The Writings of a Young Girl Who Knows Naught

JULIANA:  January 30. Dear Diary, today is my fifth day of living here as an exchange student in London. I know that in due time, I will grow to love this city— but for now, I feel terribly homesick and alone. London is dark, it’s cold. Being independent is so difficult, navigating even little excursions such as getting coffee has had a whole array of challenges. I thought Rowan would’ve called by now… he promised he’d call. I get time zones and all but… he pinky promised.

JULIANA:  February 8. Dear Diary, recently, I have been busy— I’ve officially joined the theatre club! I am very excited, as I know this experience will surround me with people who have similar interests as me. I can’t wait for what’s to come! Rowan still hasn’t called… it’s been about two weeks since I left… I wonder if this is how he’s going to break up with me.

JULIANA:  February 16. Dear Diary, I am going on a trip to France with my newfound friend group soon! I am genuinely so happy, as travel was the reason I wanted to study in Europe to begin with. Every time I’ve called Rowan, I’ve been met with no response. Albeit being a chronic worrier, I do believe he is intentionally dodging my calls. Rebecca says he still shows up to class, so I know he didn’t off himself or get into a car crash or anything. He didn’t even ring me on Valentine’s Day.

JULIANA:  February 24. Dear Diary, I adore France and definitely have to return in a near future. Everything there is a work of art, including myself and my smiling little group of friends (especially Elowen).

JULIANA:  March 2. Dear Diary, I cannot believe that my study abroad is nearly halfway over. Living here has provided me with so many eye-opening experiences and I know that it’ll be heart wrenching to return to the states. I don’t want to lose the amazing people I’ve met here, nor the living conditions I’ve thrived in. That’s right, Diary, you’re looking at the master of navigating the train. I will miss public transit so much. Since being here, I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, and my skin is clearing up. Living in America does something bad to people… my study has felt like a breath of fresh air. The benefits provided by the British government are nice too.

JULIANA:  March 10. Dear Diary, Elowen and I are planning a trip to Lisbon to visit a tattoo artist that I admire. The tickets are costly, but I have to visit this aforementioned artist. The artist specializes in abstract pieces, and although London has many competent artists who would likely do a great job, I’m being particular about this specific tattoo. It’s going to be of a set of strawberries, and I want them to look mesmerizing.

JULIANA:  March 27. Dear Diary, Elowen and I’s trip to Portugal has ultimately finished, and all I can say is that we had an absolute blast. Somehow, we even ended up with matching tattoos: we both got skeletal fairies, and genuinely, I think they’re beautiful. There was another development last night as well— Rowan called me, and I didn’t even want to speak with him.

JULIANA:  MARCH 31. Dear Diary, Elowen is coming over to my dorm tonight to watch a movie. I have a question— is infidelity real if both sides are partaking?

JULIANA:  April 1. Dear Diary, last night was crazy. Elowen and I slept together, despite me never breaking up with Rowan, and I was proud of myself as I didn’t even slip up and chant his name. I’ve never told her about him… but I think need to soon.

JULIANA:  April 9. Dear Diary, I have officially broken up with Rowan. I told him via text and voicemail because he has no interest in speaking with me. I’m never going to tell Elowen about him or the things her and I did while I was technically still “with” him.

JULIANA:  April 14. Dear Diary, I would like to take this time to explain how lovely of an individual Elowen is— she has one of the warmest hearts that I have ever encountered. She meets the usual standards of course, she loves puppies, sunsets, long walks… but she loves other things too. She loves people, she loves magic, and she even loves communicating like a healthy adult unlike someone. Okay, maybe the call is coming from inside the house a bit, but I am trying. I haven’t known her long, but I believe that what we have is special.

JULIANA:  April 17. Dear Diary, I have begun looking towards the future of my schooling post-study abroad. I am scared, as I do not feel ready to leave Europe yet… I don’t know if I ever will be. Elowen and I are starting to put a big plan in place… we are planning on backpacking across Europe the last three weeks of my stay here. I do not want to leave her at all.

JULIANA:  May 3. Dear Diary, Elowen and I leave in a week for our large trip across the continent. I haven’t told my family really about our travels, as I know they wouldn’t accept us as a couple. They are still convinced that I am going to marry Rowan, despite being only 20 years old— a meager number in the grand scheme of life. But I’ve learned that so much can change so quickly during my time here, and I can say for certain, that I will remain distanced from my family until I return home, along with marrying a woman.

JULIANA:  May 11. Dear Diary, Elowen and I are currently staying in a hotel in Rome, Italy, as it is our first stop. Earlier today, we went as far as to share some noodles while in public. I was surprised that we didn’t get many weird stares.

JULIANA:  May 18. Dear Diary, today Elowen and I had a make out session in front of the Eiffel Tower. It was magical. We even asked a person if they would take pictures of us for our social medias… I am so grateful to be living this life.

JULIANA:  May 26. Dear Diary, today the two of us are in Amsterdam, nearing the end of our great European escapade. I have had the time of my life simultaneously studying and traveling here, I am not ready to leave. If only we could rent gondolas every day for the rest of our lives forever.

JULIANA:  June 2. Dear Diary, today has been the worst. Today was the day that I officially left my temporary home, the UK. To make matters worse, Rowan was with my family at the airport when I was picked up. I emotionally shut down, but I doubt anyone noticed. Besides, what they don’t know, doesn’t hurt them. Despite me and Elowen promising to stay in touch, I am nervous about our future together. Maybe our soul-deep connection really was just a fling. But at the end of the day, we still have matching tattoos and memories that will forever belong to us.