Equinox: insights after a heartbreak
Mariané Mora
The power of words as the materialization of thought and the particle that creates reality is probably my most important life principle.
There are words that resonate within the walls of the skull and give rise to regrets, and I do not deny that there are others that you said that were antiseptic honey for my wounds. "There is no turning back from the spoken word," said Horace some 2000 years ago; it is one of the first phrases related to this principle that I have been excavating day by day. I read it in 2018 and still keep it among my notes.
I am holding my heart like sand due to the new cracks that have caused it to crumble. In a subsequent way, due to a burst of ego, unrecognizable gestures and unknown words have punctured me, filling me with holes that ended up emptying the hope that has cost me so much to hold onto.
It was a very individual fact, but one that inevitably led me to rethink everything in collective, global, and humanitarian terms. Because ultimately, the human experience repeats itself cyclically, in each person with small and special variations, but in essence the same.
I have lost faith each of these mornings, I have been in my bed more than I would like but my body hurts from the inside out, and I have not been able to do anything else but lie down, doze off, and avoid the reality of what is happening. And even so, I cannot help but dream of you.
And to let go is the lesson. To let go of that refuge we found in the person we love, the warmth and peace of the arms we approach to share our good and bad moments: "Today I read this and it reminded me of that other thing I told you about, and it also connects with this dream about..." or "I fought with ________ for the thousandth time, but this seems like a very definitive break." The fading of that refuge built from the reflection of both of us confuses me and exposes me to the elements; it's time to rebuild everything again.
But you are not alone, for the first time you have the certainty that there are beings who listen to you and strengthen you with their love, the love that you have been building together over the years. Before it was impossible for me, and now I have been able to talk about the damage caused by others without feeling that it is my fault, that I should have known, that I should have foreseen it, that I should not have trusted, nor let it pass, nor...
When I have shared this with Andrea, she said to me: "What you mention at the end about ego dominating the world and that's why love is so scarce, is very important. This has to convince us to keep believing that the love we emanate has an even stronger impact because it helps counteract that hate." Thank you for the wisdom of those words, my heart.
Meanwhile, the universe brought the equinox. Half the earth in shadow and the other half in light. The ritual was very simple, lighting a white candle, a symbol of that illuminated half that allows us to see through the darkness. And from the words I channeled with the light of the flame shining, these are some of them:
I remind myself that naivety and vulnerability, confused in this world with weakness, is what makes me more than a human body. The ability to perceive the world from the intensity of my emotions, through a pure and kind heart, is what reminds me of why I am alive.
I was born to love, that is my gift and the way I serve the world. The abundance I experience is created from openness to give and receive without expectations, because there is the certainty that everything returns multiplied under unimaginable forms, immaterial or material, always just what we need to continue our path. The only indispensable thing is an open heart, which does not fear what will happen tomorrow and today decides to give its best, in this moment, in this present.
Our ancestors went through famine and cold; the human being lived incalculable time in the total darkness of the night, relying only on the light of the moon, which would disappear once a month; then on that of fire, which could be extinguished with the slightest carelessness or set ablaze and destroy everything; and so on, consecutively, so that today we could be here, reading and writing this same thing. All that experience accumulates in our DNA, it is natural to feel fear and need. But we are already in another era, one in which, aware of it, we can talk about it, analyze it, separate it from the reality we live now.
We have built other forms of life, millions of years of transformations and ruptures so that today we can focus on loving, not just surviving. We no longer have to compete to see who lives and who does not, what today has degraded into who has or can, and who does not.
There is space for everyone, it only requires honoring that space to share in harmony.
I believe that the human being will come to understand the meaning of their path, that they will not wander eternally until their total destruction. I choose to believe that we can evolve every day into more conscious and less egocentric beings. That those who still live in survival mode will find peace. That those who have been forced to survive by the ambition of others who have stripped them of everything, will be able to rise up. That our descendants will live in harmony with themselves, that they will not have to bear our fears, impositions, or limitations. I trust that at this precise moment there are beings who are redeeming themselves and their entire lineage, creating from the whispers of the spirit. That the leaders of war, hate, and possession will fall by themselves. And we will be free.
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Posted May 12, 2023
A writing in search of hope after losing the love of home. Broken hearts take you to dark places but you can always light a candle
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