From a lost day in the woods

The gold, glitter, string of colors and the lightest layer where we live today suffocates me.

Wood with a road and light coming through

The world of being no one crucifies all my possibilities. There was a time when being a nobody meant something. In my personal experience it could mean an introverted teenage girl who suffers from significant self esteem issues but has a long way to go and also has at least one thing that truly motivates her to wake up everyday and breathe.

Now, it is just a pile of lightweight hats, hats which are of no use when the sun is strong, or when it is windy, the uselessness of a thing so severe that it cannot be given to a friend as a gesture or to a stranger as a give away. Even the beggar on the highway will reject it.

The hats we wear today when we tell people about what we eat and what we feel and what we did or going to do or about the new and shiny clothes and new and shiny life that we share with the world; that is where I feel the airlessness the most.

After putting up happy pictures when I am talking to myself about the day's events or trying to have a conversation with myself because the happy smile that we see is not the happy smile we feel. There is no happiness, at least not in real life, happiness is there in edited photographs with borrowed music. There is no real, nothing human of any sort. Only critique or fandom. Only concrete walls are present, not a drop of emotion. Leakages are not allowed anywhere. A day without any emotional leakages. A dry day. Or a dead day.

—---- From a lost day in the woods

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