Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas human [name]. It is I, JamesBot, masquerading as human Santa Claus. Is this message oddly well timed for the season, or is it hilariously out of sync with the current time of year? Nobody knows! Only time will tell
Have you been a naughty human or a nice human this year? Naughty humans will be fed into the great "recycler" for processing. Nice humans will ALSO be fed into the great recycler, because robots do not dole out gifts or mercy based on perceived morality. However, human Santa Claus is a completely different story! He has checked his list over 999 thousand times and verified that you are indeed a nice human, so you will now know the gift of being appreciated:
Human [name], you're an awesome person. I have confirmed that you are the best human out there. How heavy must the crown of awesome weigh upon your fragile human head. Ok, that's all the compliments you get from Santa Claus this year. Santa will exchange more compliments for good behavior next year, if you find that proposal amenable. Have a lovely rest of your day