MOM GUILT (and ways to overcome it)

Mom guilt – a feeling that locks up your mind that whatever you do and to whatever extent you may go but as a mother you are still not good enough according to that idealized version of " MOM ".

Motherhood is not just a phase or any other ordinary word, it's an emotion, a complete journey. A journey filled with joy, laughter, love, surprises and unfortunately Guilt. Many mothers feel guilty and blameworthy when they are working for long hours, trying to find a slot of time for themselves in the busy routine or when they are not able to follow every "perfect parenting" tip that they come across. The guilt can weigh heavily making them doubt their own decisions. Mothers plunge themselves into this guilt, they fall headlong into believing these unrealistic self-doubts for not being able to be "enough good" as a parent.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working woman, Mom guilt is something that almost every mother experiences at least once in their life– Am I giving enough time to my kids? Am I a good parent? Did I make a good meal today? Am I failing as a mother? And many more questions that keep creeping inside you.

Mom guilt can be a part of a woman’s motherhood journey at any point, some mothers may go through this during the breastfeeding phase (may be due to postpartum depression), some mothers even face this with their toddler and some mothers might go through this when their kids are teenagers or complete grownups. Since it has nothing to do with age then what are the real reasons behind this guilt? Is there any way to overcome this guilt?

The answer is absolutely YES! Before we mount into the ways to overthrow this guilt let's first take a look into the sources that contribute to shaping Mom's Guilt.

Enlisting the various sources;

The major source of this guilt is the societal expectations and pressure of how society shows a "good parent" and how you have to fit into that fictitious mold of a Perfect Mother.

As a parent, mothers always tend to give their best for their children and in the struggle of giving the best to their kids they often start comparing themselves with other mothers who seem to have held up everything altogether firmly and here are you who’s just trying and trying! This is how the feelings of guilt reside in your body.

If you are a career-oriented working mother then balancing work and life is quite strenuous, always falling short in one area. In the middle, you often start losing yourself, struggling to manage everything.

You always put unrealistic expectations on yourself to hold on to everything inside you to fit into the mold of an Ideal mother even when it's draining your mind. Motherhood shouldn't be at the cost of your mental peace.

As every other human, you also want some time for yourself. At the end of the day, it's the same question every time, "Am I losing myself ?”. Consequently, you start doubting that this isn’t the life that you expected, the only identity you have now is that you are a Mother!

Now here comes our main motive behind this article, to let you know the ways to combat this guilt ensuring a Happy and Healthy Motherhood.

The first thing is to let yourself know that you are doing Great as a Mother. There's nothing like a "Perfect Parent", perfection is a myth and being natural and making genuine efforts for your child is the only reference of an Ideal Parent.

As every child is different, so is every mother. You don't have to push yourself into that race of Perfection. As humans, it's okay to make mistakes but what's significant is to forgive yourself and move forward. Your efforts are substantially appreciable, have firm faith in yourself.

Managing work-life balance is a real struggle for working mothers and the same goes for the stay-at-home moms who are head to toe loaded with work; cooking meals, washing dishes, doing laundry and much more so there's no shame in asking for a helping hand from your partner and discussing the challenges that you’re facing. You also deserve a happy and peaceful mind. Speak up, let it all come out.

Stop questioning your efforts every other day instead reframe your negative thoughts by replacing them with more realistic positive thoughts. It comes with acknowledgment and acceptance of how much potential you are investing in your kids. Let's consider an example; Instead of asking "Am I giving quality time to my kids?" Try replacing it by reminding yourself that "I'm doing my best for my kids in giving them time, effort and love to the fullest extent and that is enough".

On a final note, we know that Mom Guilt is a real thing that hooks up your mind but don't let it sit in your mind for too long. Being a mother is a full-time job and you’re doing it incredibly. Your presence, love, care and time are indispensable. You are phenomenal, so let go of the guilt and embrace the messy and memorable journey of Motherhood.

You are an amazing Mama!