Valedictorian Speech

It’s been rather easy for me to consider this the moment wherein I tell all of you that I’ve learned the secret to being limitless. And then I could proceed to address my class, explaining that this is the time to embrace that limitlessness and fly toward our dreams. But as encouraging as that is, I can’t say it… because we weren’t limitless yesterday, we aren’t today, and we won’t be tomorrow. It’s natural to think that graduating, college, getting married, moving, having children, a minor change in your daily schedule—any change really—its easy to think that with change comes the moment where you can be limitless because you have the freedom to decide to satisfy your desires. And I’ll admit, this has been my worst enemy for my entire life. It didn’t matter where I was or how many people told me they were proud of my hard work, nothing was ever enough. The feeling of dissatisfaction is one that accompanies me regularly. And I’m sure it’s a familiar feeling for some of you as well, whether you want to admit it or not. For me, it manifests in my selfishness. If I experience injustice or if I have to do something that I don’t want to, I become frustrated with my finitude. I see this selfishness in myself and maybe you can see it in yourself too, but for some reason, I have been too in love with my sin because it makes me feel limitless because when I choose to be selfish, I can do whatever I want. When I am selfish, I am limitless because I can do whatever I want for myself. The same goes for you. For that, I am a coward because I knew that I lived to satisfy myself by taking control, but did nothing to change it.

And that is why today, I have chosen to read to you a list I complied of things I cannot do, because from Redeemer, I have learned, that I am not limitless after all: I can’t drive a car very well. I can’t give a speech without crying. I can’t divide fractions. I can’t dribble a basketball as well as Kennedy Bowlin.I can’t thank two sophomores, Addy and Olisa, enough for befriending me because I don’t think they know how precious they are to me, and they’ll cry like babies if I tell them. I can’t bring myself to delete all my recorded lectures from Mr. Dale because they hold the moments where I felt the least alone as I was surrounded by other lost kids and an understanding teacher who spoke with has much wisdom as he did passion. I can’t tell Mr. Ayton that his jokes are lame because I know I’m gonna miss them when I’m in college waiting for someone to deliver the punchline, but it never comes. I can’t help myself from making a weird comment every time I talk to Nadeau because I know that the moment I am serious, I’ll expose just how much I appreciate him and his guidance. I can’t find words express my gratitude for Mr. Sligh from when he unwillingly became entangled in a mess I created and decided to love me anyways. I can’t describe the intensity of the shame I carried after a mistake I made earlier this year, but somehow my parents didn’t abandon me. I can’t understand why Danny has continuously cared for and ran after me even as I pushed him away. I can’t help but regret not spending more time with Angelica and Jocelyn because it took me too long to realize how incredible they are. I can’t apologize to the entire Redeemer community for blaming everyone for not being what I thought I wanted because I don’t think any apology could ever be enough to tell you how sorry I am. And I can’t leave here tonight without expressing how much I have come to love you, and how I believe that God has used each one of you to change my heart.

Obviously, those were some more sentimental things that I cannot do, but the reality of my limits and your limits is much greater. Redeemer is the very place I needed to be to start realizing that nothing I ever do will satisfy my desire to be limitless. God knew that I needed to recognize my own limits in order to begin the process of handing all that I am to him. It’s not over, it might be a life long battle for me or for you. And we will all fail every single day, but we can’t let that drive us crazy. Depravity saturates our souls and nourishes our fallen world, but what I didn’t realize and what I hope you do, is that we aren’t supposed to be the ones save ourselves because God is the only one who can. Now that I’m making an effort and realizing that nothing will ever be the exact way I want it to, I feel the most freedom I’ve ever felt. In letting go of my need to be perfectly in control and accepting of my limits, I feel more limitless than ever before. Inevitably, you’re going to leave Redeemer with some form of your own heartbreak and sorrow, but you’re also going to leave knowing your limits and knowing of the one who is limitless. And if you don’t, then I’d be happy to lend you my lecture recordings from Mr. Dale because that’s just one of the countless ways Redeemer has taught me this.

There was a moment last year, during Theology class that I felt the limitlessness of God engraved in the bones of Redeemer, and I didn’t even realize it until recent reflection. My dear friend Sean Gulling has something called JIA which, simply put, causes him a lot of pain and has inhibited him from running for years. He had been quite vulnerable and brave with our class regarding this sensitive aspect of his life. It was a day we were supposed to be getting work done, but Sean had come back from some sort of appointment wherein his doctors finally cleared him to run. I don’t know exactly what he was feeling, but being able to run when you want is such an underrated experience. He had a limit. I will never forget the moment when Mr. Sligh stopped the class and every single person got up and we just ran. We ran through the hallways with Sean for the first time in what I’d assume felt like forever for him. Here, a boy who was hurting was able to be relived of his pain and celebrate it with his classmates. There were tears in my eyes as I watched all of us run with courage, smile with joy, and laugh with an unspoken understanding of just how beautiful and beyond us this moment was. It was one of those moments where it felt like anything could happen; we were limitless and it was all because of God. It was an example of the healing and community that only he can bring. And he brought it that day.

I’m still navigating this all, and I don’t like when I don’t know everything. But this time, I think it’s ok because I’m actively building a relationship with someone who does. And I have that very same savior to thank for providing me with a school and with people who were the heartbeat that kept me alive when my hope was dead. And I did nothing to deserve it. That’s the choice God made for me—to love me despite my struggle against him to be limitless. It’s the choice Rashawn made for me, the choice Mr. Kubin made for me, the choice my mom and dad made for me, the choice David Gulling made for me. The choice to love. And it’s the choice that I implore you all to make as you continue your endeavors in life. Embrace your limits and make an effort to love others in the way the one who is limitless loves us while understanding that our sin is the very thing that binds us to one another. I hope that you can go home tonight with the peaceful acknowledgment that you can’t do a lot of things. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give your best effort and just live a life of carless complacency. No one deserves to be forgiven, but God forgave us. So the least we can do is try to live a life that glorifies him by reflecting his mercy. It is never going to be easy because we have limits. You can’t save anyone, you can’t save yourself, but you can dedicate yourself and your life to knowing, loving, and living for the only one who can.

What a treasure Redeemer is. One so rare that I’m still in awe I’ve found it. And, it’s been more than a pleasure to be a student here. To all of you, I have cherished our time and I have nothing but gratitude to give to you now. I don’t know how to say thank you in a way that will stick in your head because I care about you guys a very strange amount. I know that I’ll look back with a knowing smile and an inexplainable fondness as I remember the beautiful place with the most spectacular people who showed me my limits and guided me home. My family, I love you. My class, I love you. Teachers, faculty and staff, I love you. God,I love you. Today I chose to love and it wasn’t a very hard choice because I love Redeemer. But as we all encounter more difficult choices where our limits come head-to-head with our selfish desires, I hope we can all remember to love even when no one deserves it because it just might save someone’s life just like your love for me saved mine. Your wings are broken, and mine are too, but once we accept that and turn to Christ, we won’t just fly, we will soar. Thank you.