, I saw a post on Reddit BJJ Women saying, "Leave schools if you are the only girl in class.”​
Very controversial. I can see the point; being the only girl in a class could be a red flag nowadays. However, my thoughts went back to when being the only girl in class was a normal thing.
BJJ is predominantly men, and only recently have we seen a great influx of women in the schools (thank God!).
But what if those women had followed the advice of leaving if they were the only one? I keep asking myself: “Where would I be if they did that?
Definitely not in BJJ. One of the reasons that made me stay was the fact there was a big group of girls in my school. And for that group to be formed, someone had to be the first one.
One woman had to face the heat, to clear the path full of weeds in the form of sexism and/or bad behaviour from men.
Twelve years ago, I was the only girl selected for an internship at an IT company - it was me and 5 guys. I was starting fresh, too young to understand how that would shape my future and personality. On the first day, I could spot only three women in a team of 70+ people. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until I saw them; I confess, I felt relieved.
Those women were crucial to my development. They showed me the ropes and helped me become the first woman to join a small elite team responsible for the most important overseas client at the time.
I had many sleepless nights proving my worth. My soft and quiet voice, with broken English, lacked confidence in meetings. I had to listen to a lot of sexist comments, put them aside, and keep going.
When it came time to ask for a raise, they said that whatever I was working on, any of their engineers could learn it—I wasn't that special. We disagreed. I put my foot down and demanded a review of that decision. I deserved that raise.
During one of the many meetings aimed at changing my mind, I remember looking out the window and seeing thousands of women marching in protest for women's rights. That day was International Women's Day—March 8th.
I smiled, surprised by the timeliness of it, wishing I was downstairs with them but also knowing I was protesting in my own way inside that little room. I was paving the way for the next woman to come and be treated the right way.​
The fact is, everywhere you see women today, that space was earned with difficulties and struggles. They had to fight (literally) for the right way to be treated and for the fact that women belong everywhere they want to be.
This applies to the place you work, a table where the decisions are made, and a BJJ gym too.
One woman had to persevere and demand changes in that room full of men who were probably stronger and more confident than her.
Because these women chose to fight, most of us today can enter a gym and have a better environment for us to train. If today we feel safe doing that, we own to them.
What if all those women had given up?
I am glad they didn’t.
I am grateful for every woman that came before me and fought for what she thought was right—even though it was not easy.
And I feel it is now my duty to do the same for those who will come after me.
Don’t be afraid to fight for what you deserve.
And don’t be afraid to be the first one to do that.

Mat Motivation: Women's Jiu-Jitsu Testimonials

Welcome to our cool newsletter feature! We're diving into the world of BJJ with amazing women from all over. The question I asked them to answer is "What drives you to step onto the mat each day and continue your BJJ journey?".
Get ready to be inspired by their stories, passion, and dedication!

Sherra Scott, white belt, South Carolina - US

"I sort of got addicted to BJJ. I started the beginning of September with the intention of going twice a week. I ended up going to all 4 classes that week & haven't looked back! It's been 4 times per week from then on. I'm currently the only woman (small gym), oldest, and all the guys outweigh me by 95 pounds or more. But I love it! I never in my life thought I would have enjoyed combat sports this much. If class gets canceled (coach sick, etc.), I get bummed out! When I leave the house or work (depending on the day) to go to BJJ, I cheerily say, "I'm going to get my ass kicked!" I come back exhausted, sweaty, with new bruises, & a smile on my face. Yeah, I think I'm addicted."

The Resilient Mind - Jiu-Jitsu Insights for Life

Your go-to research-based BJJ newsletter where every question finds an answer! Curious about what the BJJ community thinks? Hit subscribe! I am also the author of the book "Mat as a Mirror: Reflecting Stories of Women's Strength and Confidence through Jiu-Jitsu".
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Posted Nov 30, 2024

Exploring women’s resilience in male-dominated spaces, this article highlights the feminist perspective on perseverance and its power to drive growth and change

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Helping Kids Build Resilience Through BJJ
Helping Kids Build Resilience Through BJJ
Self-Publishing of book "Mat as a Mirror"
Self-Publishing of book "Mat as a Mirror"