Priscilla's Lenses: A Reflective Narrative

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Like every other day, I'm on the bus looking down through the windows on the earth beneath..I can only wonder if there is a similarity between how I do it and how God does.

My mind Snickers at me, a profound gesture that I can't trade for anything - if I can't tell myself the truth who will?

Fair enough. Totally true.

I don't want to see more.

In a world where things are going south and the most unexpected things become the norms, the more I see is the more I'm transformed - Into something I may or not want to be.

I see a man moving at an admirable pace with a box of pizza- I can't say if he bought it or is delivering an order

I see a schoolmate on the side walk, probably on her way home

I see an energetic man with a cap that I mistook for a peruke,chatting to his friend - I smile. God knows what hot tea requires that much attention and all that gesticulation.

I unconsciously lock eyes with a painted pair of eyes on a tall building. Deep within,I knew that if these pair of eyes existed, they'll search my souls very intent and I wouldn't be able to hide a single thing.

“Knowing my heart doesn't matter. Will you guard it? Will your mouth be as perfect as your eyes? Will it spill my secrets?”

I feel crazy for questioning an abstract.... Don't judge me.

I get out of the bus, giving anyone who fancied it the opportunity to look down at me like I did to the ones who threaded this path before me. I consciously dash across the street- not taking any signals whatsoever.

I'm not rebellious. I'm tempted to remind you that I'm Nigerian but I won't - we are good people, not created to break the rules. I am impatient- that is an individualistic matter arising not a national cake-and if it were,only the affluent would have a taste. Obviously, I'm not one of them. If I were,I wouldn't be miles away from home breaking traffic rules. I would rather be sitting in the treasury making active loot. I won't trust my counterparts enough to give me my entitlement if I were absent so I'd rather sit and take a sip -no, a gulp. I'll have a big grin on my face and tell myself

“we die here”

I'll steal without empathy or guilt. I and many others will ensure to take all that is not rightfully ours without any remains. we'll eat it all and leave it in ruins- That is what our politicians do.

I get on a second bus.

I see couples, now shriveled up and grey. I instantly wish for a time capsule, one buried from when they were younger, a relic of their past that could show me if they knew they’d make it to the good old days together.

This is the wish of many people but it seldom comes to pass. Did they see signs that made them hold on or did the universe just conspire to make them stick together through all the years that even death couldn't bring them apart yet?

Whatever it is, I hope someday,I can boast of it.

My eyes are now blurry, I've seen enough.

My mind is never weary. It nudges

“there's still a lot to explore”

I normally can't resist, but I have to learn to be in control,to say NO. Lest, it drive me insane.

I bow my head and let my mind wander far away to the days I wished to have darker skin, the days I got mad about the length of my hair,the days I could not contain my resentment at how thick it is. The days I wished I was born into a different family, the days I wished I was a better friend, the days I wished I could be there for everyone, the days that I was not enough.

My mind, so chaotic!

Here comes my consolation. Perhaps,Ours.

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star."

How did your day go? Mine wasn't bad in all honesty. I'll love to hear from you. As always, l leave you in the hand of the one who sees, consoles, gives clarity and closure more than any emotional support ❤️

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