Loving Ourselves

One of my favorite songs in the world is, “What’s it all about, Alfie,” by Hal David and Burt Bacharach.  There is something about the chords and the lyrics which have kept me playing it over and over on the piano for years.  What’s life all about?  Is it about finding love, being kind, and knowing that heaven exist?  Or is really just about staying in the moment and being kind?

This life journey is not for the weak of heart and mind for that matter.  The last couple of years during the corona virus pandemic has proven that humanity can show it greatest strength and its cruelest face.  In the beginning, I was so amazed how we banded together to take care of each other.  We found our homes and families to reconnect and be safe within.  Love, family, and reason for life became important.  The thought came to mind that perhaps this horrible situation might actually be what we all needed…like a big ‘ol punch in the jaw to cause us to get ourselves back to love.  Sadly, what happened in the coming year was fear, disagreements, fighting, and families and friends being torn apart by death and differences of opinions.  What’s it all about I kept asking myself?  “Are we meant to take more than we give, or are we meant to be kind?” 

I chose to remove myself as much as possible from the tyrannic energy of the masses.  Life is certainly not about running away, however, for me, it was about staying clear of negativity.  I want to be a light in the world. To be that,  I must protect myself from the dowsing of my flame.  It’s not an easy task to keep one’s mind always on the higher plane especially when there is so much negativity in the world.  Navigating in our world where money and health seem to be driving forces takes skill and perseverance.  It takes the help of other people, services, employers, and yes, even government.  Like it or not, we are all in this together and have to find an answer for ourselves and the greater good.

And so I am slowly finding my answer through this all.  I am discovering I am my own lighthouse, the captain of my ship, and responsible for my feelings.  To be your own greatest friend and support is a gift.  To be in love with your heart, laugh with yourself, and realize your own dreams, and to truly love ourselves is the truth north.   “Without true love, we just exist, Alfie.”  

January found me though spiraling in a storm.  I felt no traction with healthy habits and fear of many things began setting in. It felt as if I had nothing more to give or shine light on as well as feeling emptied of hope and energy to do anything about it.  I was not at a bottom but a low that felt gradually like a black hole which was sucking more energy with everything that came near.  The what if’s and the big question of what’s it all about consumed me.  I frantically threw life lines to friends, family, and professionals.  Fortunately, my personal relationship with God reminded me to simply allow grace and to surrender.  In my heart I know the answer came with this action.  It’s coming in a very slow but clear manner.  When I stop trying to find new answers and purely focus on simple truths, it all begins working.  

In a photo of me yesterday and the end of January, I am feeling like a fire of hope and light is catching in me.  I have a lot to do to regain my health and fitness since I have spent a year letting it go and trying to survive me being me.  It will all return and stronger and with more light than before…this I know.  A significant victory occurred quickly…I came to the decision to truly love myself. Allowing grace for the mistakes and imperfections in life to transcend me to self-love.   A life partner may or may not ever come but I will have my best friend and soul mate with me always…and that’s me!  Only when we can love ourselves, giving respect to our health, relationships, and well-designed boundaries, can we also share the love light this world needs. 

So why even share my struggles and vulnerable moments?  It’s always been important to be transparent and honest.  I appreciate when I see other women triumph over life’s battles.  They inspire me on so many levels and I want to be that to another women…maybe it’s you?  

I am light, love, I am faithful, and I know from my experience that things always work out somehow. They truly do.  

“When you walk let your heart lead the way, and you’ll find love any day, Alfie.”  That’s what it’s all about.