HOW TO MAKE YOUR EX COMMIT SUICIDE

Dear Lord Voldemort,

Call me psychotic for messaging you even when I'm not supposed to, call me psychotic for loving you even after shattering me into a thousand pieces, call me psychotic for trying to make a LONG DISTANCE work in insane ways. Call me psychotic because that's what I'm, not matter who judges me for that or don't understand what that actually means , only you should, only you. It hurts so much that you failed to see what was in front of you with open arms and smiley face and all you needed to do was run towards into those arms.

Every single time i called you "Jaan", I meant it because you were my life.

I thought you did too guess that's one of the perks of being in a long distant relationship, you truly can't know. You can't tell if the other one is being honest or not. You never realize that there is sugar laced betrayal covering behind that sweet voice. Never able to see the other side i revealed my true self for maintaining the spark in hope that one day it may spread like wildfire and that I'll be like a devoted aborigine, dancing around it, believing that it will last. 

Then what  changed? 

I was 100 % ready for pulling off every possible stunt in the book and out of syllabus to lessen the physical distance and it took this long for me to realize that you simply wanted an experience and i was the guinea pig; didn't you? I thought you were a fighter and you would go with guns blazing in front of your parents for me because i sure would without blinking an eye. If you were to pin our love as lost love in the future, then pray to the big man upstairs to refrain me from doing something terrible to you because all the philosophy that you taught yourself won't save you. It wouldn't have been that way, if you had made an effort or were willing to go the extra mile even if the odds were against us. You didn't even care to look at the pieces  that you effortlessly broke. 

I was stupidly mesmerized in-front of your con face and those half-arsed words of promise. I realized that I loved you with my heart and you loved me with your brain and that my dear will fail you one day. With non stop tears in your eyes and a crying kid in the other will make you truly understand that you have fucked your life over religion, unworthy comments, greedy fantasies and most importantly male bravado which you all hated while we were together. If god exists he won't hear my prayers for you because even the almighty don't want to miss out on a betrayal of this epic magnitude. I don't know how to live without you, but I'll have to as this is my new reality. I'll find that Glass Slipper one-way or the other like the prince in Cinderella.

Betrayal begets blood and I'm still praying that it won't come to that. But somewhere in the dark corner of my mind I will secretly wish for it.

Sincerely

Your biggest regret