You Are Never Alone

Life really has a way of just coming at you all at once, and the only thing you can do is embrace it. I’ve had a pretty busy last couple of months, what a year 2025 has been so far! I started a new job, joined new social clubs, and made some amazing friends. One could say I was close to having it all. I was right on the precipice of something greater, maybe finally having my path aligned for me where everything was finally going to click and make sense. I had a lot of blog ideas, that itch to write again.

And then it happened.

A beloved family friend, my “other” dad as my brother and I liked to call him, took his own life.

His name was and always will be Bob. He was an incredible man who would give you his entire world if you asked or he sensed you needed. A man with an incredible sense of humor, the one to always make you smile, to know you are so loved, and yet he was fighting demons no one could ever imagine. I feel like he was always sitting with this sort of sadness, one I can relate to, and sometimes when you are in that dark place you can’t imagine life being any other way. My world stopped. He was one of my mom’s closest, dearest friends. I was “the daughter he never had” in his own words. He has two wonderful sons of his own, but we were chosen family. He was always a staple in our lives. How do you go on when you’ve suddenly been suffocated, when all the oxygen in your world is gone?

You refuse to believe what happened, you see all the love and lives and smiles he left behind. He was everything to everyone, and the more I think, the more I fear he never found peace in finding someone who was everything to him. There is such a loneliness in the desire for a romantic connection, to be seen for you, fully. I just wrote about the meaning of life being love: to be loved, to love, and to be seen. Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are the backbone of human connection. We all desire it. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many friends you have, you still crave that deeper, romantic desire to be truly seen. It’s a pain I have felt my entire life, one that leads me to question many things, why things are the way they are, why we as humans live as we do. I have such a deep desire for it all to make sense, for truth, for learning.

It’s awakened a hunger I now realize might make me a bit of a mystic. Sometimes I think I think too much. But how do you move on after something so horrendous and sad? The world keeps spinning. The birds still sing. And you’re left with a void, a love you will never be able to replace. I think, at least for me, every action I take, every decision I end up making, I will always do in honor of Bob. It’s just harder to accept when, ultimately, this ending could have been avoidable. But sometimes, depression, loneliness, and sorrow swallow us whole where there is only one way out. So, if you come across this post at all, looking for guidance or advice, please ingrain in your mind, body, and spirit, you are never alone.

I know we as a society joke about it, think it’s too taboo, or just never bring up the topic at all. How are we supposed to advance, learn, and to be one with love and light, if we refuse to acknowledge the feelings we all feel as human beings? I wish no one ever had to feel alone, or too tired to want to continue at all. One of these past episodes of Hacks, Season 4 Episode 6, Ava had a line that broke me to my core. I’m not going to sum up the show, I just highly recommend you watch it. Ava said, “I’m not suicidal. I just wanna die!” My mom and I were laughing and crying because it came at the moment we were struggling with our own grief over Bob, a strange little cosmic joke, one of those moments where laughter and grief live in the same breath. Because sometimes, it’s true. It’s not like you’re going to harm yourself, it would just be easier if you ceased to exist. Maybe that’s not true for a majority of people, but being completely raw and honest, it’s been true for me sometimes. I’m a lot better now, no need to worry about me I promise! Life just has a way of being life that just tears you at your core.

If I know one thing, it’s that I know nothing at all. Writing is how I try to make sense of the things we may never understand. I’ll always be grieving. My family will always be grieving. There will be a part of me that never recovers. But my only solace is this: now I’m forcing Bob to watch over me and make sure only good things happen from here on out. It’s the least he could do!

All jokes aside, please remember: you are never alone. Ever.

It might feel like it. It might seem like there’s no other option. But I promise, things always, eventually, get better. Because that’s just how the world is.

Things are bad. Then they get good. Then not so good again.

And the cycle continues.

You are loved. You are never alone.

So please, take care of yourselves. Be kind to strangers. Lead your life with love.

Because love is the only real thing we have.