Guest Post

Divorce is a painful experience for all, particularly children of divorced parents. As a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure your children feel supported as they navigate the changes and emotions that come with divorce.

And with the divorce rate being at 42% (2021) many children find themselves growing up between two households, which can be very stressful for the child to endure. According to research recorded in the World Psychiatry journal, ‘parental divorce/separation is associated with an increased risk for child and adolescent adjustment problems, including academic difficulties. Offspring of divorced/separated parents are also more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour, live in poverty, and experience their own family instability.’

So, if you are a parent going through a separation or divorce, you’ll probably be using specialist children law solicitors, but in the heat of divorce, things can get distracted. One of the most important ways to support your child is by reassuring them. Let them know that their feelings are valid, that what they are experiencing is normal, and most importantly, that the divorce is not their fault. Remind them of how much you both love them, and avoid blaming or speaking negatively about the other parent. This can help reduce the stress and guilt they may feel, as children often experience pressure to take sides during a divorce.

But how can you further support your child as they navigate through the changes brought about by your divorce?

A tumultuous relationship with your ex-partner can further complicate your child’s grieving process, making it even harder for them to navigate their emotions. They might blame you, get angry with you or even decide they want nothing to do with you and/or their other parent.

To protect their grieving process, make sure that you do not assume that your children feel the same way as you and agree with the steps you have taken.

Make your children feel like they are in a safe space if they want to share how they feel. However, don’t pressure them to or dismiss their feelings when they express how they feel.

And don’t try to ‘fix’ their problems or push your children to move on before they are ready. This is so your child knows that they can talk to you about how they are feeling without judgment or having to worry about making you feel bad.

Instead, put your child’s needs first by working on being emotionally ready. Emotional readiness is all about acknowledging how you feel so you are able to put aside any negative thoughts and feelings you may have about your ex-spouse.

Prioritise self care and seek support from family and friends outside your children, pursuing therapy to better understand how you are feeling. The emotions you feel may be valid but they should not interfere with how you respond to your children.

It is important to learn how to manage your emotions and so you are able to respond kindly and respectfully when addressing how your children feel.

As much as possible try to prioritise your children having a normal routine, so they have some stability in their life. While co-parenting may require adjustments to the routine, ensure that any new arrangements work for your child and are manageable for them. Wherever possible, maintain consistency in key aspects of their life, such as attending the same school, keeping the same friends, and minimising disruptions to their schedule.

To create a normal routine for your children, be sure to plan out the routine in advance for essential activities like meal times, school, extracurricular activities, and bedtimes. But be sure to remain flexible as there will be days when the routine is disrupted.

If possible, maintain open communication with your ex-spouse about co-parenting to ensure you are both on the same page regarding your children’s new schedule. Involve your children in the process of creating this routine to make it work for them, not just for you. Consistency is key to establishing a schedule that both parents can adhere to, providing a sense of security and stability as they navigate this new season in their lives.

To establish a normal routine and to maintain open communication with your ex-spouse consider consulting professionals such as these solicitors in Ipswich who can guide you through the process, ensuring the best possible outcomes for your family while prioritising your children’s well-being.

Divorce is a very difficult process for families and children to go through, especially when it comes to unaddressed feelings and thoughts. The uncertainty and instability brought on by divorce can leave children feeling insecure and unsure about the future. To help your child navigate this transition and overcome the struggles they may face, you might consider seeking child and family therapy.

Therapy provides children with a safe and neutral space to express their feelings about the divorce, free from the worry of hurting or disappointing either parent.

With the right support, therapy can make a significant difference in your child’s life. It equips them with coping strategies, helps improve their self-esteem, and builds the resilience they need to thrive through this difficult time.

Supporting your children as they navigate this challenging new period of their lives is one of the most important roles you will take as a parent. Divorce can be very difficult for the children who might not get the opportunities or time to grieve the loss of their former family unit.

Be patient and understanding, giving them the space to heal at their own pace while providing reassurance of your love and support. Understand that their feelings about your divorce might not be the same as yours and that it is ok.

Creating a stable routine for your children is key to bringing about a sense of normality and security during this period of change.

To further support your children, consider encouraging them to pursue counselling or therapy. These resources can provide them with essential tools to process their emotions, build resilience, and move forward knowing they have the right support to navigate this challenging time.