MARRIAGE.OS is a fictional OS that treats a relationship the way software treats a system. It has a boot sequence, a live dashboard (trust level, comms uptime, a resentment queue, partner battery at 31%), a screen of the conditionals we actually run on (IF thermostat.touched_by(partner_a) THEN war()), an error log of every fight we've ever had (all resolved, eventually), and a shutdown screen that dims the lights and says goodnight.