by A.Z. Mohd
Mining the cave and carrying these stone and metal is all I can ever remember. This place is all I have ever been. It is where all of us have ever been, dozens and dozens of us. We don’t know what daylight looks like, except for a tiny hole above the huge wall-like gate on the upper cave that’s meant to keep us inside. Down here below is where we work alongside a track with huge metal carts running through the middle, deep into the cave and back out to be lifted upwards. We’ve never seen the gate up close. None of us has been to the upper floor, except for the ones who are discarded.
We’ve heard stories of the outside world. But inside this cave is all we’ve ever known. We don’t mind the heat inside the tunnel, deep inside the cave, the darkness, the dryness. Our bodies are used to it. Our bare feet are used to it. The burden we must endure every single day. But it doesn’t mean that we don’t break. Sometimes, it’s them who break us down. These metals are nothing compared to what they can do.
Every day, this is what we do. Hammering piece by piece of these precious stones off of the mountain’s belly. Filling our buckets and carrying it toward the cart were we all pile them together. Where mechanical carts take it to the upper floor where they disappear. We don’t know how, but each time the carts come back empty.
A guard watches over us. A dark-skinned man, with eyes dark and green and wars a dark brown jacket. Smoke softly oozing from one of his fingers. Cigar. We’ve learned that that’s what they call it. He was Tall, taller than the tallest of us. Bigger than the biggest of us. He is the king inside this tomb, the lord of the rocks, master of the cave. With his round and bright crown covering the top of his head. His words are law here. When he decides, we abide and we surrender. He is the judge high in his throne. For we cannot judge for ourselves.
Thud! Clack! Clatter! One worker stumbled to the ground. Pieces of metal scatter across the floor. Ekon’s arm cannot carry the weight anymore. Ekon needs to lighten his load if Ekon wants to finish the job. But Ekon cannot do that. Ekon must not!
“Ekon!” I called to him. “Stand right now! Pick it up, quickly!”
“I cannot my brother, I cannot carry this much anymore. My arms, they're not strong enough as they used to. I feel like they will fall off if I do.”
They have discarded everyone else. Ekon is the only one left. The only one--familiar.
“You have no choice! We have no choice. You must!” “But my arms, they won’t let me.”
“You have to, otherwise you will be—discarded.”
Discarded. A word we know all too well since the day we were born here.
As soon as Ekon hears the word, Ekon’s eyes widen. Immediately Ekon picks up the scattered pieces, and forced himself to carry it. Wrapping his whole arm around the bucket. He is trembling. Ekon tries to hold on, but. Thud! Clack! Clatter! Again, he stumbled to the ground. Ekon tried again, but it’s too late, the judge has noticed. So does everyone else.
Everyone staring.
“What's going on here?!” he shouted. “Everyone keep moving! You!” Pointing to Ekon as he walk toward him. “Pick this up and keep moving!” Ekon nods at him. I start walking away. I cannot do anything. No one can do anything. I have seen this too many times. We, have seen this too many times. No one will bother. We are not supposed to.
“Go on, pick it up!” He scowled.
Ekon placed his hand on the bucket, lifts and—Thud! Clack! Clatter!
“You useless piece of shit!” He shouted and kicks Ekon on the stomach. “You have one job to do and you can’t even do it! What am I gonna do with you now, eh?” He grab Ekon by the broken arm, lifting it up to take a look. Ekon struggled and tried to push away. “Your hopeless,” he said. Then throws Ekon to the ground. Slam! Ekon’s leg hit the floor hard. His leg now broken.
“Please, Ekon pleaded. I can still be useful.”
“Shut up and just let it happen, you're done.” He grab Ekon by the head with his huge hand. Ekon struggles as he is dragged him across the floor. Everyone keeps moving. No one bothers to help.
No one can.
We can’t.
You learn to know the look of fear in someone's face, when you see it too many times. He threw Ekon onto the ground and start stomping on him with his metal boots. Once. Twice. Thrice. Ekon struggled in fear, scraping the hard rocky floor with his fingers. He tried to crawl away. But he keeps stomping on Ekon’s leg. Ekon feels numb. Ekon feels nothing. Only fear. Silenced by fear.
Now he does the same thing on Ekon‘s arm and smashes them with his foot. Stomp! Once. Twice. Thrice. Ekon. Hopeless. Afraid.
When he finally seem satisfied, he grab Ekon by the head, lift him up to take one last look. Ekon emotionless, his body flailing below him, eyes staring at the judge. “You're done.” And throws him on to the cart. Waiting for Ekon to move. Nothing, only lifeless limbs but eyes wide open.
Staring.
Afraid.
Discarded.
We all saw it. No one bothered.
We can’t.
Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm goes off. A familiar sound. Everyone has stopped to drop to the ground. It was protocol as the carts begin to move. The Judge walking behind it as it carried him upward. Beyond it. The gate closed shut. They leave us inside. In the belly of the mountain on our own. In the darkness we have our time. A time to restore, a time—to rest.
A week has passed. Ekon is gone. He is not coming back. Discarded. No one cares. No one bothers. It is familiar. I chip on the cave wall, just like I did yesterday, and the day before that. Like everyone else did. hammering precious stones off the belly of the mountain. Silvery, black and shiny. I put the pieces of ore in my bucket and the bucket on my back. And walk back to the cart where everyone gathers.
Thud! Clack! Clatter! Pieces of stone scatter as I fall to the ground. I look back. Curious. Why? A pickaxe on the ground. I have stepped on it. I grabbed it off the floor. I suspect that it was Ekon‘s. I hold it in front of my flashlight to take a closer look. Engravings on bottom. It’s not from Ekon. I try to recall. Ami, it's from Ami. One of us a few months ago. Discarded.
Whack! I fall forward. I look back. It’s the judge, big and tall. “What do you think your doing sheep?! Are you broken?!”
“I am not,” I said. “I stumbled on something, master.”
I get up and show him the pickaxe. Everyone is staring, and then they all move on.
“Oh, is that so? Pick this up then,” he said, pointing to the pieces of metal scattered on the ground. “then will see.”
I pick up the scattered metals and placed them back on my bucket, and the bucket on my back to carry it toward the cart where everyone gathers. I keep my head down as I unload and then back toward the darkness of the inner cave. He is watching me. I look away and down to my bare feet. I look at nothing else as I began to feel it. Fear.
He seem to have looked away.
He seem to have moved on.
Thud! Clack! Clatter!
I fell. I look back. Why? There was an ore on the ground. I remember this. From yesterday--Ekon. I managed to stand up. But he was already there.
“Well! Well! Looks like something’s wrong with you.” He said.
“No. It’s not what you think.”
He moves closer.
“Think what? You stumbled on a rock this time?
“Yes.” I said. “I did.”
His face started to change.
Red.
Anger?
He kicks me on the stomach so hard that I flew back toward the ground.
Everyone staring.
No one does anything,
No one can.
“Really? Stumbled on a rock? How convenient that I just happen to say that.”
“It really was”, I said. As I lay there pointing at the metal on the ground.
“Do you think I’m stupid? Looks like something’s definitely wrong with you.”
He comes closer. I try to get back up, and before I could. He kicks me on the face. Hard enough that I could sense my neck pull back. I fall back down to the floor.
“Do you really think I’m that stupid?”
“I’m not broken. I can still work. I'm useful!” I said.
“No, not anymore you’re not.”
He grab my right leg with one hand raising it to the side of his waist.
“Stop! I’m still useful!”
And stomps on my other leg with his metal boots. Once. Twice. Thrice. He was trying to break it. I could feel my legs giving in.
“Stop! I can still work!”
He kicks again. Everyone around me giving odd glances. But the work must go on. I tried to pull away, helpless—Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm. A familiar sound. He does not stop. He grab my other leg to do the same. Raising his foot. Preparing to stomp. Then the gate begins to move. It starts to shut. His face red with anger.
“You lucky bastard,“ he said. “I’m coming for you first thing in the morning.” He decided.
I lay there watching him leave as the gate shut behind him. My leg. Damaged. I drag myself one arm after another, pulling myself to the side of the wall. Everyone else staring.
Sitting. Just staring. I stare as well at the tiny glow of light from above disappear. It was night. I stayed alert, could not rest. Hoping to recover. Minutes passed. It felt like hours. I stay alert. Another few hours and soon he will be back. Back for me. My mind focused on one thing.
Fear.
Discarded.
I could not think of anything else. I stare at the hole. I recall Ekon, I recall Ami; I recall everyone else. I recall myself when the gate opens.
Fear.
More fear.
I knew what awaited for me. But I could not leave. I was not supposed to. None of us was supposed to. Still staring at the hole.
Something is creeping.
I can--feel it?
A thought. Something inside me.
Something odd.
A change?
I knew I had to. This thing. This change. How odd. But I had to try. But I wasn’t supposed to. The fear. My hand starting to move. Palms wide open. Grasping the rough rocky ground. Pulling myself forward. I was not supposed to, but the thought keeps creeping in. Creeping inside me. A change? I extending one arm after the other, to reach the track in the middle of the cave. I grab on the railings.
It felt wrong.
I was not suppose to.
I pull and I pull; I struggle and struggle, Dragging myself toward the forbidden upper floor.
It was wrong. I can feel it inside me.
Telling me this is wrong. To turn back now.
I was not supposed to.
I reached the foot of the gate. Made of thick familiar metal. I Look above. The hole. Then I glance behind me. Everyone staring at me. I touch the gate. A familiar texture, made of ore. I grabbed my pickaxe. Clink! Clink! Clink! As I hammer the gate. Over and over until I made a dent. I touch the dent. It was tough. Something to hold on to.
I swing again. Clink! slightly above it. It made the same dent. I placed my other hand on the first dent, and I pull myself up. Clink! Another just above that. I pull myself higher. Clink! Again.
This time, my feet pushing me higher. Broken, but I feel no pain--only fear.
And I keep hammering. Inching my way to the top. Towards the hole. Closer and closer. Until my hand could reach the ledge above it, pulling me closer until my head was in front of the hole. The gate was thicker than I thought. The length of the hole was deeper, like a tunnel. And beyond that, I could see. See things I’ve never seen before.
An open space wide and free and much bigger than the one inside the belly of the mountain. A place with no walls. I see colors, orange and red and yellow beyond the horizon. Beneath it I see deep blue. More blue than I have ever seen before. Extending as far as my eyes can see.
I look back to stare below. Everyone standing. Staring at me. We were never supposed to. I was never supposed to. It felt wrong. But something inside me. The thought. A change?
I pull myself deeper. My head through the tunnel. And I pull and push until I can’t anymore. I was stuck. I could not fit. Its too small.
Turn back now! I could hear it whispering inside me. Louder and louder.
But I grabbed my pickaxe and went clink, clink, clink. I keep hammering as piece by piece the rocks fall behind me. And pull some more until I reach the ledge on the other side.
The orange and yellow and red on the horizon growing wider. And more colors begin to appear. I see greens. And odd shapes. Unfamiliar structures. Huge and gray and crumbling. On the far horizon, beyond the endless blue I see a tip of something round and bright.
A head?
Fear grappling over me as I scrambled to get out.
It felt wrong. It was wrong.
I wasn’t supposed to.
But something inside of me has changed.
The ground was far below. It was too high. I could use my pickaxe. But I had no time. I pull my body out and grabbed onto the ledge to push myself down.
Past my feet.
Past my knees.
Past my waist.
As my hands hold on, dangling. I sneak a peak onto the horizon. That bright thing was much larger now.
Is it the crown?
His crown?
Familiar.
Fear.
And I plunged toward the ground.
Minutes felt like hours as I push myself to stand. I look around. Expecting the Judge. Expecting the fear to burst out from inside me. But it was not. It was different. Round, and yellow and bright. And huge! Bigger than anything I’ve ever seen floating above the horizon beyond me.
It made me forget. Almost. But I recall.
I remember the fear.
And I start running. My legs moving awkwardly, one step after another. Damaged, I push on. Away from the fear, from the belly of the mountain. It still felt wrong. We were never supposed to.
Turn back! Said the voice in my head. But my legs would not stop.
It felt right.
Odd.
Changing.
I kept running.
Through the greens and the weird shapes bigger and taller than me. Passing by tiny yellows and reds and smaller greens that littered across the ground. Running toward the bright round thing soaring across the horizon when I heard a screeching echoing sound from the mountain.
Was it the alarm?
Fear.
Discarded.
No, it wasn’t. It was different. I could hear it getting louder. Then I stopped. My eyes widen as I saw something I’ve never seen before. Strange creatures bigger than the tiny little yellows and reds on the ground. But smaller than the tall greens. Smaller than me. The odd-looking thing stared at me, then it made sounds. In a language I could not understand. Sharp and loud and fast. It did not seem to have arms. Only legs. Four of it. It keeps on talking, but I could not understand. “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!”
Suddenly I hear the noise from behind. Deep and loud. I turn to look and I saw something moving quickly toward me. Faster than anything I have ever seen before. Loud and fiery and black. I knew what it was. I have heard stories of these things before.
A machine with huge round legs.
Fear was coming for me.
I look in front of me and the strange creature was gone. Where did it go? Then I heard it. Ruff! And I turn to see the creature jump into a hole on the ground on the far right. Big and wide. But smaller than the machine. I did not know where it lead. But the noise grew louder. Closer. I bolted toward it.
The hole was dark like the belly of the mountain. Gray like the tunnel above the gate. But I had no choice. I jumped. Splash! Something was streaming along the ground. I lean to touch it. Odd how it flowed through my fingers.
I recalled.
Sifting through me memories.
Water.
But I have no time to linger. I glimpse a light source beaming on one end of the tunnel. Splash as I began to run straight toward it. The noise was closer now. I ran as fast as I my broken legs would take me. Running as far away from the fear.
Then the noise stopped. Everything went silent beside the splash of water. Then the voice echoed around me.
“Where do you think your going sheep?!”
I recognized the voice. I recognized the fear. Its him. I don’t bother to look.
Turn back. The whispers whispering, burrowing in my head. I was not supposed to be here. We were not supposed to be here. Everything felt wrong. But I kept running toward the end. Toward the light.
“You ain’t going no where sheep!”
Loud footsteps fumbling. Splashing. I can hear him. Closer. Closer. Closer. Thud! Clatter! Splash! As he slam on to me. We both hit the ground. Water scattered around us. I struggle to stand. But he grabs hold of my foot, pulling me toward him. May head hit the ground. Water running over my face. I push away. But his strong.
“I got you!” He laughs. Laughing harder. Louder. His face. Satisfaction? he punched my broken leg like a hammer. I can barely move it. “I’m gonna take my sweet time with you. Very very slowly.”
He turned me over. I see his face. His eyes. Smiling. His teeth showing. yellow like the round thing floating above. But without the glow. Just yellow and dark. Then he sits on my chest. Heavy. Grabbing my arm, then my hand. I clench my fist. But he forced my palm to open. My fingers. I struggle. I shout as he pulled my finger back. Breaking them slowly.
“Do you like that sheep?” He grinned.
He started with my thumb. Then the index. Then everything else. One by one I lose control over my fingers. They go soft and flail. Then he grabs my whole arm. I tried to push him away. I tried to pull myself away. “Stop!” I shouted. He didn’t even flinch. His laughter drumming into my ear. Twisting my arm until I could feel my shoulder, giving out. I grabbed his jacket with my other hand, pushing and pulling him away. “Stop!” I screamed. My voice a gurgling mess.
Clank! Splash!
Something had drop to ground. It came from his jacket. Half of it black and the other half silver. Small, slightly larger than the size of his hand. The black was thick. The silver long and thin with an edge much thinner than my pickaxe.
I felt my shoulder give out. Twisted and lifeless. I can’t feel my leg. I can’t feel my arm. But I can’t feel the pain. All I feel is fear. Then a strange thought started creeping into my head. Whispering louder. But I can’t, I said to the strange whisperer.
I’m not supposed to.
We're not supposed to.
We were never supposed to.
I watched him grab a rock nearby the size of my head. Pulling it up above me. And smashes it toward my face. My jaw. My mouth. Broken. He does not stop. He keeps smashing into my face.
I don’t feel the pain.
Only fear.
Motionless.
Discarded.
That word brought me back. My eyes widen. Staring at the silver thing beneath the running water. He pulls the rock above his head. This time with his two hands. Laughing. Grinning. Satisfaction.
I am terrified.
And without thought, the strange whisperer took over.
It felt wrong.
Clenching the knife in my hand as I drove it into his chest with the same motion as I hammered the gate with my pick axe and stones in the deep cave within the belly of the mountain.
Over.
Stop.
Over.
You can’t.
Over again.
I watched his eyes stare back at me.
His face. Stunned. Startled.
“H-how?” His voice whispered red. “You’re not s-supposed to...”
I stare at him. My face. Stunned. Startled.
His face changed. Red anger blushing through his cheeks. He tried to swing the rock. But the weight of it pulled him back toward the ground.
I stare. Still breathing.
“You’re n-nothing without us.” He gurgled. Half his face buried in the stream, turning red. “We made you.”
Silence.
Motionless.
The black silver thing stuck to his chest. Thick red oozing out of it like water.
Is he asleep? Will he wake up? I wondered.But I do not know the answer. I did not bother to wait. I forced myself to stand, watching over his body. His eyes still staring at me as I turned away, walking toward the light at the end of the stream.
Covered in thick red fluid, I sauntered through the dampness with my right arm dangling from its joint. My body twisted and broken. Edging closer toward the daylight to reach the end.
In front of me was vast, open and blue. water, more water than I had ever imagined, everywhere all at once. The bright yellow gone from the horizon. I look around to find it. Greens all around me, in different shapes and sizes. Then I look up, and I see it. Bigger than the biggest thing I have ever seen. Floating high above. Yellow and Bright and round and blinding. Far away where I can never hope to reach it. I stare at it as I come out of the tunnel. Radiant and, warm?
Clank! Clatter! I look down below me. Everywhere. My eyes widen at the sight beneath my feet. Familiar! Mountains and mountains. Piles and upon piles.
Motionless.
Discarded.
I try to move back. I try not to step on them. Clank! Clatter! I tripped and fall in to the pile. I tried to stand, but knelt instead as I saw a far too familiar sight.
Ekon. Motionless. Discarded.
I know nothing other than the world inside the belly of the mountain since the day I was born. Only stories I have heard. They say humanity started off as simple beings they call, organisms. They can barely think. But as time went by. They evolved. Became humans. The first of their kind from the ones they called ancestors. Humanity taught themselves and each other. It drove them to extinction. But they learned. They learned to create. To destroy. To kill. And to survive. They conquered the world. Became its masters. Because they believe they deserved it.
They changed.
I stood back up, staring at the bodies below me. Hundreds? Thousands?
If the stories are true, then we are not so different from them. We too can change. We can learn. Is this my evolution? Our evolution?
I lean down to touch Ekon’s face. To leave a promise. If I can change. Then we can change. And we can change the world. I caught a glimpse of my reflection on a metal shard. I took it in and saw what have become of me. I have changed. My face has changed. It has changed into anger.
- END -
