Ghostwriting Bestselling Memoir

TABLE OF CONTENT

CHAPTER 1

Uncertainty Knocks

CHAPTER 2

Surreal Reality

CHAPTER 3

The Brink of Hopelessness

CHAPTER 4

Uncertainty Knocks

CHAPTER 5

Who Knows Tomorrow?

CHAPTER 6

Hang on Ashley, Hang on!

 

The little eighteen-year-old me was shaken by the murder scene. Without taking a look at the mirror, I could tell my body was covered in blood. I could even smell it all around me as I sat in the dark, hunched over a dead body. When I was much younger, I yearned to be an adult, but the sight I just witnessed wasn't the kind of adulthood I signed up for. A scene filled with trauma, blood, and a dead body was most certainly not part of the plan!

After hearing the wheezing breath of the man, I fell into a state of shock. The sudden realization that despite my promises to keep him alive, I wasn't able to bring him any comfort created a deafening silence within me. The air around me became eerily stuffy and the night a shade darker than usual. I stared blankly until the flashlights of the police cast a spotlight in the dark alley. Their yellow-tinted lights poured into my eyes when I looked up. Although the lights were blinding, I could easily identify the white bodywork of the ambulance and the police car that led the two-man convoy.

I watched as an officer strode to me. “Are you, alright, miss?” the voice of a policeman traveled into my ears.

“Miss.” He called again when he got no response from me. A single look at me and one could tell I was visibly shaken. Perhaps, the policeman saw that too and maybe that’s why he suggested taking me to the station instead of questioning me right away.

“We must bring you down to the police station for questioning. Is that okay miss?” he softly asked.

“Yes.” I managed to voice out in a trembling voice.

My legs shook as I stood up. In unsteady movement, the policeman assisted me to the car that was parked at the west end of the alley. Along the walk, I learned that this was the second murder of the night in this city. The other murder happened only an hour before, and just a few blocks away.

“Here, let me get the door for you.” The policeman nicely offered.

“Thanks,” I managed to cough out a word of appreciation.

I entered the vehicle after he opened the door. My heart was beating rapidly that I could hear the sound. When I looked through the window, I saw the body of the man. He was still lying in the same position I left him - cold and motionless. The more I looked at him, the more I could hear the final wheezing sound he made as he drew his final breath. It was loud, full of pain, and a determination to leave this cruel world.

"Can we turn on the radio, please? PLEASE!” I desperately pleaded in a bid to distract myself.

I appreciated that the only source of noise throughout our drive to the police station was the soft music the driver had turned on. When we arrived, I was led down a narrow and dimly lit hallway.

"Okay, just in here," the officer said as he opened the door to a bright but windowless room. There is a white colored plastic table and four steel chairs at the center.

"Take a seat." he urged me as I skeptically analyzed the room.

"Can I get you something to drink?" He added.

"Water, please." I quietly replied.

The officer turns to leave the room and I take a seat in one of the available chairs. I am trembling. My hands, my legs, and my feet are shaking. My stomach is also in knots. I can feel the contents I ate trying to climb their way out of my esophagus and rid themselves from my body. I try to pass the time by gazing at the ceiling. In the far corner, I notice a small brown stain. As I focus on the stain's dark hue, I feel my heart beat faster. It makes me think of his eyes.

"Here is that water you asked for."

"Thanks," I muttered as I recovered from my daze, albeit I was terrified.

"Are you alright?" He immediately asked noting the sudden renewed fear in me.

"Yes. I'm fine." Saying I was fine was more like a conviction to my inner being that everything will be alright amidst the storm.

"What were you staring at?" The officer looks in the direction of my gaze, totally not buying my affirmation.

"Oh, that stain in the corner."

"This building is very old." He surprisingly explained. Not like I needed it.

The officer slides a bottle of water across the table to where I am seated. I hungrily gulp down the water.

"You should get cleaned up. Do you need a paramedic to look at you?" He asked while sizing me up.

"Yes."

"Okay, let’s start with that."

He signaled me to follow him. I quickly slid out of my chair and followed behind him. The officer points in the direction of the women's washroom.

Inside the washroom, I smell a citrus-like fragrance in the air, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. However, I like the fragrance. I peer down at the bottom of the washroom’s stalls. I don’t see anyone. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I am alone.

I approach the bathroom sink and hold onto both sides for support. I raise my head gradually so that I can see myself in the mirror. I tremble when I see myself and turn away. I want to quickly leave the restroom. Leave the police station and possibly get out of this city quickly. I want to flee as far as I can or just vanish from this planet.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? NO, NO, NO, NO!" The last mental strength I held onto finally cracked as I slump down onto the floor and sob uncontrollably. I looked worse than one of those Hollywood serial killers. I had blood all over me! My tears invaded my face like raindrops. I feel them dripping down my chin, so, I lift my hand to wipe my face.

"Eww, snot!" It was the worse decision I made at that moment. My tears were covered in blood. I quickly stood up and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked red and puffy. My lips were dry. I stared blankly at my reflection. I feel nothing. It was more like the power fuse controlling my brain suddenly stopped working.

Robotically, I turn on the water and pump soap into my hands. I work the soap into a soothing lather. I watch his blood wash off my hands and form red streaks in the sink. The smell of the blood makes my brain boots back to function. My emotions were all over the place and they were uncontrollable. The washroom suddenly became too small for me to be in. A rush of panic flowed through my body as I felt nauseous. I grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and fled from the washroom. I walk straight back to the holding room and met the officer sitting in a chair at the table, waiting patiently. He smiles at me as I enter the room.

“We have a paramedic coming to look at you,” he announced.

“Okay,” I muttered quickly.

“Do you mind if we start with a few questions before they arrive?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me your full name?”

(insert name)

“Can you tell me how old you are?”

“I’m eighteen.”

“Do you have an emergency contact?”

“Yes. My pare....” There was a sudden loud knock on the door that interrupted and startled me.

“Come in!” The officer yelled without taking his eyes off me.

The door opens and a tall man with dirty brown hair enters the room. He is the paramedic the policeman earlier mentioned. I sigh inwardly as he approaches me because I was a bit unsure of what to expect. He approaches me and takes a seat in front of me.

“Hi.” he greeted.

“Hello,” I muttered.

“How are you?”

“Not good,” I honestly replied.

“Sorry about that,” he empathized. Although he verbally emphasized with me, I could tell this was something he had done a thousand times. “Can you tell me a bit about what happened tonight?” He slowly added like he was been extra careful.

His question plunged me down memory lane. I collapse my head into my hands under the weight of his question. “I just witnessed a murder,” I muttered a bit unprepared to recall the graphic scenes.

“Oh,” he mouthed and his expression seemed as though he felt sorry for me. He scanned my body and asked, "In that case, is the blood on your body yours?"

"No, it is not mine."

"Okay, I’ll just need to take a quick look at you then," he explained. "Is that alright?"

"Yes."

The paramedic stands up and smiles at me for a moment. I can tell he feels sorry for me, but I don’t care. I just wished the murder never happened. If so, I wouldn't be in the police station. Alas, reality proved otherwise. He grabs my right arm and lifts it for a quick scan. I watch as he visually scans my arm from top to bottom and rotates it at the elbow.

"This looks good," he commented.

I lean back in my chair feeling a bit relieved. He grabs the left arm and repeats the process.

"Okay, good. No obvious cuts or lesions. Do you feel pain anywhere?" He questioned.

"No."

"Okay, good."

Just when I was about to heave a sigh of relief, the paramedic revealed jaw-shattering information.

"Well, the good news is, it appears that the blood hasn’t gotten into your system," he said. I looked at him quizzically hoping he would further explain. "But, just out of precaution you will need to follow up with bloodwork in one month and test for blood transmitted diseases like HIV."

I stared blankly ahead, without saying a word. From the corner of my eyes, I could see him staring at me. I'm not sure what the hell he expected me to say or how to act! He looked like he wanted me to ask some questions. But I could not wrap my head around the information he divulged.

I could have HIV! It was just a possibility but the thought of it freaked the hell outta me.

“I know it is a lot to take in at the moment but try not to worry. We will test his blood too," he said after a long uncomfortable moment of silence. He awkwardly smiled.

His words did not seem to provide peace and calm to my already erupting mind which was in turmoil. Internally I was screaming and clenching my teeth so hard. The pressure alone on my teeth could cause them to break but I didn't care.

“Let me know if she needs anything," the man breezed out the same way he came. I wondered how he managed to stay that calm after delivering a 50:50 life or death warranty to me.

“Sure, thanks." The policeman replied to the paramedic before he left. The silence in the room deepened after the departure of the paramedic.

“Are you alright?” the policeman asked me.

“Sure,” I said in a voice loud enough for his ears only.

The officer grabbed a clipboard that was hanging on the wall behind his seat. “When you’re ready, can you tell me what happened tonight?” He said in a voice that was not pushy yet it stirred something within me. My eyes begin to well up with tears.

“Tonight, my friend and I were just hanging out on the porch behind our house,” I recalled.

“What time was this?”

“Umm. Around 7 pm.”

He smiles and writes it down on the clipboard he took earlier. Then he inquired, “What were you two doing on the porch?”

“We were just chatting and having a conversation.“

“Okay, then what happened?” He said, trying to lead me on.

“We heard a loud noise coming from the alley.”

“Where is the alley? Is it nearby your house?” He curiously pried.

“It’s at the end of our backyard.”

“Roughly speaking, how far is the alley from your porch?”

I cast my head down and try to recall the distance from my house to the alley. “ Umm… I don’t know. Maybe about 30 feet.”

My approximation made him reach a certain conclusion. “So, your backyard is small?”

“Yes, very small that I can see the alley perfectly from the porch,” I affirmed.

“You mentioned earlier that heard a loud noise. What kind of noise was it?

“A loud crash. It sounded like a car accident.”

“Okay, then what?”

“My friend and I looked in the direction that we heard the noise. We saw a car had crashed into a hydro pole a few houses up from where we were.”

“Do you remember the make of the car?” His hands were already on the clipboard, awaiting to note down my response.

I think back trying to remember the details of the car. “I’m not sure, but it was some type of grey-colored Sedan.”

He again noted what I said. Afterward, he looked up and asked, “What did you do when you heard the noise?”

“Well, we headed down the stairs immediately after we heard the crash. We were going to go check if whoever crashed their car was okay. But before we got down the stairs, we heard people screaming.“

“What kind of screaming?” he questioned.

“What do you mean?” I asked in a voice filled with uncertainty.

“Were the people screaming for help?” he clarified.

“No. They were shouting. They sounded angry.” I replied as I remembered the voices that rang in arguments. My friend and I upon sensing it was about to get violent ran back to the stairs and crouched behind the railing of the porch. Although we were scared, we didn’t exactly return to the house. Everything was happening so fast and before we knew it, we saw a short man running down the alley with two men chasing after him. One of the men caught up with the short man running and he shoved him to the ground. Then the other guy caught up. They both started kicking and cursing at the man who was now at their mercy. He was overpowered by them. The only thing he could do was cry and plead for mercy…”

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” the policeman interjected when he realized my voice had begun to crack and I was scared from recounting the ordeal.

“Are you okay to continue?” he asked,

I managed to pull my emotions together to continue. “Umm… The next thing I remember is one of the men was holding a metal rod. He lifted the rod high in the air and when he brought his hands down, it was to hit the man on the head. I heard a loud cracking sound… Sorry. I might need a minute.”

“No need to be sorry. You’re doing great. We can continue when you’re ready,” he assured me.

On the other hand, I was choking on my tears. The horrific and tragic incident left me traumatized whenever I thought back on what happened. I took a few minutes to manage my emotions before I spoke with the policeman again.

He started by asking, “What about the other man?”

He was referring to the second man who was at the scene. I slowly explained, “At one point he picked the man up off the ground by his shirt. He pulled him close to him. It was weird. I think he whispered something to him.”

The policeman considered this an important point since he noted it down.

“Then I saw the man pull a large knife out of his back pocket.” I hear my voice crack but I tried hard to continue. “He… He… Umm… Umm. He stabbed him over and over.”

“Where?” He questioned.

“On his chest. I couldn’t take it anymore as I screamed at the men after seeing them stab the victim. I urged them to stop.”

The policeman took a double take at me when he heard my response. Then he asked, “What did they do when you shouted at them?”

“The guy with the rod just looked at me for a moment and ran away. I think he freaked out seeing there was a witness.”

“What did the other guy do?” he curiously asked.

“He let the guy go and I watched him fall straight back onto the ground. After the man fell to the ground, he just stood there, holding the knife firmly in his hand and he stared right at me.”

“What did you do?”

“I just stood on the porch frozen. I was petrified. My stomach tightened as I expected him to run into our backyard and stab me. Time passed but he just stared. After a while, he dropped the knife and ran off in the same direction his friend did.”

“What did you do after they left?”

“I told my friend who was shaking from fear to go inside and call 911. Then I ran into the alley to go check on the man.”

“So, you ran into the alley alone?” The curiosity in his voice was glaring. He couldn’t understand why I acted the way I did but then, that make the two of us!

“I know, I’m an idiot, I wasn’t thinking.”

He shook his head in disagreement. Then he said, “It’s normal for us to do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do when we are in a state of shock.” Then he further inquired, “Was the man dead when you approached him?”

“No. He was still alive, struggling to breathe. I could hear him wheezing and I knew he was in bad condition.”

“Meaning?”

“That day, when I drew closer to him, I saw a part of his skull on the ground. I remember seeing the different layers of his head.”

It was difficult to tell the police exactly what occurred because, at most points, I was robotically acting. I remember at one point I lifted the guy’s shirt and saw stab marks everywhere. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I didn’t know how to alleviate the man’s pain. So, I attempted CPR thinking it would make him feel better and probably stop the wheezing but that made things worse. As I was pumping his chest, blood started spurting out of his mouth and running down his jaw. So, I kneeled near his head and started talking to him.

He tried so hard to say something to me but he couldn’t bring himself to voice out a word. He was in so much more pain than I could ever imagine. Whenever he coughed, it was followed by a mouthful of blood and bubbles. At that moment, I wasn’t sure how to comfort him so I told him I love him. When those three words escaped from my mouth, he stared deeply into my eyes like he was peering into my soul. It was like he had found the only goodness in the world. When I realized that I would be the last person he would see on earth, I felt so much responsibility pile on my shoulder. I smiled at him and in a small voice, I said to him, “It is okay, I don’t want you to suffer anymore, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Reach out to it, and you will be better.”

No matter what I said, he just kept looking at me. At one point, we were both silent and staring at each other. Then he stopped staring and a realization hit me that he was gone.

Sitting in the holding room with the policeman that day was a herculean task. The policeman reassured me that I was brave and had done my best, but guilt had taken control of my feelings. He died, and I failed to save him. I felt so devastated that I began to struggle to breathe. It was as though death had also come for my life.

It felt so real that I frantically began to wave my hands in the air to get the officer's attention. But he just stared at me in the eyes like he didn’t have influence over the angel of death. I blinked several times at him before breathing what I assumed to be my last.