Substance abuse has destroyed so many lives throughout human history. As a writer, I wonder what work a few of my idols would have produced had they not died due to their substance abuse.

Keats, Poe, and Aldous Huxley are just a few. The list goes on if you do a simple Google search.

So, it’s not just an affliction of the common man, the poor, and the deprived. Substance abuse is one thing that doesn’t discriminate based on your gender, race, caste, your finances.

That leads us to healing. Many are lucky to heal from the brutality of substance abuse, but we still have fatalities from addictive substances, like the recent death of beloved actor Matthew Perry; even though it was an accidental overdose.

So, why don’t we heal? Why, even though surrounded by loved ones, are we lured by the beckonings of these substances that we know will eventually kill us?

From my struggles with alcohol in the past, I have realized that most of us abusers, indulge in these substances to lessen the pain.

No, not physical pain. But a pain that tortures our soul constantly and keeps us feeling empty. It’s this void, this emptiness that many of us try to fill with substances.

Next time when you see someone deep in substance abuse, ask him what pain he is hiding from.

In my many unsuccessful attempts to quit alcohol, I noticed that there was a terrible shame and guilt that kept me from accepting a part of me. I tried to separate the two entities from each other, the drunk me, and the sober me. I thought that the drunk me had problems. Problems that the sober me shouldn't have.

I was a star student in my little town. I was good at all the subjects that you are expected to be good at. I studied hard. I also read a lot of books for a kid my age. So, naturally, people expected great things from me. Everything looked great for that kid on the surface.

But inwards there was a different battle going on. My parents wanted me to become an engineer, but within me, an intense love for literature started growing. There was also too much pressure to perform and I was tired. I am telling this from the vantage point that I now stand. I didn’t know it back then. I thought something was wrong with me, and that I was an imposter who just got lucky.

So, when I got to college and tasted the much-awaited freedom, I got sidetracked. I wrote poetry, chased girls, and drank a whole lot of alcohol. As I said, I never failed in my studies back in school, so when I tasted my first low grades in college, I turned even further away from life. I escaped more and more at parties and other trivial things, all the while maintaining a facade of the drunk artist amongst my friends.

I struggled a lot after that. I couldn’t even get my head straight as to what it was that I was chasing in life. However, life keeps happening whether you like it or not.

I finally quit drinking in 2023. There was a lot of therapy involved and, a few days of intense crying. But eventually, things started to be okay. However, for a long time, I couldn’t forgive myself for what I did to myself. For ruining the dream of my parents, for ruining a promising career.

It was this line of thinking that kept me from being sober earlier. No, let me rephrase that. It was this mentality that kept me from accepting a better life. I did a lot of work in the past couple of years and am in a much better place. I have accepted things with grace and a love for myself that’s quite intense.

I was broken; I had done some bad things. I have broken promises, I have failed at so many aspects of life; the sober me felt that I shouldn’t accept that part of me. Little did I know that the acceptance of those broken pieces is the way to long-term healing.

That is where many of us fail to stay healed. We need acceptance by ourselves before we can hope other people to accept us. When I started to accept the parts of me that were broken, amazing things happened. I realized that it was me, I recognized that it was my pain that I was fighting with. It was not some shadow self that I needed to reject. So, I accepted.

I am talking from a point in life where I do not drink anymore. And I know now that I will never drink because I am someone who accepts everything with full intensity. I can have a drink now and let it go at that, but I don’t need that drink to be comfortable anymore. Because I have accepted myself as all that I am.

Substance abuse is a complex subject, and I am not an expert in providing advice. But I would want people to treat us as normal. Don’t pity someone telling you a tale of his broken self. Yes, he might have made some decisions in life that led him here, but that doesn’t define his entire being.

Next time when you see someone deep in substance abuse, ask him what pain he is hiding from. Maybe he will tell you, and when he does, listen with care and a little compassion. Trust me, he will be happy.

This article was originally published on Medium.