If I Am My Own HR, Will I Hire Myself?

I think about it every time. How I assembled my faith and built a wall of courage. How we enjoyed each other’s company. How we exchanged words and rocky road experiences. But I am thankful that you let me go despite the fact that I badly want you to want me to stay. Because of that simple rejection, I learned to put myself in your shoes.

“You got this!”. My family and friends told me so I had no choice but to believe. I walked through the door slowly but surely as if I was entering my conquered kingdom. But the people in the corridor were practicing their lines and they gave me nothing but pressure. I stared at the ceiling and mumbled, “You deserve this!”. I drank all the little amount of confidence I gathered before opening the door. A ball of light flashed before my eyes and as it faded, I saw your beautiful face.

You gave me a welcoming smile and I felt at home in your passionate greeting. You stood up and gave me a place to sit. How thoughtful of you. It made me think that I want to work with you. You started with “Good Morning” and it turned out well. Or so I thought. The conversation lasted for about 15 minutes. I answered the cliché questions cheerfully and full of energy. I was sure I did what I could, what I must, and what I should.

“Thank you very much for your time. We will call you back”. You did not erase your smile. We both stood up, we shook hands and then we bid each other goodbye. I walked down the stairs sandwiched in a pickle. I hope I made it. Still, I murmured to myself.

Weeks passed and the longer I waited, the more I assumed you were like a distant star. Unreachable. However, I still wondered if you would ever call me. But to my dismay, you did not. It’s okay. I’ll get over it. I’ll get over you. But what had gone wrong? Was it because of my unsatisfactory responses? Was it because of what I wore that day? I knew it! I should have worn that textured pencil skirt Mom gave me the night before my interview. Or was it because of my attitude?

Whatever the reason was, it had already been done. I took a sip of an Iced Double Tall Vanilla Soy Latte I ordered in Starbucks near Makati but wished I had chosen Iced White Mocha Americano. It’s funny to think that even when it comes to espresso drinks, I could not find the right answer.

Suddenly those words inside my head echoed and made me realize that I have to live my life not to please expectations for social pressure will conquer me if I do not conquer it. I need to put myself in the position of HR. I should prove myself to bring out the very best of me. That my strength is limitless, my knowledge is infinite, my creativity is immeasurable and my innovativeness is boundless.

Am I qualified for this job? How will I create a positive working environment? Can I get along with people? What do I know about this job? Or Will I be happy with this job? I now know the answers to all my never-ending questions and hesitations.

The sun was bright as if it denoted new hope. I walked happily outside the café asking myself, “If I am my HR, will I Hire myself?”.

Only a fool would say, “No”.