WHAT IS PARENTING ALL ABOUT
Parenting is not such a difficult subject as it is made out to be. It all depends upon how it is dealt with. Is it handled in such a delicate or tender way or dealt with firmly. Do we allow a free hand to our children or keep a watchful eye on them regularly, helping and correcting them at times? Moderation is the key to get the desired result.
Take for example the musical instrument guitar, if strings are loose, it won't produce a musical sound, similarly, if its strings are tightened exerting much pressure, it will break so, in order to get musical notes, both the things should be kept in mind and strings be adjusted clinically to get the musical sound.
Every child is unique and he/she should not be pressurized to do something against the wishes. In the west parents see the aptitude of their children and allow them to go ahead and this is the reason why they are so successful.
Someone like Jeff Bezos picked up nails and hammer in his formative years and was not snubbed and the result is before our eyes where he stands now, the second richest person in the world. If he had been discouraged and admonished for not doing the homework and instead messing up things with hammer and nails. He would not have built such a huge empire.
So understanding the aptitude of a child plays a key role in shaping up his/her career. So if someone is interested in literature he should not be forced to pursue his studies in science. These are the art and crafts of making people successful. But if we honestly figure out what success.
means then we should not desist from admitting that only material success is not a success that makes a person great.
Then comes a question as to what makes a person great? Success in both the world makes a person great and to teach the young mind to achieve success one has to be himself ready to learn always. Certain things are very much instrumental in making and ruining a child.
It has often been found that children whose parents have regular fights, would often have a disturbed personality. But it should be noted that these are not universal laws and produce results at variance. For example, the boy would resolve not to be like his father when he grows up or a girl may swear not to be like her mother-in-law when she would marry off her sons.
She would be giving love and care like a mother. so these conflicting results have also been seen. Children must be taught morals, values, manners etiquettes humility, care, and co-operation. These things can't be taught through lectures. These things are inculcated into children through their parents.
Researchers have found that 65% of value makings are learnt at home. Just loving one's child and providing luxury would not help him/her become successful. It's not an ideal parenting. Rather parenting is a process to facilitate one's child to face life challenges, making his/her identity and make his/her life successful in this world and the hereafter. The role of a parent grows more important when it comes to train his/her child.
As a parent, a father must show by his deeds the traits he wants to instill in his/her child. Sometimes some trivial things become more important and meaningful than we think, like if a father tells somebody over the mobile phone that right now he is not present at home whereas physically he is very much right there. This weakens a father's advice to his children not to tell lies.
A child when grows up, goes through the life histories of Buddha, Gandhi, Tagore and Socrates and it's not meant here to force a father to attain that level of greatness. But at least he should consistently show by his deeds the true morals and values that would automatically get instilled in his child.
The sentimental attachment of a parent and a child is a universal truth. It can't be refuted but at the same time out of these sentimental attachment we parents should not encourage any ills or wrongdoings. There should be no attempt to cover up even the tiniest, of the wrongdoings. like the old fable goes when the murder convict bit the earlobe of his mother in response to his last wish before facing the gallows blaming her why she did not punish then when he had stolen a pencil from school. Success does not mean only fame and glamour.
Most often parents want their children to become famous. God forbid, a child may go on to become a criminal. In that case it will be a tragic case of fame through infamy. Parents also must try to provide a conducive atmosphere and good ambience that would work as a safety valve to those unscrupulous hands lurking in the dark to spoil their characters.
It is also very important for parents to study the behavior of the child and work in tandem to get the best and desired result. In a nut shell just becoming a successful doctor, engineer, lawyer or entrepreneur doesn't grant you a license of successful person if there is a complete disregard to values and morals from the personality. They in-fact are not successful in truest sense.
By Ghayur Ahmed
