marital rape

I want to discuss a really, very hard but very important matter that calls much more attention to marital rape. Many people shun the thing away from themselves through the thorny issues of marriage, consent, law, and powerful cultural beliefs. It is, in fact, an uncomfortable topic, but we should not shy away from it all because this influences many women, and just a few others even know that this is a problem, too.

 

Yeah, I’ve heard bits and pieces about it over the years, but I’ve got to admit, it still shocks me that in 2024, there are places where it’s not even considered a crime. Like, how does that happen? How is that still a thing when we’re supposed to be so progressive and protective of human rights?

 

 And it blows my mind, too. Even though above 50 countries worldwide have recognized marital rape as a crime, it is often not punished or ignored even where it is more legally forbidden. India is a typical example. In India, a man can lawfully rape his wife if she is over 15 years; such a case is not treated as a crime. It makes a lot of people go back and forth with this view. Many women get no legally protected rights at all. Worst, it is not even seen as a problem in many places. Some see it as a 'private matter' or a 'conjugal duty.'

 

Now, if a girl gets married early, can her husband legally force her to have intercourse with him because they are husband and wife?

 

If she is over 15, she cannot be raped as per the law. And that is only one country. In many parts of the world, people do not view marital rape as a problem because they believe the fact of being married gives men automatic rights over the bodies of their wives. What is more scary is the cultural attitudes. Society thinks the wife must gratify her husband's needs at any cost. If she says no, they believe that she doesn't do her 'wifely duties' rather than a violation of her freedom.

 

 

 It just feels like the women who are defrauded are stripped bare of control over their bodies, and the law just turns a blind eye.

 

 Well, its history is long because, legally speaking, it was for years legitimate to regard women as the property of their husbands. This idea that a woman can control her body in marriage is very recent if viewed from the point of legal rights. To understand this idea in greater detail, let me give you a bit of history that came from a 17th-century English judge named Sir Matthew Hale. He wrote that when a woman agrees to marry, she consentingly yields to have sexual intercourse with him for life. He asserts that she can never say no. That is why in many modern legal systems, especially in erstwhile British colonies, the rules about marital rape make provision for some exceptions.

 

It transcends really old laws. It already becomes an ingrained belief that it's no longer your body when you get married. So, how do we start to set that kind of damage straight?

 

It took so long to implement the changes. Feminist movements of the 1960s and '70s contributed in their way. Before that, marital rape was something that was legally 'okay' almost all over the place. In the United States, only in 1993 did all 50 states have laws against it, but even then some saw it as not nearly as serious as nonmarital rape. It was considered a 'family matter' rather than a crime. In some states, spouses could only be prosecuted only if the act of rape involved a great deal of bodily violence that was not a requirement in the case of rape, not within marriages. Till then, it had become illegal only in the 1990s. They made it difficult to punish if the person was married too. Should rape be less, considering whatever was the relationship?

 

It should be, but the law has not acknowledged that for a long time. And in some areas, it doesn't to this day. South Carolina, for instance. Even today, their laws require 'excessive force' to prosecute marital rape. Not enough if the wife says she did not consent. She must demonstrate that the force or violence used against her was grossly extreme. It is ridiculous and evidence of this doctrinal interpretation of wives owing their husband's sex. Consent should be given for every single instance. Marriage would not take this basic right away, yet it still does in so many places and cultures. People believed a wife should obey and cater to the husband's needs. And it isn't even in conservative cultures. Even here in the so-called modern world, this idea stays. Women who say no to sex are branded not to be 'good wives,' and this is justified through religion and popular culture. Ah, that shows how much control is involved. Marital rape, as you said, has got nothing to do with closeness or love-it has got everything to do with control and power. It's one person's feeling that they can take whatever they want from their partner regardless of the other person is feelings about it.

 

Marital rapes have been documented in studies as part of a larger issue of domestic abuse. This is rarely in isolation. Often, it is part of a cluster of other forms of physical, emotional, or financial control. The husband is hardly after the sex; it's the all-encompassing control of every element of the wife's life. Too often, the use is instrumental- as a form of punishment and to deflate the wife's self-esteem. It's not just the act but what it represents- total loss of control for the woman, as not only is she being hurt physically, but this also gets emotional and mental. She is reminded that she has no power or voice in the matter.

 

This is why marital rape bears traumatizing effects. Most women who have suffered from marital rape tend to have such enormous psychological effects, among them depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The betrayal feels much worse when the abuse is coming from a person they should trust and love. These women become caught in a cycle of violence because they live in a society where divorce is frowned upon or even difficult to get. If they leave, they may lose everything, from their children to their finances and dignity within society. That is the saddest part. Where little importance is given to this problem, the choices for women are limited. Even those who manage to escape do not know where to go. Shelters may not have enough money or facilities or may be far from where they live, rendering it too costly or impractical. Legal systems in many countries are sometimes not fair to them. Quite often, even their own families will not help them if they try to leave their husbands because of the shame attached to divorce.

 

What about them? How much about the statistics of the incidence of marital rape internationally?

 

 

It is challenging to get exact numbers due to the magnitudes of underreporting. But, as per a World Health Organization report, in certain countries, almost 30% of women have experienced some kind of sexual violence from an intimate partner or from their husband, which is called marital rape. In the U.S., estimates of how many married women have been raped by their husbands at some point during their marriage range from 10% to as high as 14%. These numbers are probably much higher because many women either do not report it or do not perceive it as rape because of issues around culture or socialization.

It is beginning to be discussed in some communities, but it remains a big taboo. For instance, in most African countries like Nigeria, legislation changes are only gaining popularity, and most of the countries still apply the ancient norms. Most traditional societies view marriage as a contract that cannot be freely canceled, wherein the wife has to perform her "obligations," which means to provide sex. Even if a woman does talk, many do not believe her or say she must serve her husband regardless of her views. In high HIV prevalence in African countries, such as Lesotho, marital rape greatly contributes to the spread of the virus since this is a deeply placed problem and is believed to be hard to solve. Most often, women feel that they cannot refuse their husbands even if they are aware of their health being in danger.

 

And let me guess—the legal system isn't much help either?

 

Ah. Even in most areas where they are included in law books, they are not appropriately enacted; in some countries, although marital rape is illegal, the police do not even study it, and the courts don't take any action. They treat it as a 'private affair' and not a crime. In a few regions, the notion that a husband can commit rape on his wife is quite odd. It's hard to prove in court because the laws assume marriage means permanent consent. There are countries where judges have clearly said things like, 'She's his wife so that he can have sex with her.' And that's the way people think about it. HOST 2: And then, even with laws on paper, really nothing protects anybody. It seems pretty indifferent. That is too scary. Is anything happening to change this? Are there global movements struggling to implement or reform some of these laws?

 

 

Yes, Organizations like the United Nations and Amnesty International have advocated for change. In 1993, the UN issued a declaration known as the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women. This Declaration states that violence in the home, including marital rape, is an infringement of human rights. That document marked a historical point, for governments were obligated to realize that it's not a question of private character- it's a public affair and must be addressed. Since then, advocacy has been happening in every corner of the world. In most places, groupings have been working for law changes, better police enforcement, and protection for the victims.

 

 It’s good to hear that progress is being made. But I’m guessing it’s not happening fast enough.

 

Not even close. And indeed, in some countries, good changes have been seen: Namibia made marital rape a crime in 2000, then Zimbabwe followed in 2001, but the pace of movement is slow. It's tough, for many cases are not simply fighting old laws. You are up against strong cultural attitudes about what the roles of both genders, marriage, and family are supposed to be. In parts of the world where marriages are still conservative, the concept of a wife having the right to deny her husband is relatively recent and even jarring-even viewed almost as an attack on the very fabric of the family system. This makes legal reform challenging but not impossible.

 

In fact, how do these movements succeed in changing people's minds? It indeed seems like education should be an important component of such a huge change.

 

Proper education is the way forward. Anyway, it's all right to change the law in a country, but changing a country's thinking and mindset is big. One of the very first things is to educate the younger generation to respect and consent to relationships. If boys and girls learn that consent is sought every time, be they ever married or not, then only then beliefs may change for the better. But we cannot stop here in the classroom. We should also involve the whole community, including adults because these ideas flow from generation to generation.

 

Right. You’ve got to reach the parents too, not just the kids. So how does that work? Are there any programs that focus on educating adults?

 

Some are very much there but way behind time. Many community programs teach men and women what they deserve in a marriage. "Some people don't even know that what's happening to them is abuse.". For example, memorize the lines for accepting marital rape by giving consent through intercourse. Some of this training is that individuals should know what this type of relationship entails and the healthy and unhealthy behaviors. NGOs and all such groups are working in this area. They seek relief through workshops, discussions, and awareness campaigns, which local religious leaders or community elders generally organize to eliminate the concept of forced intercourse within marriage. It should be disputed to those beliefs. Such changes adversely affect the old style of life and occur in many unfavorable ways for many communities; for example, in some religious groups, it is assumed that the head of the house is the husband, and a wife should be submissive. Therefore, talking about marital rape puts it in harmony with the natural order of things. Some people believe that if wives can say no to sex, families will collapse; it is far from the truth, but those beliefs are strong.

 

It sounds like a lot of unlearning has to happen first. So, maybe that is the step where media plays a role. Movies, TV shows, and even social media can change minds, too.

 

Exactly. A big part is the media. See, when these issues like domestic violence or marital rape are put into films, TV, or even celebrity activism, it opens avenues for an important conversation. Social media has changed everything. Women are now more empowered to share their experiences, and their voices can resonate through millions of ears. It is a way of breaking the silence and stigma associated with it. It makes one realize: 'Hey, this does not happen only to me. This also happens to others, and it isn't right.

 

That's the big challenge. Areas, in communities or families for whatever reason, where internet access may not be readily available may have blocked women's information, which would be quite tough. Therefore, local efforts are very important. At times, it involves going from house to house, taking them to hidden places where they can be reached without fear of reprisal. Sometimes, it means an alliance with local health employees who could sensitize women even as they undergo their routine check-ups or community health programs. It is not easy, but still doable. Tackle the problem on both sides. What about the law? What more can the government do on behalf of the safety of women?

 

Governments have a big job to ensure that laws are created and followed. It's not good enough to say, 'Okay, marital rape is illegal.' There need to be systems to support the victims- everything from police teams specialized in dealing with domestic and sexual violence matters to shelters to lawyers willing to take on the cause of women who want to leave abusive marriages. It is also about the education of judges and lawyers to take such cases seriously. Law-enforcement officials in most countries do not treat women who report marital rape credibly or amicably.

 

Okay. So, even with all these laws, so much work is still being done. That's, for example, in areas, which include India or Kenya, where rape in marriage isn't fully criminalized; the government has a role to play and must make amendments. Governments have a responsibility to ensure that laws are implemented when there is a law. It's not simply about punishing the person who did wrong; it's about creating a system that helps the victim during every phase, from telling about the crime to receiving legal and emotional support. And what about the world community? What part does it play in pushing for change?

 

 International pressure is very important. When countries join global groups like the United Nations, they are often under obligation to follow several human rights rules set by such groups. Such a situation forces international organizations to make the nation do even better to protect women, and all sanctions, trade agreements, and foreign aid come to life in promoting human rights. In 2012, the UN was indeed talking about violence against women, publicly defamation labeling those countries that failed to address the issues. Such pressure sparks change.

 

So, is it about holding governments accountable on a global stage? And we’re seeing more and more of that. Countries are starting to realize that they can’t ignore this issue forever. It’s not just a ‘women’s issue’—it’s a human rights issue. When half your population isn’t safe, that affects everything: your economy, social fabric, and future. Governments realized today that the protection of women against all sorts of violence, such as marital rape, was a very significant step toward progress.

 

Anyway, I feel that we are in the right direction. Now, what about the men's role? How do you penetrate the men's world and approach them to participate in this conversation?

 

That is correct. And men must be part of the solution. They are always seen as the causative agents. Yet, at the same time, they are powerful aiders in changing the culture of consent in marriage. That's a big deal when men speak out against marital rape because it goes against the notion that somehow this is only a woman's issue. Men would then have an obligation to point out bad male behavior at first sighting, teach their sons about consent, and help the women in their lives who may be facing this. For example, in South Africa, there are programs regarding educating men on gender-based violence and how they can help it stop. It's making them realize this is their battle as well. The more men become involved, the faster things will change. It's just about breaking the cycle.

 

And suppose we can once finally convince men that forcing sex upon their partner is never acceptable. In that case, we will begin to see cultural alterations no matter the situation. That certainly won't happen overnight, but it may well happen. Such examples are already seen in places like Rwanda and Uganda, where community leaders-including men-are on the front line against violence based on gender. It feels like we are gaining ground but still have much to do. What can ordinary individuals do? Not everyone can go on the streets or speak to politicians. How do individuals affect change in their daily lives?

 

You can do much. First, learn more and spread it amongst your others. Talk to friends, family, and generally the community in such matters. Do not be shy about talking to them about consent and respect in relationships. Volunteer your time or give to organizations in efforts to take the act of marital rape off the statute books in different jurisdictions. If a friend or acquaintance is a rape victim of marital violence or any form of domestic abuse, stand with them.  Listen to them, support them, and help connect them with resources.

 

It just makes sense. It's just a way of raising awareness and creating a support system for those going through it. The more talk there is about it, the harder it is for society to ignore it. You cannot pretend it's not the case when people on your street talk about it. Nobody talks; it's a problem. How much more do we have to talk so that pressure is put on governments, communities, and individuals to do something? It starts with conversations like this one. We cannot wait for things to get better if we don't realize that there's a problem.

 

I’m really glad we’re having this conversation. It is hard to talk about, but it has to be said. I hope that further people will wake up to the reality that marital rape is such a massive issue harming millions of women worldwide. We ought not to regard it as a matter of private concern and recognize it for what, in reality, it is: a violation of human rights. That's all for today. Thanks so much for taking time out to converse with me. I wish everyone watching learned something from this and helped spread awareness. We should speak more about this and force the change.

 

Thanks, everybody, for watching, and remember that change, first and foremost, begins with awareness. If you are a victim or if someone you care about is a victim of abuse, reach out for help. Resources are there and there for you.