6 Tips to Conquer Feeling Incapable

Have you ever felt paralyzed by all the things you believe you lack?

“I’m not ready.”

“I’m not strong enough.”

“I can’t do this.”

You feel trapped in a prison you should have the keys to.

And most of the time, you don’t even want to achieve anything particularly grand, just the ordinary things ordinary people do every day. Finish school on time. Meet a deadline. Show up to an interview. Make that phone call.

But the mind has a way of tricking us into believing the worst and lowest of ourselves. And what the mind believes, our actions follow.

But therein lies the solution as well. Because our minds can be changed.

With consistency and persistence, we can retrain our thoughts and gain the hope and courage needed to match our intentions with our actions.

Below are some tips that can help with just that.

Perhaps the most challenging part of battling low self-esteem is the seemingly invisible nature of the enemy. How can you hope to win against feelings of inadequacy and incompetence when they come from nowhere and everywhere at once?

The answer is to get to know your opponents, to assess when and how they occur. By becoming intimately familiar with the bad and allowing it to take shape in front of you, you gain the power to hit a visible target.

When negative emotions and thoughts arise, note the triggers and observe how they make you feel and what further thoughts result from them.

By recognizing the forms your insecurities take and acknowledging their existence, you can pinpoint which parts of yourself are vulnerable and give them the extra love and understanding they need.

When your self-esteem is suffering, it’s near impossible to imagine a version of yourself who could succeed, who could have the tools needed to push through.

But that version is always a possibility inside you. You may need to wrestle with it and drag it toward the light, but once it’s front and center, there’s no denying its presence.

So take stock of your skills and strengths, improve where you can, and learn some new competencies. This process will not only enhance your abilities but also boost your confidence.

Make a list of the common compliments you receive, or what you find or used to find easy and enjoyable.

Start a journal about the things you’re grateful for, what you like, or what you’ve learned and are continuing to learn.

And if you’re having trouble building your arsenal of assets and seeing yourself in a positive light, ask the people in your life to give you a more realistic picture of yourself.

One of the trickiest parts of having low self-esteem is deciding what to do next. What can you do next? How does one choose a battle to join when you feel you’re without any kind of weapon?

It’s especially tough because a lack of self-esteem is usually accompanied by depression, and when you’re depressed, chances are nothing sparks joy or pleasure.

So how do you choose to move forward? What direction do you take?

In the beginning, when you’re at your lowest, it’s not so much where you go; it’s more that you just go, just move, just choose. The more you act, the better you’ll feel, or at the very least, the more you’ll realize what you really want to do.

Remember, you can change your mind at any point, so don’t be paralyzed by the choice.

Much of our distress and resulting paralysis is caused by pursuing impossible standards—standards that, more often than not, aren’t even relevant to us and what we want in life. Social media has made this even more prevalent, giving us access to everyone's highlight reel.

But you don’t have to be like everybody else. You don’t need to want what they want. And you aren’t required to have all that they have. Recognizing this truth significantly lessens the pressure you put on yourself, bringing much-needed relief.

Give yourself the time to assess which goals you truly want to accomplish and the grace to work toward them in a realistic manner and timeframe. It’s not a question of “Are you capable?” but of “What can you do at this moment?”

Building your self-esteem is not only about learning to move forward despite all your insecurities. It’s also about ensuring you’re giving yourself all you need to make the journey—because you can only run on fumes for so long. And self-care is at the heart of this.

It’s essential to take care of your mind and body, to invest in a Self that can better manage all the things life throws in the way. The process becomes much easier when you’re not constantly breaking down in the middle of it because you neglected to respect your limits.

You could start by practicing self-compassion, accepting and allowing yourself to be imperfect. And when the ugly, unkind thoughts and emotions come, learn how to challenge and ground them in reality. Counter them with positive self-talk, and reinforce yourself with the compliments you receive.

Shame and guilt often go hand-in-hand with a lack of self-belief, and the idea of anyone knowing the “real you” can be unbearable.

But despite what your deepest insecurities tell you, it’s okay to open up to others. It’s okay to show them your softest parts. Because sometimes, you get people who treat you with the consideration you need, and often, that makes all the difference.

Your loved ones or support group can cheer you on when you can barely muster a half-hearted exclamation. They can help you get your facts straight when you can’t see past the fog of your biases and cognitive distortions.

When you surround yourself with people who care about you, you create an environment that grounds and strengthens you.

As we reach the end, give yourself a moment to pause and feel good about yourself because you actively sought out answers and successfully read through them. A job well done, truly.

Consider this your first step towards a more confident and self-assured you.

And if you’re starting to feel a bit of panic again, that’s okay. Feel it and remember the most difficult part is over. You’ve already begun. From this point on, you’re no longer at Station 0.

You cared about yourself enough to make time for this post and consider its points. You were brave enough to recognize a problem.

And you have it in you to be brave again.

Just imagine feeling excitement rather than dread when tackling a project because you know you’ve inched your way to competency.

Imagine taking those negative comments and blows in stride, secure in your capabilities.

Imagine being able to suit up and show up for the ones you love because you no longer feel debilitating shame.

It starts here. You’ve started here. Now go and take those next steps.