Kindergarten Application Writing Enhancement
Daniel Alexander
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Posted Jul 24, 2025
Revised non-native clients' writing for a kindergarten application.
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Oct 5, 2022 - Oct 6, 2022
The world is full of locks and doors and locked doors. Some are expected: bank vaults, car doors, and hotel room safes. But some are surprising. And in the course of my freelance journey, I came up against a surprise gate. I was standing toe to toe with a prestigious kindergarten.
My clients were not native speakers. They had a passion for their child's education, but they wanted the expression of that passion to be more fluid and consequently more impactful. Below, I have a sample of a section by section look at their writing and my revision. (My work is bolded.) To begin, I have included the underlined prompt.
We are excited to get to know your family through the admissions process. Please use this space to describe something you are most proud of about your daughter.
We are proud of A______ for many reasons. What makes us incredibly proud is how she approaches life and perceives her surroundings.
We are incredibly proud of (and humbled by) her joy and how it shapes her life.
Most of all, she has a permanently sunny outlook and approaches life with a “joie de vie” that is truly infectious.This gives her a special place in everyone’s hearts, whether they’re right next to her or speaking with her from other countries, like many of our family members.
Her sunny outlook endears her to all who know her, prompting them to hold a special place in their heart for A______. It does not matter whether they are standing next to her or are situated across the globe, as many of our family members are. (perhaps reference the country?)
She is especially curious and seeks opportunities to learn about new things. She does not take anything for granted and listens gracefully.
A______ is continually curious and loves opportunities to learn about the world around her. She does not take anything for granted, but instead listens out of appreciation for those who would share their words with her.
We are often in awe of how she is so empathetic and in tune with others’ feelings. She is independent, but, at the same time, she has no problem socializing with and respecting everyone. However, she has no issue sharing her point of view and standing up for herself. She also stands up for her friends while also being the equalizer and peacemaker. She doesn’t let others sway her opinions. As parents, we support her thoughts and try to guide her as best as we can. We want her to stay sure of who she is, what she believes, and what she values.
A______’s joy is often attuned to the people in her life. That gives her an inspiring gift of empathy. She uses that connection to others’ feelings to make peace in situations with her friends. She also stands up both for those friends and herself in a way that showcases her independence and confidence. As we support and guide A______, we encourage her sense of self, growing beliefs, and enduring values.
The client responded: "Excellent communication - pleasant to work with and delivered excellent work on time and beyond our expectations."
New tasks, new adventures, new learning. I am set and ready for you.