What Does It Mean to Feel Content?

I’m going through a transformative phase in my life right now, making big decisions and trying to regain control of my life, which has got me thinking and reflecting on how I perceive my life in general. One of the things that keeps coming up in these reflections is the feeling of contentment and gratitude. “Are you content? Should you feel content? What if you’re not? You should feel content then.” I didn’t grow up with much, and I had to quickly learn how to just accept what was available to me and not ask for too much. I needed to be content with the kind of life I had back then because there was no other option. Sometimes I was even praised for being such a grateful child, never asking for anything, always taking and accepting what was offered without complaints or questions.

It’s created this guilt-driven pattern where I reprimand myself for not being content enough with what I have, even if the thought of wanting more or asking for more crosses my mind. That’s why I’m struggling now, as an adult, to want more out of life: because I’m scared I won’t be practicing enough gratitude for what I already have if I let myself just wonder. I often find myself fighting this battle — wanting to manifest better things for myself, set more goals and ambitions, but then quickly recoiling into the mentality of ‘But other people have it worse. You should be thankful.’

While gratitude is very important and should be one of the foundational things that ground us, I don’t want to fall into the trap of stopping myself from living or chasing my dreams out of fear of being an inconvenience to an already unkind world. I grew up in a society where, as women, we were always told to settle, accept, submit, and just coexist. It’s been engraved in our minds ever since we were born that we should just put up with everything and anything. That idea has often been used to silence us and make sure we don’t fight for what’s ours. I don’t know if this would count as rebellion, but I think that’s why I refuse to just be and bow down to any kind of system or belief that doesn’t allow me to want or ask for more.

There are a lot of nuances to the notion of contentment that I’m trying to explore here. To me, it’s intertwined with a sense of identity and ownership. It’s a challenge to redefine my place in the world and how I can fit in on my own terms. It may sound a bit far-fetched, but I’d even take it further and say that it can also stem from the feeling -or, for some, the fact- of being the ‘other.’ If you’re someone who has to navigate life as a member of a minority group, or even someone who simply perceives themselves as different -no matter what that entails- you’ll know what I mean.

After moving abroad, I had to really learn how to operate in a society that always looks at me differently. I had to be content with the simplest interactions, ones that go by without any hints of racism or microaggression. I had to be grateful that I was somehow “allowed” to coexist with the people here, even though others think I shouldn’t have been. You see where I’m going with this? It takes me back again to how I grew up and the life I had — in a way that makes it seem like I have had, and will always have, to settle for something one way or another in my life.

I find it unfair and unjust, and it actually makes me angry. It makes me question things like a little kid: ‘Why does it have to be like that?’ By ‘it,’ I mean existing in this world as a girl, woman, and simply as a human being — someone who should be allowed to ask for more despite the conditions and circumstances. It is a tough balance, and sometimes a fine line -one that gets too blurry to clearly paint- between feeling content and not turning bitter. I know I’m not a bitter person at my core, and I always make sure to ground myself if I start to feel like I’m about to be. But, I’ve realized that we can sometimes lose sight of this line when we’re thinking about what more we can have or do for ourselves.

I don’t want -or intend- to take away anything from someone else in order to nurture myself or better my life. I’d just like to feel that I have the power and means to make things happen for me. My ideal world is one where I am being myself freely, living the life I created and wanted for myself, and feeling absolute, genuine contentment and gratitude that aren’t conditional or temporal. I don’t want the word ‘settle’ to exist in my dictionary unless it’s really imperative in some context. In this regard, feeling content should stem from a place of peacefulness, serendipity, and completeness. If I find myself asking, ‘Why am I not content?’ the answer should not be ‘Stop it. You should be anyway.’ On the contrary, I should not stop until I find out why, and then do my best to take matters into my own hands and make things better. That’s it.

My main New Year’s resolution was to take more steps, make the leaps (even if they’re not always considered big ones), and stop waiting for someone else to make things happen for me. I’m the only one responsible for the kind of life I want to have for myself, and if I don’t wake up every day ready to put a tiny brick in the wall to build it with that kind of determination, I can’t expect anyone else to do the same. In fact, I shouldn’t. I will gladly make my own way and create an even bigger space for myself to exist freely and contentedly.

Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.