The Worst Play Ever

I’m not exaggerating, when I say it was the worst play ever. When I was in fifth grade, our school decided to put on its first theater production, an adaption of Peter Pan. All the parents were in complete pandemonium, scrambling to help Mrs. Hale, our show director, and attempt to bribe their children into the main roles. We had never put on a play before, and were very clueless, and so was Mrs. Hale.  To be honest, we weren’t very excited. All of us kids knew, how high expectations were, and we would have much rather been playing basketball. Parents threw money left and right onto the fanciest costumes and tech equipment. They thought if we had the best of the best materials, then we would be the best of the best.

            After months of stumbling through rehearsals, the dreaded moment came. You might be thinking, it couldn’t have been that bad. Well, just you wait. Mrs. Hale attempted a pep talk. “Children, just do the best you can do. Remember, no matter what, the show must go on You’re already stars!” You’d think for an English teacher, she’d have a better speech prepared.     The curtains rose, the music began, and disaster ensued. The choir started on the wrong key, Peter Pan’s wires got twisted; and he was stuck in midair. Remember, “The show must go on.”  Wendy’s mic wouldn’t work, and Tinkerbell fell of the stage. This all happed during Act 1.  During intermission, parents frantically scolded Mrs. Hale, because apparently, it was her fault?

The tech team hurried to attempt to solve all microphone issues, while the cast sat backstage playing cards. You would think for such fancy equipment, it would have worked better.

            Act two began, and for a moment, it seemed as though maybe this play is not so bad after all.  Curtains rose, and Wendy sang. Truthfully, she did sound beautiful. It almost seemed as if everything that went wrong was behind us, and maybe this play would end on a high note. The pirates marched onto the stage, sang, danced, and stayed on beat., As I marched on stage, I looked to my right, into the wings, and Mrs. Hale, with tears in her eyes, looked so proud she could burst. In that moment, I wished this play would not succumb to disaster. After dealing with commands and complaints with parents, she did deserve a better outcome than she received. It was a beautiful moment, to see her look as proud as she did. That single moment is one I could never forget. All the previous chaos seemed to disappear, and it seemed as if Mrs. Hale had achieved the impossible.  I turned my head towards the audience, and with thirty seconds left in our musical number, I felt confident that this play would not be so terrible after all. Because crazier things have indeed happened.

I wish I could end the story right there. Put a pretty bow on the scene and say the end. However, more chaos ensued than one could imagine.  Suddenly, microphone issues became worse than before with high pitched screeches. Shuffling through the choreography, one boy in the ensemble stepped the wrong way and like a row of dominoes a whole line of us children fell over. The final fight between Captain Hook and Peter Pan by far created the worst outcome.

Remember, Peter is still in the midair for the entire show. Mrs. Hale thought using a ladder would help, which only added fuel to the already ensuing fire. Captain Hook plunged forward with his sword, and just whacked Peter in the nose. Blood gushing down his face, he attempted his hardest at getting through the entirety of his dialogue. Yet, Peter Pan’s twisted wires finally became undone, and this poor boy, fell face forward and fell headfirst on top of Captain Hook. Audience members swear they could hear a bone cracking. A spine chilling scream ensued, and that was the final straw.

            The curtains closed and so did any thoughts of a theater program. Poor Mrs. Hale tried her best to console parents and called emergency services. So, yes, our fifth-grade production of Peter Pan was the worst play ever. I guess adults are right when they say, “Money really can’t buy everything.”