The Peacock Has Nothing On A Tuk-Tuk Passenger

Living in one of the most populated countries in the world teaches you a thing or two about collectivism; mostly that personal space is an ambitious philosophical concept. One could argue it is similar to being exposed to radiation, only difference being that the former is more potent, so much so that the radioactive elements may rejoice at one’s short shelf-life, much to one’s detriment or happiness depending on their volunteering experience with varying schools of philosophy.

Today, we will be dissecting the art of attracting a Tuk-Tuk in the wild, with a motivation of a forensic scientist identifying mystery stains on the bed of a shady motel by the petrol bunk - uncomfortably, but with prying eyes of an unintentional voyeur.

We have all seen how fishes and birds turn into Picasso and Rembrandt in order to attract worthy women/ mates. Collectivist human beliefs state that males of humankind, buy flowers as a gesture of honour for the females they are attracted towards. The Bowerbirds however have a ritual of building an IKEA showroom to attract mature females. Nothing screams adulthood like being attracted to new furniture and interior decor, am i right or am i right?

Birds-of-Paradise on the other hand, fluff up their feathers and contort themselves like rumoured, possessed Paganini, performing dance routines to attract their female counterparts. A more relatable example to humans could be the mating rituals of a lizard perhaps - straight push-ups to impress females. Now, that it is observed, one may observe the uncanny connection to the premise of some conspiracy theories originating from some multi-CULTural groups, much to the disdain of many credible anthropologists.

Standing on a crowded road and morphing like different shapes of Tetris at different times to let carts, noisy cars, honking trucks and moody farm animals pass through, while staring down at your phone patiently trying to book a tuk-tuk is an underrated skill. Some science articles may have concluded that multiple-tasking is not possible. But, it maybe possible that their hypotheses may have been tested in situations that may not be exactly classified as… let’s say, ’challenging’. Some experiments may have been designed around preservation of crash dummies for future experiments possibly. This sentiment however resonates with the core of some indigenous collectivist principles optimising saving time and money at the cost of accuracy.

Suddenly during the Tetris adventure, a sudden ring on the phone may give one hope, hope that the app has finally graced them with a Tuk-Tuk; The driver akin to Mario, tossing hurdles of traffic like tossing Goombas, Piranhaas and Paratroopas to save Princess Peach. Every Tuk-Tuk that comes in your direction there-on resembles a waiter carrying delicacies and heading towards you with speed and intention, only to divert in the last moment to let you down with more delay. After much tug-of-war, the dreaded ping of doom lets you know your driver had just cancelled the ride within distance of few kilometers possibly because his home was on the way and his evening tea was more important.

Talking about Birds’ mating rituals, one cannot miss the dear Peacock, the national bird of this populous country. The colourful male counterparts, behold their colourful, flamboyant feathers, unfold their screen in a way that could never compare to the range of colors Mac’s Retina display could ever offer. They pose in all angles, much like asking the females - “do you like me from this angle?”, “this?”, “how about this?”, and call the females out loudly. Much to their excitement, the females decide to give them much thought and respect.

It is almost dusk and after much cancellation of rides, one’s sentiment may ask for a sudden revolution against the use of digital means to woo and persuade a tuk-tuk to drop one home. This is the moment, one’s inner peacock may arguably be on display. The flailing arms, the loud calls, the hand gestures much like birds may grab attention of many suitors, if i may; but the million dollar question is often whether the driver is convinced enough to stay.

While one may be on the verge of losing hope, just like a long lost relative discovered through 23&me, a speeding tuk-tuk comes and halts in front, much to one’s delight enquiring about the destination. The conventionally embarassing rituals seem to have worked, non?

Somewhere along the ride, one may realise that there maybe a potential for argument on the mode of payment, just like every third ride, but none can weigh it against the price of being on their home turf before night.

I am thoroughly convinced that a desperate tuk-tuk seeker is relatively more advanced in their approach and a peacock has nothing on them.

If you, as a reader, happen to disagree, i am curious to know your thoughts and you may attempt to convince me otherwise on the comment section!

Ciao!