Bible-based Creative Writing Piece

The Prayer That Answered All Others

In silence, Holly cried as she lay in bed, her husband Frank was lying next to her, snoring rather loudly, like a broken old truck struggling its way up a long hill. With each sound, her silent soft tears increased. She was the most unhappy of women, married to a man she did not love, an unclean man, a man who did not know what cleanliness meant, a man who did not care for her opinion nor regarded her words.

“O Lord, help me. Please take me out of this marriage,” she prayed silently. All the while knowing that her request was not likely to be answered. She knew her God to be one who forgives sins, but also one who allowed his children to live out the consequences of their sins, even though forgiven.

Holly knew she was trapped in this loveless marriage because of her selfishness. She knew from the beginning that she had no intimate feelings for Frank. First, he had poor hygiene, some of his teeth were rotted and he did not seem to notice the terrible scent he carried around with him when he travelled the streets after work.

She had first noticed this one evening when they had just started speaking, she had met him in the town. Immediately she had smelled that not too nice scent emanating from him. But she had been too ashamed to tell him, or maybe she was too proud. From that time, she should have broken it off, but her desperation for a child had led her to ignore all the signs of incompatibility between them.

As she lay there recalling the events that had led her to where she was now, Holly berated herself and God for not telling her that he was not the right husband for her. She remembered that she had prayed and asked God for a sign if Frank was the right one. But even though she had prayed, God did not answer, or perhaps she did not wait long enough for the answer, she did not quite know.

She had wanted a baby, and in her desperation, at 34, she was willing to get any man she could, even one she knew she did not love. She had thought that even though she had no romantic feelings for Frank, it wouldn’t be hard to fake it, and still be happy as long as she had what she wanted – a baby. So, she had been the one to broach the subject of marriage, to him. In the little interactions she had with Frank, she thought him to be a nice guy, soft spoken and not stubborn.

Now, her pains were even greater because she knew that if she hadn’t brought up the idea of marriage, he would never have suggested it; he was that timid. She knew her current heartache could only be laid at her feet. She was to be blamed, but that did not stop her from resenting her husband, from wishing she was single again, from wishing he was another man, from wishing it was just her and her son.

Her son, Caleb, was the only source of joy in her life. The only time she was happy was when she was alone at home with him, no husband. Frank was self-employed and had his own business, one that he ran poorly, one that brought in no money. This was another source of disappointment for her: Frank was so timid that he was fearful of his customers, afraid to demand payment for the work he did, afraid to set a good cost for his job, afraid to say no to their unfair requests. As a result, he was always broke, always working, every single day except Saturday Sabbath, the day they went to church. And even then, sometimes, he broke the Sabbath because a customer might demand he finish a job; he was so weak, it irritated her. She had always wanted a strong man, a man who would take charge – provide for his family, lead his family as a priest of God, teach his child to be a man, protect and pamper his wife; Frank was none of those things, in fact he was the complete opposite. He was timid and pliable, so easy to be pushed around and led by others – except for her, he never seemed to listen to her; he seemed only to listen to his nurse friend.

The very thought of that nurse irritated her. He is always going on about her. “Oh nurse is the one who always looks out for me, I can always depend on her, she is the only one who cares for me.” This is what he constantly said on the phone to his friends – in front of her – as if she did nothing for him. Wasn’t she the one who washed his dirty smelly clothes, cooked food for him, bought him undergarments when his own were falling off of him, yet he still wore them. How can he say, only Nurse has done anything for him?

He did not appreciate anything she did; if she cooked rice, he’d say, “Oh, I’m tired of rice.” Yet if one of his friends gave him rice, he would eat it. Then, she’d say, Ok, let me cook something different, so she’d go to the market and get ground provision and cook that, then he’d say on the phone to his friends --- in her hearing – “Boy I couldn’t tell the last time I’ve gotten a good plate of food to eat.” Yet when he cooked, he would cook the same ground provision and eat it. It was obvious to her, that as she didn’t love him, it seems he didn’t love her. No matter how she tried to do something to please him, he never seemed pleased.

She remembered one instance they had gone to church and he had complimented a church sister on her dress. That had hurt her deeply because from the time they were married until the current day, he had never once told her she looked nice or that her hair looked nice. Not once!

At first, him not saying it didn’t bother her because she grew up in a family that did not express love. She had never seen her father and mother share any close moments, not even a hug. Growing up, there were no expressions of love in her house. Nobody said, “I love you.” It was just never done. In fact, the first time she remembered getting a hug was when she was about 23, when her cousin had returned from a foreign country – that was a very hard thing for her to receive, for she had never done it before.

So, she did not learn how to express her feelings, to express emotions. “Perhaps,” she thought, “This is why I have a difficult time showing love,” and then there was the ... Just the thought of that terrible memory only brought on more pain. The thought of how it happened, when it happened, and how it had ruined her saw a sea of unsolved, unrealised bitterness flood her heart.

She was a teenager when it started. She had been continuously molested by an older cousin and when she had finally told her mother, she had just remained silent and said nothing. She had told her mother the morning after one the incidents, while the cousin was staying at their house for a few days. Yet, she had said and done nothing. And he had just continued abusing her.

Then there were other incidents with a neighbour, another cousin, and a driver on her way to school. Her youth had been a series of sexual abuse, not outright rape, mind you. Then when she had become an adult, a shattered self image had left her very vulnerable. Ultimately, she was searching for love and did not know it, could not find it, for she had no idea what love was. So, she had developed a working relationship that turned to friendship with a guy at her workplace. Eventually, he had invited her home for what she thought were computer lessons, but it turned out he had other ideas. The long and short of it, he had sexual relations with her. She was in such denial that when he asked her if she should use protection she said no. In her mind, using protection meant she was doing what she knew she should not. You see at that point, Holly was a baptised Christian, but she was not walking in the way of Christ in getting involved with the young man. Not that she wanted to; she had no intention of doing so, but again she had feared to say no, when he began soliciting, and so she had given in.

The reality was, she did like him and was really physically attracted to him. In fact, even to this day, she would have rather been married to him. But, getting into a sexual relationship ruined any prospect for such. Holly, truly wanted to serve God faithfully; she truly wanted to love God and obey him, so the guilt of what she had done had driven her away from him. She did not want to see him or speak to him because she was embarrassed and guilt ridden.

Eventually, she had moved onto another job where again she was used – again it was a forced event, she did not want to but was too weak to give a strong no. Having gone through the same incident again left Holly devastated. Again she had disappointed God, who she so wanted to please. She had committed the sin of fornication. The guilt and pain were terrible. She prayed and prayed and begged for forgiveness. Would God forgive her? She wondered over and over again. But with time, she felt he had and was determined to serve him right and not let anything of such happen to her again.

She considered the idea of rebaptism, but luckily for her, she eventually changed from a Sunday worshipper to a Sabbath worshipper, so in time she would have to be re-baptised – that helped to alleviate any embarrassment re-baptism would have caused.

But it was not all doom and gloom, after these experiences, and before she became a 7th Day Adventist, she had met a young man, who was a Christian, who was interested in what she liked, who was a gentleman. Holly really liked him and believed he liked her, for they worked so well together; they were definitely in sync. So, for once in her life, Holly had summoned up the courage to tell him how she felt. He was very gracious in his response, but unfortunately, he was already in a serious relationship. It was a devastating blow. She was embarrassed, especially since she still had to interact with him for a few months after. Eventually, though she did accept it and her feelings for him petered out.

Sometime after this, she met another young man who again she was really emotionally and physically attracted to. He was single with a young son and was interested in what she liked. It was sometime during this time that she was re-baptised into the 7th Day Adventist Church. So, she knew that despite her attraction to and feelings for this young man, it would not work out. First, he was not a Christian. Next, he drank alcohol and he partied. This is why she settled for Frank, he was in the same church, and as far as she could see the only available option in the church. And she had to consider her ticking years. So, that is how and why it all started with Frank. She was a messed up young lady, desperate for love, but not knowing what love meant and further not knowing that she deserved the best. Not knowing that God had meant her to have the best.

So, here she was with a young child she loved desperately and a husband she utterly did not love, hoping to go to heaven when Jesus returned the second time but knowing that could not happen if she did not love her husband.

What was she to do?

We may not know.

But I will tell you what she did.

Holly prayed fervently and she asked God to help her to love her husband. This was a constant prayer every time she felt bitterness and hatred towards him. This was what she thought was her greatest want. For she knew, despite going to church, being active in church, and getting good reviews from everyone, if she did not have love, she would never see her Lord’s face. The Word of God was plain, “Love one another as I have loved you.” That was an instruction and a command from God that needed to be obeyed. She knew sin was the transgression of the law and that “the wages of sin is death.” She knew that if she did not love her husband, she had no part in God. God had said, “If you say you love me and keepeth not my commandment, you are a liar and the truth is not in you”.

She prayed daily for this love to spring up in her heart for her husband. But everyday it seemed she would fail to do what she wanted to do. She read many books from Ellen White that told her the way to get rid of her selfishness – for she deduced that she was indeed very selfish, even more so than her husband – was to do unselfish deeds. So, she would try her very best to do things for her husband; she would try her very best not to say any words that irritated or put him down; she would do her best not to blame him for anything; she would do her best not to compare him to other men; she would do her best to prepare the food he loved. But, despite doing all these unselfish deeds, not one kindle of light was lighted in her heart for him; she still did not feel any love for him. Her heart seemed immalleable, hard as flint. The reality was, she was most happy when he was not at home, which was very often. She was happiest when he went out of state on a job. Then she and her son would have the perfect family. But his trips did not solve her problem; there seemed to be no end to her predicament, to her hardened heart; who could soften it, who could kindle the fire for her husband within?

And then there was the biggest problem for Holly in her quest to walk perfectly before God. Because she was not attracted to her husband, and because she had fantasized so often about her perfect husband, and because she had watched that series with that “perfect mate” who was the perfect partner, she had a huge problem. Her problem was adultery. No, she did not commit physical adultery, she would never do that. But she did commit adultery in her heart every time she was intimate with Frank. She would see “him” and not Frank.

This situation was a huge burden, guilt ate holes in her heart every time, and so she feared the times for intimacy. For she knew, during that time, she would most likely do what she did not want to do, but it seemed powerless to stop; she would commit adultery in her heart.

This was when she prayed more and more, “Father, please forgive me for my sins. Please help me to love my husband. Please take away the adulterous thoughts from my mind. Please save me, for I cannot save myself. Please Lord, do not let me be lost.”

It was a vicious cycle: she would pray, she would feel forgiven and relieved until the next time it happened. And the cycle just kept on repeating itself.

Many times, Satan, that enemy tempted her with the thought, “Why don’t you just give in; you know you’ll never overcome this sin.”

And for a moment she would start to believe him, but then she would remember Paul’s words, “Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world.”

She knew God was greater than Satan and could help her so, “Why don’t you take this filthy sin from me Lord? Why don’t you help me to love my husband,” she would ask the Lord many times, crying tears.

Still there seemed to be no answer. But Holly was determined not to give up. The more she read the scriptures, the more she listened to present truth sermons, the more encouraged she became. So, she started to read more and more about Jesus. She began to understand him more and more. Her favourite book to read was ‘Desire of Ages’ by Ellen G. White. This book gave the account of Jesus’ life in detail from when he was a child until his resurrection and ascension to heaven. The more she read, the more attracted she became to his purity, his meekness, his beauty, his love, his tender pity, and his compassion.

Before, she had always been more interested in learning about Satan, for some reason, his story had seemed interesting and attractive. It was something she would fail to admit to herself, but it was true. But now, she found herself being attracted to the person of Jesus. His purity made her desire to be pure. His meekness in the face of abuse made her want to be meek and endure hardship. His loving service to others made her want to serve others.

Then she started noticing little differences in herself. She was no longer so miserable as before; she did not complain or murmur as much. She was learning how to better keep quiet; she was learning how not to judge others; she was learning not to jump to conclusions; she was learning not to gossip. She began to find it easier to resist certain temptations that had easily trapped her in the past.

She still did not love her husband, but she had become less complaining, learning to endure her lot without murmuring. For she had learned that God hates it when we murmur, for it showed a lack of faith and trust in him that he would always make a way for us. She was learning to show care; she had even hugged him once or twice. She was showing more patience in dealing with her son, and finally she was talking to God much more.

This was the thing she found that mostly helped: secret time with God in prayer in addition to the time spent reading about Jesus’ life. At first it was very hard to pray, for she did not know what to say to God or even if he was listening. She did not know he listened because she knew deep down that she was still practicing sin in not loving Frank and there was still the issue of heart adultery.

But then God did something miraculous for Holly. He answered three of her prayers in one week. One week! It was amazing. Now she knew that her father was still listening despite her many sins, despite her many broken promises to him, despite her own feelings of unworthiness. The Lord still loved her and answered her prayers. He had not given up on her; he was still working one her. She determined to continue doing what she had been doing: praying and studying the life of Jesus.

And the more she did, the less of Frank's faults she saw, the less upset she became with his faults, the less likely she was to condemn him for his mistakes, instead, a few times, she found herself praying, “Father, help me not to fall into the same sin.” She was even more tolerant with the faults of others. She had come to recognise that like her, other people were struggling, they all had not reached the perfection that Christ desired them to reach, to be “perfect even as your father in heaven is perfect.” So, most times when she saw sin in others, she would ask the Lord to take that sin from her.

So, yes, there were positives and Holly was really excited about her progress. She was really starting to know Jesus, to know the Father, to show more compassion to her husband, to be less judgemental of others, and to depend totally on God and none at all on herself.

The total dependence on God, she had come to recognise as she studied, was an essential. Holly had come to see that it was her dependence on self that had led her to most of the difficulties in her life. Though she had been baptised for over 8 years, she had not had any relationship with Jesus. She did not realise that without him, she can do nothing good. Now, she knew that every good thing in her came from Jesus. Now she knew that he was the one who could help her to love her husband, to overcome heart adultery, to become kind, and tender hearted, to be meek and lowly, to become a servant. All along she had been trying to do it in her own strength and had failed. Now she knew that no matter how small the matter seemed, she needed to ask the Lord to help her to do it. She needed to ask him to help her to pray, to help her to change, to help her to study, to put the desire in her to want to know him, to help her to seek for him as for hid treasure. Jesus was the one who had to do it for her. Her job was to do the only part she could – pray, study, and pray some more.

With this new way of doing things, things were going well for Holly for a few months ... until one fateful night.

She and her husband had not been intimate in a while and then he asked. Knowing her weakness, Holly prayed earnestly, “Father, please help me to keep my mind on you; help me not to think about another man.” Then came the devastating blow, it happened again!

Holly was crushed. All the progress she had made was now lost. Why hadn’t God helped her as she had prayed. Hadn’t he promised that he would answer if she called onto him. The tears rolled down slowly, yet easily from her eyes that night. She had let down her Lord again. She tried to pray, but at first, she couldn’t; she felt like a hypocrite. Then she remembered that Jesus was in the Most Holy Place judging the living, making the decision for everlasting life or damnation; now a grave fear gripped her, “What if my probation has closed?” she cried, “Oh Lord, please don’t close my probation. Please give me another chance, she cried.” It seemed there was no way out of her depressed mental state. The enemy was pressing the guilt deeper and deeper until the Holy Spirit brought the perfect scripture passage to mind, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all iniquity.”

“Praise God!” Holly shouted, though not out loud for anyone to hear. She knew her probation had not closed because the Holy Spirit was still speaking to her mind. How did she know? She knew that no thought is of any independent nature. It either comes from God or from Satan, and she knew that Satan would never provide her with an encouraging scripture.

At least she knew God had not abandoned her. But there was still the issue of why God had not answered her prayer and why she had fallen back into the same sin. Her mind was then brought back to the incident in Gethsemane when Jesus told the disciples to watch and pray as he prayed, but they had fallen asleep. It was hours after that the rulers and soldiers had taken Jesus. It was hours later that Peter had denied Jesus three times, the last with swearing and cursing; he had failed to watch and pray as Jesus had instructed. While Jesus prayed, he and the other disciples had slept. Thus, they did not get the strength they needed to resist the enemy.

The same, Holly realised, had happened to her. The previous night had been an all night prayer and fasting which she had promised herself to attend. But she had spent that night working and had not spent not even a single hour participating in the fast. Now she realised that it was that fast and prayer that would have strengthened her to withstand the temptation that would assail her the very next night. In fact, days leading up to the prayer and fast, she had been away from home, and in that strange environment, she did not do she usual morning prayer meeting with the Father nor her bible studies, so she was spiritually weak, thus she had no power to fight the tempter when he came.

Looking back and contemplating these issues months later, Holly recognised that she had learned a valuable lesson. God had not directly answered her prayer to help her to love her husband. Instead, he had given her the answer to even better prayers.

He had taught her the secret of overcoming every sin.

He had taught her the secret of developing a relationship with Jesus

He had taught her the secret of living a life in complete obedience to God’s ten commandment law.

He had taught her through all the horrid trials that she had been going through in her life, that nothing will ever change until she stopped trying to be good by herself, recognise that she cannot do so, and that the only way she can do that is by asking Jesus to do it for her.

He had taught her that before she could give love to anyone, she had to first love her creator, and to love him meant to know him. Holly had now learned that the secret to that knowledge is prayer, study, and more prayer.

He had shown her how selfish she had been, how her selfishness was the root of her unhappiness. This he did by demonstrating in the life of Christ perfect joy and contentment in giving of himself to serve everyone else. So, she had been taught how to die to self that Jesus can live within, and then his perfect love would shine through her.

Holly had prayed that God would help her love her husband. But the all-wise God had given her the answer to the prayer she really needed. He had taught Holly and was still teaching Holly how to know him and love him. For in knowing and loving God lies the secret basis for the answer to all other prayers.

What Holy came to recognise is that when she knows God and loves him, she will obey him; that means she will love others as he has loved her. That means she will become a servant as Jesus was a servant. That means she will esteem each other higher than herself. That means she will surrender all her sins to him and allow him to put her through whatever he desires in the process of overcoming. That means she will recognise the truth that “all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.” That means she will come to understand that God allows her circumstances to show her weaknesses and then to use those same circumstances to purge and purify her, to make her into gold, tried and purified in the fire.

Today, Holly has more love for Frank than she did when we first met her at the beginning of this story. There is no more bitter hatred. There is no more secret heart’s desire that he would die, rather there is the desire for her love to increase so that she can pray for his conversion. That he, like her, might recognise that to know and obey God means an entire transformation of life. It means we recognise that we are his representatives on earth. It means we recognise that God does everything perfectly, and if we love and are to reveal his perfect character to others that they might be drawn to him, then we need to be perfect in all things.

Holly’s prayer everyday is for herself that her love for Jesus might grow deeper and stronger and correspondingly so might her love for Frank. She desires only to serve God, to help others to understand that no child, nor husband, nor money, nor fame can fill the void in the heart; only Jesus can.

She wants everyone who has ever sincerely prayed a prayer that they believe God has not answered to understand that he has answered. It may not be the way they wanted him to, but he always gives the perfect and best answer.

Holly's message to us all, having gone through her experience is simple: of all the prayers we can pray, the one that we all need to pray is for God to reveal himself to us, that we may know, love, obey, and trust him. It is that prayer and only that prayer will make all the others worthwhile. For what is the point of God giving us a wife/husband, children, house, car, money, good health if we don’t know and obey him. When we think of it all those things that we would have prayed for are transitory. In the end, even if we would have gotten all of them, if we don’t know God, it would have all been in vain. Knowing Jesus is the prayer we must all pray; when that prayer is answered we will truly know how to be a blessing to the husband/wife/child and how to use that house, money, car, or good health to bless someone else and make their lives a lot better. For in the end that's what we are here for: to help each other, to serve each other with the blessings that Jesus has blessed us with.

Holly also came to realise that in first answering her unspoken, unasked for prayer, God was giving her a special gift -- the mind of Christ and once she had that, all her prayers would be answered because they would essentially be the prayers of Jesus. She had prayed one prayer; Jesus had answered another, now he through the answered prayer was still answering all other prayers.

What a mighty, unpredictable God we serve!