I can still hear her saying that ridiculous nick name “Zip” as she offered her pinky to be promised. I can smell her white diamond perfume and feel her happy soul looking at me with encouragement. Standing here, with my back pressed against the apartment door, I slowly slide down to my knees, tears streaming down my face, sobbing out loud like she could hear me “never the same… momma nothing will ever be the same”. I laid by the front door sobbing uncontrollably for hours. I must have passed out because I woke up with droll on my cheek and now, pitch black outside. I stood up and managed to walk to her bedroom. The amount of medicine bottles on her dresser is jaw dropping. What in the world is all of this? Dumbfounded, I stand there in shock. I am startled when I hear the front door open. My auntie Shelly catches me as I collapse into her arms. “She fought hard, zippy, she just couldn’t beat it.” She whispered in condolences. I pulled back from her embrace and stared into her eyes so confused by what she just said. Fought hard?? Couldn’t beat it?