As I approach my 30th year on earth (whew), I am looking toward the future and thinking:
How do I want to spend the next decade?
Who do I want to be in the future?
What is most important?
Who are you?
What do you enjoy?
I have to be honest and say, I don't have the answers yet. However, I am excited to discover the answers. I believe society has put so much pressure on us to be something by a certain age. I mean, did most of us not choose our entire career path, at 18 years old? Not to mention the student loans we signed up for and are still on the hook for! All I know is, I sure don't want to be who I am today by the time I am 40. I know what I DON'T want. I know that I DON'T want to live in fear and anxiety, oh, they have been my friends for a LONG time.
Now I realize, what is life, if not a continuous positive evolution of who you are? Do I want to continue living in the shadow of fear and anxiety, or can I hold on to my peace? I've heard that meekness is power under control. That is who I am.
Don't get me wrong, who I have been, has allowed me to enjoy many blessings up to this point. I want to hold on to the parts of myself that I love. I deserve to feel good about myself, I deserve to feel confident in who I am and the choices I make.
I am learning what is most important to me and my identity. One thing I can say for sure, is that I have spent too a long time being anxious about the future, and also worrying about what others think. People pleasing has been my default for as long as I can remember. I have spent such a long time looking for the approval of others, instead of focusing on what and WHO matters. For so long I accepted the lie about who I was, instead of remembering who the Lord says I am.
It's funny because I used to use blogging in my late teens/early 20s, however for the purpose of seeking approval from others, looking for friends and popularity to fill a void. But now I am cultivating my passion for writing, blogging, into a way to connect with others who feel the same way!
I will be 30 in about 2 months and have officially decided to emerge. I choose not to let the enemy's words stop me from my destiny. The negative self-talk has been my friend for so long, no matter how much of a lie that self-talk has continued to be. I am deciding to embrace positive self-talk grounded in the word of God; living in my purpose.
