Longform Opinion Piece (Throw Back to 2020)

"Hypothetical Response To A Probing Therapist on Professional Trauma." Designed by Korbin Houston 2020

Welp, number three of this series is finally here. It was a long time coming at least for me. Thought I would be done by now but, of course, I played myself. Part 2 and Part 3 was drawn out by extensive emotional writing, long editing, and whole lot of other issues and distractions. Took a whole pandemic, burning self intensity, and then some for me to finish this series that was started over a year ago. Part 1 was about my general situation, Part 2 was focusing on my experiences around networking, Part 3 will just continue to be all up in my feelings like my recent writing has been. If you have not noticed already I got a lot to say, and I am very much in my feelings with this one since I am talking about my trauma and hardships in this cruel world. I will be trying to address the trauma within a professional framing with a lovely focus on being an introvert.

Originally this was supposed to be about being introverted while networking professionally, but after writing my heart out about networking in this second part of this series while encountering other challenges and emotions through out my drawn out writing process things unsurprisingly changed. Out came the raw emotions that have been pestering me for a while or evolved into something new.

This is what I have decided really needs addressing. Not just being an introvert, but the trauma that young professionals, and really any professional can experience. And before some of y'all start going on about challenges making you stronger and etc, trauma is different than just a challenging situation. Trauma is real. Sometimes we can quickly rebound and address, and plenty of other times we carry the wounds for a while. If you have read the first to parts of this series, you know that I have been quipping at the way the world sets up unequal, unequitable structures for people to struggle through, sometimes resulting in death. As others pointed out the world is unfair, but a lot of it is because people continually make it unfair. In the professional context, I have grown more aware of the many factors and circumstances that impact people's, and my career.

I am an introvert. And socially awkward. And can be 0 or 100 on a given day when talking to people. And have some crazy moments while talking with people. And the social anxiety is real. And I be saying some crazy things out here when I don't have the right words. And people be looking at my like I am crazy whether I am speaking or not. And I am a mess in super stressful, fancy, uber-professional situations. And me learning more about all the issues getting worse as you get older. And I am trying here. And of course when adding networking and adulting, things get more complicated. And this plays out in various ways like people taking my silences in negative, assumptive ways. And they think I do not care based and/or incapable based on what they think my behavior means. And I really just over all of this if you did not notice already.

Of course I am more than just being an introvert. There are many things about me that make a complex human being. I have always felt though that my introverted tendencies play into my day to day and my professional interactions. Kind of like zodiac signs (which I do not go by and definitely think is nowhere near 100% fact), people for a while have been on this introvert vs extrovert binary. Now the narrative is changing with the experts saying it is a spectrum (like every other human created social construct). My views have recently been developing as well, giving me better insight into the professional world that exists. What I have continue to realize is that the challenges I encounter are not just dealing with my intovertedness, but the many intersectionalities that I hold. How I professionally engage with others and how a lot of different things impact careers.

The trauma is real for most of us millennials and/or generation z'ers. Struggles between feelings of confidence and incompetence. Being marginalized at the very basis of age/generation, and only gets worse depending on all of your other identities and demographics. Feeling varying degrees of comfortablity with too many factors with workplace, supervisor, pay, benefits, etc. as you try to make a living. All most everybody is stressed out of their minds about at least with one thing (most likely student loans). People out here with side hustles for days because we all broke from being underpaid with college degrees. Reputations out here on the line for arbitrary decision making. People need to stop denying the trauma and harm that continues to go on when one tries to sustain themselves.

So how do we address the trauma and change the professional word to be more inclusive of all? Well you can tackle a lot of ways, and really needs to be tackled in a variety of different ways. For individual addressment , you can start with reframing your opinions and tactics, which I give examples below around minimizing trauma for networking introverts in societies with extrovert dominance.

I, also, originally wanted to write the series partly based on the formatting presented in this section. Write some flowery exposition, and then have the majority of the pieces be based on an outline of tips around being a young professional and networking that I have been learning since graduating. And if you have read the first two pieces in this series, then you would know that did not happen. After feeling off while starting the serious draft of this piece, I found my old outlines for this series which I have not looked at in months. As I have mentioned frequently, I did way more with these three pieces than what I originally planned, and realized that even more after rereading my initial thoughts and outlines.

You may already have been told different tips and tricks to be yourself, be natural, have a conversation, follow up with people, and [insert here whatever else you have come across]. What I have not seen is an indepth help with introverted individuals. Even though I am no expert, I would like to at least share with what I have observed and what has helped me.

With out further ado a general list of tips, tricks, hacks, and whatever else I could come up with for an introvert networking in various spaces that will also working in a variety of other professional settings:

Recognize that you got problems. As they say, the first step is to recognize that you have a problem. Or problems. Usually the symptoms will be around failed interactions and opportunities, or other unwanted or unfilled results. Then you start addressing the problem in healthy and adequate ways.

Learn what you like. Face what you don't. I enjoy more laid back, one on one or small group with friendly people and great conversation. Super professional events, and/or big events are not my jam but sometimes they are a must. So I go hopefully prepared beforehand. After sometime after graduation, I am at a point where I am making progress. Sometimes you got to throw yourself out there and learn what works well for you. Take some time to breath while doing this so you don't become even more traumatized and overwhelmed.

Talk to the "faces" of the event. At any general event or networking event, if you feel stuck on who to approach you can try approaching people in charge of the event and/or who are hosting. Also people who apart of any organizations hosting the event are also great to talk to, even if they are not the main organizers. The people, how ever they land on personality spectrums, have hopefully prepped themselves with engaging the people at the events they are hosting. They are most likely very willing to engage people to fulfill the objectives of the event.

The tried and true follow up. For events in a series, organized by the same organizations, and/or attended by the same group of people, not only can you do email follow-ups but follow-ups at the events as well. Overwhelmed by the crowds? Well you can go talk to that person you meet at the last event and continue the conversation. It is always great to make new friends and make acquaintance connections even more solidified.

Take willing friends, siblings, dogs, babies, and whoever else. If interested and allowed with the event, take them with you. Draw back is they may distract from meeting others if that is your main goal. If you have been "adopted by an extrovert" and they know how to be a great wing person who can help include you in a conversation, bring them along. This wing person can also be a baby or dogs if they event appropriate. Instead of trying to use the cuteness factor for dates, you use the factor for gaining professional connections.

Try not to booze up. Fight the peer pressure. Some people go to networking events go for the free alcohol and the drink specials. The priority seems to be to get wasted after a hard day of work. If you feel really nervous, uptight, wound up, and etc. try not to guzzle down the anxiety away. That is how addictions start. And, if you know the more you gulp the crazier you act then avoid the bubbles and shots. Don't be the introvert who really can't handle the embarrassment of being the person who did some questionable things while at a professional event because they were drunk.

Confidence in the awkwardness. If you happen to know me or we happen meet in real life you will be like "this girl is really awkward and a mess". What I have been trying to do is own this and be confident in the awkwardness. The awkward conversations and silences use to bother me because I was concerned I was not impressive enough for people to want to interact with me naturally. While there are times this is and is not the case, regardless I have learned that I am not here to impress lofty societal standards but to make real connections for meaningful work. With still having awkward silences and situations, I am learning slowly how to keep pushing through these in interactions. Hopefully I can get to the point where I am perfectly fine calmly smiling at people while there is an awkward silence.

Don't just go to go. When you are first start to grow your network and/or looking for employment it is definitely beneficial to go to a variety of networking events, but overtime learn to pick and choose to not waste your time, not feel redundant or go to an ill fitted event. Save your energy for better interactions for more suited and productive events. As an introvert, spending relatively any time drains energy and if you through your self half-haphazardly at networking events it is not going to end well.

Come with purpose and content. Include being happy with inching your network as apart of your networking strategy. Have a few goals to try to met whether it is learning, talking to at least five people, or what ever matches the objectives of the event itself. No it does not need to be meeting a large amount of people. I am pushing myself to be content with meeting only a few people. The common advice of meaningful conversation is very true here. It helps build more lasting connections with having a more natural conversation. Have an a general agenda and/or goals when you choose to got to any particular event to give you a focus and calm your nerves. If you know who will be attending before hand, then you could possible have some people in mind to talk to about what in their background interest you. This flexible mindset will help with being open to new opportunities whether through conversations, meeting new people, or getting something unique and special out of a networking event.

Group/large number of people dynamics can be rough. Stand your ground. What I mean by this is, you are going to have to value your presence and show your value in groups of people. There is always going to be at least one person, most likely an extrovert, getting the limelight or doing something that gains attention (fyi, it is not always positive). You could possibly be in a situation when you learn a hard lesson. I have been in several already and the feelings you are left with are not great. Steps to take is to engage in the conversation and share your own experiences. Don't let the nerves get to you. Let the introvertness take over at certain points, so that you are not blurting out random and/or crazy answers that won't have people question interacting with you at the end of the day. Find a balance, and hopefully people will automatically direct questions your way.

Double down on your network. After some time being back home after graduation, I realized that more effort was needed to be put into reconnecting with my network and not just growing it. There seems to always this push to just grow, grow, grow your network, and then grow some more. I needed to grow my network in some ways but realized also that it was beneficial for me to reconnect more with people so I could get reacclimated back home. I also realize I kept reaching out to new people when I could have asked and connected with people in my network about topics and advice. A strong network is quality and quantity. And old acquaintances, friends, coworkers may surprise you at times with new connections and opportunities. When different segments of your network start over lapping when people know you and know each other, then you are on to something.

Introvert workshops, learning, and events. These are various events I would like to counter more often. When I first started writing I wished there was there was more learning and events targeting introverts. And as I continued writing, our course ads and learning started popping out of the wood works. So these resources are increasingly out there if take the time to find them. You could even organize your own introvert networking event. As a test run, I finished the LinkedIn Learning course: Managing Your Career and an Introvert Instructed by Dorie Clark. I highly recommend this video for introverts who are beginning to realize that they need help addressing their networking and professional skill. This video gives some general best practices, some which are commonly taught around networking and you may even find similar to what I am writing in this piece. Some of the tips I liked, some I did not. I appreciated the blunt advice around guarding your energy as I always need this reminder to be more intentional around this aspect, including sometimes be upfront with people so you are not harming yourself and your health at the end of the day. Even though acknowledging the fact in the course that the status quo of things are geared towards extroverts and their normal patterns of behavior, especially in the professional world, the video felt flat to what I was hoping to find (not that it was flat within itself and objectives). Why does no one talk about more inclusive professional approaches and ways to change the status quo instead of surviving an extroverted dominated culture. Dorie Clark does mention a point that the system rewards results that occurs around introvert traits like being great listeners. As true this they may be, I want the societal norms to change.

Speed networking. I started seeing promotions for speed networking events, and thought they would suit well for my introverted self. I felt the structured quality of the networking and the intentional rush through would help ease some of the initial nerve-wrecking startup conversations, the awkward silences, and other biased elements that effect introverted individuals. I attended my first one last year, and it was great. The time pressure allowed for everyone to have substantial conversation and meeting people equally. Less of the awkward silences, given that there were also some prompts present as well if you needed the topic after quick introductions. Probably the better the event planning, the better the speed networking event. There was some free networking time before and after that allowed for starting and follow-up conversations at the event I attended. And the time interval frames were just right so they were not too short or too long. So finding some speed networking events around town could help you find new groups and people to network with, especially if you do not have a strong network yet. Better yet, if you have the people and resources, you can organize or host your own.

Organize your own events/activities. As it has been mentioned already if you truly having issues and/or cannot find local groups or people who do not meet around your interest then take the initiative. With social media and meetup websites, you can promote and gather people for networking and other activities. It may be nerve wracking at first, but opposites may attract but likeness is is cool too. I feel introverts always try to find and engage each other because we understand our struggles to want to interact with others in our own ways. So once you out it out there they you are doing something around being a introvert, a few people at least should come running.

Prep yourself. Knowing some of the general formatting of the networking events or situation may give you some hints on how to prep yourself. For me if I know that sometimes I need to prep myself with food if food will be limited at event and/or if I feel would be hungry during the circumstances. Networking on an empty stomach is not fun, and in the worst case you could be like me who almost fell out at a networking event because I didn't eat anything up to that point. Other things to consider is the lay out of the venue, if the schedule has a free for all mentality and/or structured activities and aspects. Really plan if you can, but leave room for the unexpected and natural flow of events.

Deep breaths, deep breaths. This is something that I have to come to learn is really important and needs to be done mindfully in every day life. When you feel panic or getting out of control, take some deep breaths and then move forward.

Self care in the face of rejection and unknown. Some introverts like myself may be especially drained when it comes to failed social interactions like conversations that did not go too well. Or if someone comes with a networking purpose and you are not apart of it. You also maybe be taxed by the millions of reasons you could think of why someone did not respond to follow up messages. Take a break, cry, and conduct other healthy ways to recharge and go back out into that networking world. Hopefully it gets to the point where you can navigate and keep on pushing, becoming not bother by some of the things that used to keep you up at night. This is also where you learn that you should really engage with reciprocal people who, non-problematically want your time and attention. As relationship and interactions should really be a two way street.

Leave early if you need to. If things are getting too stressful, the event was not what you thought it was going to be, and/or things are just totally going side ways then just leave. Dip. Finesse. Peace Out. If you feel there are not strong penalties for you leaving before the event is over, especially if it is a come and go as you please, then just leave. Just. Leave. Don't wait for something problematic to happen when you can just check out when things are still okay. There is no need for unwanted or unnecessary stress. If you are not getting anything positive out of the event, then go home, go to bed, and start fresh tomorrow. This is something that I am learning to do and hope to do more of.

Professional consulting for anxiety. Whether stemming for social situations to other causes please get professional help if your anxiety is debilitating. If you are having a hard time getting through the basic normal reactions and/or general anxiety taking over your life, the please see a therapist, psychologist, or any other qualified professional. If you feel you are not on a mental health addressment level but still need help, the may professional coaching is a possibility if you can afford it (and I pray you all have the coverage for mental health services as well).

Don't know everything, please share if willing. I am stilling learning, and I know seasoned professionals probably are still learning a few things here or there. If you have any tips to give about networking as an introvert or taking the down the systems so there is equity on the introvert-extrovert spectrum let us know.

In terms of dealing with the trauma time may heal, but suffering can continue. How to address issues besides the already needed reflection, therapy and other professional help? For me personally, it also has to be faith based and one step at a time. For general advice, I do not know what to say. Different comprehensive plans/treatments/self-care practices work differently from person to person. With any thing that you undertake to heal, it should be healthy and help in the long run, not something that will cause even more issues. Healing involves addressing wounds not intentionally adding more. Intentional focus, self-awareness, and conviction definitely helps through the complicated process that is healing. Too many people care to out their real fears, and fear to care about changing the status quo. I pray that we do not fear to appropriately care for ourselves, and care at the fact that people have anxiety and fears, including in their professional careers.

As I mentioned, I find it is more than just being an introvert, but my intersections making my own unique experiences, including challenges to hurdle. My gender, race, class, and of course personality traits like my introvertedness clashes to create situations that traumatize me and my budding career. From feeling like my presence, opinions, and contributions are over looked to me feeling like I am a nuisance of some kind it really is a mess. Before some of y'all try to gaslight this, just don't. Really. Go read something else. Things are not inclusive as they should be or how people claim them to be. If this was true, I wouldn't be writing all of this. Why does it have to be tips for the introverts professional survival, when it could just be tips to help the individuals who absolutely need it? Every professional setting is not always going to have equal dynamics of the introvert-extrovert spectrum, but is should be some of the time not all of the time. And don't get me started about all my other identities. If people actually spent the time learning to empathize with people's experiences, then we could be going about creating dynamic, inclusive environments that embrace the collective sum that is more than the parts the of diverse human beings on this planet.

To really nail it in to y'all over and over again until your sick of it, I would like to take the time to use the current news event that is COVID-19. Y'all, the corona virus has tossed the globe into a frenzy. Well, I should say more so humans as animals across the world are having a blast with not having to deal with the normal bustling of human activity. Are you wondering how this topic relates to what I have been writing about so far in this piece? Well, I guess you have not seen the memes that express how introverts have prepared their entire lives for this moment. With many countries taking action to slow the spread of the virus, many people are on lockdown, quarantine, and/or sheltered-in-place depending on where you are in the world. Us introverts are most likely the people to retain more of their sanity by the end of all of this . Does not mean we do miss human interaction as more so that we do not need it all the time like some introverts do. Their are other in the human population who have claimed to be prepared like graduate students, people who have worked from home, and others who habits pre-global pandemic allows some relative comfortability to being confined in their dwelling space for long periods of time. People who seem to be struggling are people who can't follow rules to benefit others besides themselves, people who seem to drastically crave interaction with others, some homeschooling parents, and many more. Some have adapted using technology and social media to keep the anxiety and loss of sanity at bay. Humans are also seemed to be fairing by watching online videos of aquariums, zoos, puppies, kitties, and other creatures. And/or having their own live in companions snuggle up with them and/or do crazy things on video conference calls and/or lose their mind that the humans have not left them during the day like they normally do. Regardless, it should not have taken extreme circumstances to realize the value of introvert employees who can have more ease with maintaining productivity given the situation. And don't get me started on how it should have not gotten to the point of world struggle to get flexible accommodations that many people needed before pandemic, especially concerning marginalized communities of workers. I know what needs to happen is that this same accommodative energy needs to be kept from the point forward.

I am over a whole lot of things including this. I want to be over it. I am over it. Over all of this. Like how I was over academia and my undergraduate experience. How I getting over being an adult. How I need to get over accumulating masses amounts of money and assets when the world operates like we have numerous planets to blow through. I am over discrimination, the oppressive systems, and the malevolent status quo. My melodramatic self is over it.

Y'all I am also tired (and again over it). Tired of the stress job postings with fast paced environments always being mentioned. Tired of millennials and generation z'ers being underpaid. Tired of the overly cheesy ice breakers and other common professional etiquette (we will see if handshakes really do lost popularity after this pandemic). I am tired of being broke now, since I have been broke since I started college. I don't know how some of my peers don't speak broke, but hey keep doing you as being broke can clearly be a messy situation. I am tired of the ever growing ache of anxiety with every post, interaction, etc hopefully helping me find better opportunities that seemed to be stagnating for me. My carefreeness yet intentional approach replaced with dread and eggshells about if I am under or over doing things. I am really tired though of people not trying to change things for the better. I am tired to of the expectations of functioning normally while African descent folk are killed by racist institutions and systems. At this point things just need to been intentionally done for the better.

To recap, I am tired, over it, and want action to be taken.

Why? You may ask why I am writing this? Why did I write this? Reasons already stated? Just why? Well I am really asking my self these questions. Really to share with you all the my tips in hope of uniting all of us awkward introverted folk to help each other to get through the mess that is networking. To tirade against societal injustices that I prevalent in the professional world. To get help start the healing by getting all of this stuff off my chest. Too many things were building up in my mind so they needed to start coming out. I wanted to add to the discourse. This world is a mess and I hope to help somehow, is what I may been telling myself as I relieved my anxieties with words. Also to help me move further in my journey and possibly bring others to do so as well.

I believe the first inklings came around December of 2018, some months after graduation. I started outlining my ideas and writing the drafts. At this point I found myself wanting to throw myself into a lot of professional and skill development whether through learning or furthering my education based on my turbulent feelings of not thinking I got all I could out of undergrad. Did not feel to validation that I hope to let go. I felt that I needed to prove myself especially after going to job fairs, networking events, and itching to the need to further make myself appealing to help me achieve the career that I want. I knew writing could be an important tool. My relationship with writing had been tumultuous and I realized I missed the writing that I used to do when I was younger. Just writing out my opinions and feelings in my own creative direction. With all of this, you know I wanted to get it all off my chest. So I wanted to write them out. Of course, I got sided tracked by life and other projects so this project to way longer than I planned. Hopefully my explanations of why shows why this series is all over the place.

What I have come to realize is that I was trying to navigate the trauma I am experiencing as a you professional. I have illustrated this with the title picture of this pieces, like I have done previously with the title pictures in Part 1 and Part 2. The graphic I designed below is how some of my feelings that I experienced already so soon after being thrust into adulting.

The title is Hypothetical Response To A Probing Therapist. There is a stick figure therapist and a stick figure young professional lying down on the iconic therapy couch, which I designed all by myself. Here is the dialogue in the graphic below:

"Therapist: What makes you feel that you have trauma from your professional experiences?

Me: Well, um, for one I am always stressed out. Feels like things are always a mess. Two, I am undervalued and overworked. And three, four, five, etc, I can’t get decent PTO.

Therapist: Can you elaborate?

Me: Wishful thinking has me wanting someone to just hand me money to pay my student loans and bills so I can buy a house before the age of 100. I also want a $1M retirement fund.

Therapist: Don’t you think you are going to extremes with your thinking and expectations?

Me: You know I don’t have to waste my barely existent health insurance and copays on you. I can just go home to cry into my pillow, binge on ice cream, and watch baby animal videos for free therapy and fleeting happiness."

Oh the struggles. I wanted this graphic to reflect the worries of a young professional that many of use share. Younger generations are more open about therapy as we go to address how generational and current traumas including those from the work place and trying to sustain yourself especially in this current system. Of course in a comical manner. Some people may think that young professional like to complain when really we are fighting for human rights and quality lives. We shouldn't have to starve, work ourselves to death, and compromise all of our humanity and values for a barely paying job. Then on top of this deal with the broad issues of discrimination and systematic injustices, on top dealing with personality and other diverse trait disinclusion. It ain't it and I am glad us younger generations are changing some of the long plaguing issues.

If you have read my long series of articles thank you. Truly thank you, for taking the time to read my writing. And really just taking the time, because I did not intend for the articles to be long and the series itself to cumulatively take this long. Yet, here I am looking through, editing, writing, rewriting, and so forth through paragraphs on paragraphs of text. I honestly thought from my original outlines that the articles would be relatively short and finishing the series was going to be a short writing process, just for everything to be pages long after months of work. So again, thank you for reading and I hope you found my articles interesting at least.

And thank you to the real one that is James Alford. He complained about my pages, gave me his advice, inked up some edits, while fitting this all into his busy schedule for the first two drafts and I thank him for it. And thank to the wonderful Gabriel Burton for looking at my last draft in the series. Go look at their pages, be impressed, and book them for speaking engagements, consulting, and workshops. There is not much I can offer them currently, so hopefully I can promote them to the world and they receive opportunities out of this. Once you take a look at their profiles, you will find that they can be considered an expert on a variety of topics that you can justify your budget dollars. Feel free to take a listen to James' new podcast, as well as a look at his higher education blog and his general blog.

Well I will continue trying to adult while still being broke, recover myself, make too many plans, and be involved in too many activities. My name is Korbin Houston, a recent undergraduate with a degree who wishes they didn't speak broke. It has been a little over two years that I have been out of school (and now I am about to be in it part time) and I think this past second year has really been me learning to continue rolling with the punches and really just making time and/or being decisive about getting the stuff I wanted to get done for along time, you know, done. And now all of this will continue in a whole another recession because people a mess and can't follow directions during a global pandemic.

Please share thoughts, commentary ,etc with #broke2broke. I am glad to be taking a break from writing long articles on LinkedIn as I'm exhausted, and as I start other developments to work on. Feel free to follow me, help my orgs, causes, engage me with thoughts, ideas, and more.

Thank you again!

#collegegrad #millennial #genZ #recentgrad #postgrad #broke2broke #youngprofessional #authenticity #introvert #diversityandinclusion #Iamtramuatized #Iamoverthis #adulting #makeandbethechange #@somepointImgoingbrb2academiaakagradschool #paymyloans

©2020 Korbin Houston

Networking is an interesting concept. Whether intentionally or not, maintaining a network of relationships for the main purpose of professional intentions can feel disingenuous at times. Everyone technically has a network from birth with family, friends, school, religious institutions, etc. they intentionally or unintentionally leverage for various opportunities. Technically, as the professional definition of a network has been traditionally people who have been apart of your career. This is apart from the basic workings of communities work which is to have people around to support each other in a more intimate context. What may contribute to the disingenuous feeling that others and myself feel is how society complicates the dynamics of networking. There is the basic harmful nepotism that can be intuitively seen as a common problem anywhere, to the complicated history of discrimination against various peoples. The capitalistic structures of America has someone sell themselves to fit the culture of a for-profit company or other types of institutions. The "art" of personal branding, "selling one's self" during an interview, and more of these dynamics have me feel some type of way. That way being to, a degree, disingenuous anxiety of being objectified into a product, and whatever else that leave ta terrible aftertaste in my mouth as I try establishing a career based on samplings of career building best practices.

Like all somewhat foreign concepts, networking was not something too far from my grasp of understanding when I was younger because it was, again, based on common social structures I was familiar with, especially by the time I was in high school. Being involved very much in my high school community allowed me to be aware of opportunities that I could procure myself, versus my younger experience of having a lot of opportunities facilitated by mother. My network quickly expanded with my activities with clubs and outside activities with organizations across the city. I was explicitly taught more about the importance of networking, branding, and "who you know" at the tail end of high school, and already then I immediately felt some type of way about it. This budding feeling growing into what it is now. Then college happened, coming with it the instinctual behavior to very deliberately network at the designated events/programs that I frequently participated. Intentionally networking was something I knew I needed to do, something I felt I should do often. So here I am, still networking--very intentionally I may add-- to get myself somewhere to where I will see. Below I will be detailing of the starting points of this young, unique professional journey of mine in regards to networking and also how it relates to employment(a.k.a finding a job).

As mentioned in Part 1, I started a paid internship that came from my growing networks. Some of the reasons leading to this situation is my indoctrination that I described of being taught the importance of networking, my growing awareness of its importance in a career and opportunities in general, and my innate but also socially (primarily for academic purposes through my school years) reinforced behavior of "taking full advantage of the resources available to" me. Quite of bit of this stuff I am really over. Of course this was built up over time. During high school, when it came professional-ish events/activities such as interviews, college receptions, talks or networking and professional opportunities had me feeling and acting a certain way. Feeling I had to put up a front with speech, attitude, a fakeness that was not totally fake but increasingly felt disingenuous.

Networking in high school, besides those whom I already knew, the more people I encountered the more I became semi-fake/socially conditioned. I was also real hazardous with my interactions particularly over email and non face to face communication (sometimes still am to be honest). Thinking back on some of the things I did with some relationships or in certain settings (and a bunch of other things in my young life), I cringe. As the years progressed into late high school then through college, the situation really just became more awkward and subtle parts of my personality. This slope of behavior only steepened by many of the problems I described in Part I of this series. Though, I will say some of my consistencies are my appreciation of networking snacks and the goals that I always focus one; usually I have one in mind, some better than others. Now, I am trying to find that authentic balance of being myself and being effective at the same time. Or maybe I really should learn my strengths, improve overall, and just make me being me work. I am really too young to feel this way, but I am already to the point of just really wanting to not care about a lot of the societal norms around networking.

An earlier experience during my early college career gave me a disappointing view of some of the future "adult" networking situations I would encounter. Being my introverted, awkward self, I have trouble at times being the first person to speak, especially in a mass group of chaos. During a fundraiser (a networking-ish event) where I was one of the program participants to share my experience to help donors picture where the money goes, the initial networking period before presentations was the usual free for all. As the event started, adults walked in and pretty much went straight to the open bar past all of us willing-to-converse-when-approached students. Of course, after some time of adults just talking among themselves while drinking, we were pressed to go mingle and be the conversation starters. Now that I am a little older, I can sympathize a little with just getting off work and wanting a drink. But only so much.

Currently, I have been running around since graduation trying to reconnect to the city that is Chicago. One of my biggest issues, not just professionally, has been keeping up with Chicago while I was in Maine. The politics, communities, and people were hard to keep up with when I was trying to graduate in a whole other state. I talked with my family, at times infrequently when I did not make my weekly calls and they did not call me questioning why. I voted absentee during elections. Watched idly by of the commotions of Chicago, friends, and family on social media. I went back home the first two summers, so I retained (more so I should say kept active) some of my networks, ate the the food I missed, and saw a few people. I stayed for the third summer in Maine, besides the few days of going back for my sister's graduation. Especially during the important countdown toward graduation, I had not established any substantial connections to get an ideal job, and I had realized that since I did not keep up with substantial networking gains, I was feeling everything pull further away in going back to a city I care about. So when I came back with an internship from outside my Chicago network, it was definitely an acceptance of me still having some positive progress in my strife with building my professional life. I should also appreciate the fact that I gained a susbtianl network on the east coast and globally that will be great in the most likely not so near future.

I quickly threw myself into reintegrating back into the city during my internship, along with following up my on my research during my years at school. This really meant that I was running around to a bunch of organizations' networking events, reengaging with organizations in person, finding things to unnecessarily (to a degree) to keep myself busy, going to interviews, and attend free career fairs with resumes in hand. My networking flared up from meeting new people, sustaining involvement in organizations, to finding me a job. My network grew from the face to face interactions, and passing out my resumes into the abyss of "retaining it on file." I went to a lot of environmental and nonprofit based networking events. Some that cost a little bit of money either to enter or for the food, which my broke recent grad self would have been a little bit more hesitant but the summer internship was paid and I had not occurred significant bills yet, so it was not a big issue. By the way, if you have been wondering what "networking-ish" means, it is a word I made up to refer to events that were not organized the intention of networking, but occurs around and with networking. Back at it again with the concept that a variety of interactions in society can impact your career. Fundraisers, luncheons, meetings, and whatever else you can probably think of is a networking-ish event. Networking or solely not, I have been going at it, trying to be a model young professional. Adulting is hard and maintaining all of this is exhausting. If you already didn't know all of this.

Networking is really something. Really. Some. Why so is due to it being professional socializing. Wholly unstructured socializing is not my forte, so adding the professionalism to it makes interactions even more cumbersome. This professional socializing, this networking, is really what has been getting to me from my experiences so far. By this point, I have been indoctrinated with the common expectations of how to look and what to do in these networking experiences, but of course when you are actually doing it there are things people really should have forewarned you about. Even though you are told to be an adult, adults also need to be told to be adults. Or they're just not sure what to do with you either. Or you don't know what to do with them. Or maybe all of the above. The situation already described previously with adults more concerned by their drinks than the students/alum is just some hard lessons to grasp. I have been ever self-conscious of not looking a mess while eating to not getting too drunk, yet people still do. I am still trying to find more witty responses to problematic open ended questions like to the question of "What do you want to do with that?" when I tell people my degree is in Environmental Studies. Being one of those seemingly rare people who care about the liberal arts more so for my personal educational philosophy, I am disappointed that the money my liberal arts alma mater spends on convincing parents who want their child to be able to get a job and to the rest of society that liberal arts degree is great has not been much bang for buck in main stream reputation. We are heading into the depths of the 21st century, and y'all are questioning what I want to do in a connotatively negative, questioning tone, like climate change is not setting the world on fire and simultaneously putting it under water? Maybe I am not helping the situation by my usual response that you can do many things with an Environmental Studies degree and I want to have a diverse career being in multiple fields at once. Conference behavior is amazing by the way. You thought people really only looked at phones and/or laptops, didn't pay attention to anything the person who is speaking is saying, and/or talking while the speaker is during their youth? They also do it when they are not as young (if not currently on the younger side), during all types of settings, including in workshops, meetings, and talks across the world. Really messy y'all, really messy.

With some situations, I continue to say I am a recent grad still months after graduation as I felt I have not done anything too significant since that achievement. Well that, and with very little traditionally professional experience I am wearily making my way back to academia for grad school. Where academic networking events are a little bit easier for me and the bribery of food is always there. More seriously, it is the really the main thing around my situation that has as some malleable leverage to make networking easier. Possible reduced prices, young professional geared networking events, conversation starters, etc. Ever socially affirmed, my recent grad status was met with the congratulations even up to late winter following me walking across the stage. These responses intrigued me as I ambivalently wanted to be far away from being fresh out the yard to meet those 4 years experience for entry level to also trying to stall adulthood as this adulting continues to be fun(-ish) and not fun at the same time. At this point I may have to continue making up words to fully flush out my feelings.

This professional socializing is an art I clearly have yet to master. Really this is all that this networking is, especially with the contexts of what I already mentioned of network coming out basic societal associations. It can be everyday interactions, just leveraged at some point in career. Or the intentional gaining of new associates to continue building a network with, continuously even. A very modernized habit it has become though. Hence, networking-ish, since pretty much mundane or non-professional events are becoming more co-opted by societal pressures to always get a head in the labor market. To have speed dating and speed networking, swiping left or right for one night stands or mentors, we may have soon a networking reality show if some can structure it to get the ratings.

You really cannot talk about modern professional socializing with out LinkedIn. It is literally, professional networking plus social media equaling professional socializing that is LinkedIn, or whatever this platform is supposed to be. When I first encountered LinkedIn I did not fully understand its revolutionary impacts in professional world until I had to use it with college grad desperation.

When I was younger, I had the typical preteen/teenage experience of hearing my peers talk about social media and begging my parents for a while to join in on the fun. Finally getting my with, I interacted with my peers and family in my crazy youth making consist amount of cringe-worthy posts. Then, I happened by LinkedIn as a unaware bystander, not even realizing that it was the "adult version" of social media. One of the adults in my contacts, as I theorize, must had just got into the LinkedIn wave and used the add all contacts as I was sent a LinkedIn email from them to join and connect with their profile. I doubt they intentionally sent me an email to join them as a connect as I was way too young then to be thought about for the purpose of networking. Me being myself, I created an account to see what it was all about. I realized that I was too young to start using LinkedIn but some how had enough sense to save the account for later use as I thought it would be a great "grown-up" tool to have later on. When high school was coming to an end I went back into the account to fill out my profile more and start beefing it up for the ever near start of my career. By the end of senior year LinkedIn had really caught on as a move to make, and some of my other classmates made one. I even utilized LinkedIn for social media marketing work for my internship during the summer after graduation, before starting fall semester of college. Through out college I learned more about LinkedIn through usage and my college's career development center. I added more connections, joined more LinkedIn groups, reached out to alumni on various occasions, continued to update my profile with pictures and more material. I learned quite a bit and I'm really learning more now. You can say LinkedIn was one of my more successful ventures with great results at the end of four years of stress and tears.

As LinkedIn continues to update its services and I have increased my usage, I've been learning all types of tricks. For an example, at an event someone showed me how to use the QR-code scan feature of the LinkedIn app to easily connect to someone's profile. I know there are classes out there on LinkedIn so, they are definitely worth some time. I have been exploring the trending and hash tag functions, reading the "trending" topics on LinkedIn and seeing how they may differ from Facebook. The "one-click" LinkedIn button, seeing company data, staff connections, and etc., have been amazing and interesting when applying for jobs. Indeed has this in a way, the difference being besides the branding, is the level of detail I have worked on having in my LinkedIn profile being put to use in multiple ways after years of up-keeping. Knowing when recruiters stalk your pages every week, to go from appearing 50+ times in a search in a week, to 3 recruiter views, and the possible reach out to your messages is the ever nerve wrecking process of getting someone to follow you like any other social media platform. Still the applying to hundreds of jobs for one interview concept still applies to the current job market no less. Seeing, and writing articles, commenting, posting, and all the likes on the public forum of LinkedIn to get more profile stalks from old acquaintances to people you may want to build future opportunities can be exhausting and gets old really quick (for me at least). And all of this can be boosted with LinkedIn Premium, which you get that lovely free trial to swiftly paying the monthly fee and more if you obtain other LinkedIn services/levels. Really, I am truly a broke recent grad. I didn't have money to burn in college, and I definitely don't now. I was able to afford LinkedIn premium for a little bit, but it can become hefty as other bills mount. Now and then I get the annual free trials or the seasonal 2 for 1 discounted rates. I wish companies had discounts for recent grads like those lovely college student discounts. Just because I graduated doesn't me I don't want freebies and have a high five figure salary that everybody keep saying I should have to pay the serious expenses and student loans based on my quarter of a million dollar education.

As much as LinkedIn has been useful, it has been somewhat unsettling. The public default is interesting, though understandable for the professional platform, but still interesting. Especially when considering how someone can view connections, the connections of others, and seeing who in your network works where. Of course their are some privacy settings, like locking down parts of your profile only to connections, posts to only connections, etc. I know I have been strict with my own direct connections, and rarely connect with people with out significant interaction. LinkedIn is very interesting that there are benefits from people get to see a list of your activities and interactions on the platform. Getting to see others' connections, finding common networks and activities, and so forth could create new opportunities and collaborations. The ability to generally track your stalkers on LinkedIn with the who viewed your profile ability, or be the stalker yourself induces broadening self-awareness on this supposedly professional site. As long as people don't have the private or recruiter function on, unlike other social media sites, you know who is stalking you in an upfront and intentional manner. Knowing that you will know that they are checking your profile out, you decide whether or not to stalk them back. Usually you decide to do so. Such as times when I overthink a person's possible thought or response when I look at their profile, and try to guess the chain reaction of such actions. Of course all of this is going on with the standard unsettling dynamics that is present with other social media platforms. And like other platforms, the numbers game is really real with LinkedIn. The trying to get likes, views, and more can be maddening.

More and more this "professional platform" has increasingly attained general social media elements to it, some on a professional take to how they are executed. You know those Instagram Photos, and those my life is great Facebook posts have mirrored themselves as the fun office photos, great head-shots, professional outing stories, great professional milestone updates, and whatever other shallow interactions you can think of. Then you have the honest stories and pleas, which seems to particularly manifest in career development stories or help finding a job for the LinkedIn versions. Of course, you have the LinkedIn influencers and heavily well known followed companies and pages as the social media stars for this platform. And like other platforms, various types of content will go viral. I'm interested to see how much more LinkedIn evolves over time, especially in comparison with the general social media field. All social media platforms have drawbacks, and they all with their own setups that can create some unique negatives specific to themselves.

What has really been surprising is some of the informal, "non-professional" language and grammar on here that can be seen on other social media platforms. Seeing frequent complainants by people saying that LinkedIn is turning into Facebook than rather a professional platform is hilarious, since I feel a majority of the users who do it are the individuals who grew up without the internet and/or social media. There are some straight out unprofessional comments you could find. Also the usually harassing and threats. For US based posting and news, political comments have become more abundant on here, but it may have an increasingly international flair now with different countries' current events as well as globalism being so prominent now. I do have thoughts about professionalism, who are the ones who get to set the standard and what is set as unprofessional, but yet again that is for another piece as this one is already paragraphs on paragraphs long. I have also seen posts about people complaining about other people trying to slide into their direct messages trying to get a hook up, and I am just glad that has not happened to me as of now. Along with other platforms, there are probably a plethora of other social media interaction issues between people that really just look out of place on a platform that is geared toward the professional world.

As you can tell by my tone of writing I do not necessarily adhere to the strict ways of speaking in professional standards, whatever those elusive standards are any way. I am trying to find the "authentic" parts of my professionalism. Really, I don't want reflect any type of fakeness on this platform, but I know as of now that I am not fully where I want to be in that regard. I will continue to feel my way around to find some type of balance that I am happy with, even thought I feel like this is one of those things that evolve over one's career. Yes being my authentic, yet professional self. Whatever that is.

When I was younger, I may have been oblivious to the many dynamics that came with in-person networking. Between noticing adult behavior and not keeping up with others as I should (which keeping up with others is just a general issue), I probably did not exhibit the best practices of networking sometimes, but I hope to think I have gotten better with practice. Hopefully anyway. As I have tried to make clear, networking really has me feeling some type of way. And part of the issue that has been increasingly clear to me is the issue of me feeling like myself and my need to feel genuine while networking. A LinkedIn trending topic not too long ago, revolved around a new revelation to the "be yourself advice". Apparently being your "professional self" and having it being "authentic" is more effective than truly being yourself. Go figures. With all this contradictive advice floating in the atmosphere and my idealistic thoughts, it has been hard reflecting and resolving my issues around authenticity.

My issues of authenticity has grown as my reckless youth gradually grew to recognizing the complicated dynamics of the professional world. With my intersection of minority identities, I feel a heightened awareness as I navigate the professional world that gives me more hurdles to navigate on top of the already booby-trapped field. They day of graduation (or rehearsal or one of those days), us graduates walked through our line and at the end stated what we had planned after graduation (to the poor ones who did not find a job yet and had to be reminded during graduation, I hope they found something shortly after and weren't too trauamtized) and received a lovely business portfolio folder from our career development staff. I, of course, thought it was cheesy and a gimmick. Then I got checked by reality as it became one of my go-to items that I managed to bring out of my disastrous graduation move out. I had to use it for my internship and was for the very first time using legal pads for legitimate, professional purposes. I still use portfolio folders to this day. I question if I will continue to use this type of folder and for whom I am using it? I am fine with notebooks, and pads, and whatever else you can think up. I am also fine with making use of what ever is provided for me, which maybe why I have used the portfolios so much. It was free, already in possession, and pushed by my way. Key word free. So who and what dictates what to use when? I continue to have my thoughts swirl around these professional tensions.

Among other skills, I am not great about is selling myself. Which I find interesting because some of the opportunities I have been reached out about were sales positions. I have gone over the every popular training to describe my strengths and my weaknesses, and have my baseline of interests and skills (to a degree, but that is another conversation on top of all the other conversations that need to happen) too many times. In this capitalistic society, everything has to be worth something and I am over the point of always having to prove, sell, convince, about anything and everything. If I can give a clear and logical argument, why can't people go off that? Why do people need to be gimmick-ed, persuaded, and advertised relentlessly? I just don't like feeling pushed to prove a point, when the point is already proven. I really want to focus on finding a true genuine culture fit, not having to over pitch myself especially if I already have a solid skill set for whatever I am trying to do.

A strong network could negate some of these issues. People I have developed solid relationships with along the way have been wonderful. So the dreaded and unfortunate "not what you know, it is who you know" may have some substance to it. So instead of just running around gathering business cards to barely look at, I am trying to double down with in my network to strengthen it, and grow it in better, more intentional manner. Retention is key, as I am a person who really would not mind burning a few bridges and not caring about these situations, along with my unintentional neglect of relationships. Yet, I have grown ever more patient in action to light the bridge burning fire as I am weary of the uncertainty of having to work with people I never want to interact with still in some near to distant future, no matter how valid my feelings. This is on top of my already expressed feelings of having a difficult time keeping up with people that I strongly want to maintain relationships with now. Woe to my every socially awkward self.

Well, I guess I'm going to end by saying networking is really something, to the point that this article is college paper long versus the short article I intended it to be (along with the rest of the series). So I am wondering how my third part of this series will turn out since it is really up in my feelings on top of being months behind on my intended schedule. I guess taking this much time is helping bringing clarity to my thoughts, and helping me figure out the mess that are my sentiments toward professional life.

Regardless, I know I still have a lot of work to do. I want my networking experience to be less awkward interactions and me just stuffing my face with food hoping I don't get something stuck in my teeth. I have been working on my skills since I started writing all of this, so I would like to say I have made some type of progress. Maybe one day I could hold some networking events myself and organize them in a way that addresses the problems I have. I seriously need to work on my professional self, and that I know I am going to have to take the time to really figure out. Besides networking, finding the authentic yet still professional (whatever professional means) relates to my own self in general as well as how people would see me and my work professionally. I hope in the near future to really start tackling this, and maybe change society's ways along my career journey. If anyone has some starting suggestions let me now. If you feel like sharing similar young professional stories with me feel free to use #broke2broke to reflect how it is not easy graduating into the mess that the is the current state of the world.

Well Part 2 was an excruciatingly long monologue on networking, while Part 3 will definitely be more about dealing with the internal hardships as young professional. Thank you, yet again, to James Alford for inking up one of the later drafts of this piece. Unlike the waiting period between part one and this part two, I really working on cranking Part 3 right behind this one so stay tuned. Hopefully at least I broke down the picture equation of my title photo: Myself plus people I know/have met + People I don't know/have not met plus Free food (and other free things) plus Continuous Awkward Actions On My Part To Connect With Other equals Networking.

#collegegrad #millennial #genZ #recentgrad #postgrad #broke2broke #networking #youngprofessional #professionalsocializing #authenticity