How will the End Find Me?

How will the end find me? It’s a sentence that may conjure a hospital. A person, lying in their light colored gown, staring up at the ceiling as they slowly drift off. It’s a question that hadn’t crossed my mind until I heard it spoken on a podcast. Immediately, I tried to answer it for myself, but drew a blank. Like most of us, I thought the end would come randomly, taking me away as it saw fit. I was powerless to this force because it is a sad fact of life. However, over the last couple years, pondering over this question; I’ve been able to give it a just answer.

Being educated meant I knew how the natural world function, which meant I understood what was the outcome of flagellation of the planet.

In my life time, I would be witness to wars over basic needs such as food and water. As warming increased, reservoirs would run dry, leaving millions to battle over what little water there would be. This would uproot tens of millions and undo society at a fundamental level.

All major economic output depends on easy access to the ocean. This is basic fact and has been the reasons nations have warred with each other. When the seas rose, wiping out these hubs of economic output, economies would crash. Land for agriculture would be destroyed, straining the resources of those that once worked that land. Food supplies would shrink, sending nations into chaos as their populations starved.

It’s easier to warm yourself up than to cool yourself off. There are so many layers one can remove before they are naked before the world. As heat waves devastated swaths of the planet, energy resources would be strained, unreliable, or unable to meet the needs of average people trying to escape the harsh heat. All of this would cause people to lose their homes because the area was no longer habitable.

Around the world, nations are tackling immigration. Governments have fallen and risen because the people were unhappy with the immigration policy. When large swaths of the planet become uninhabitable, a great migration will befall nations. There will be too many people moving to cooler climates, for those northern nations to handle. Fights and wars will break out as order is established. Millions will die because we have destroyed our home.

The scenarios above have been something that has been drummed into the minds of everyone on this planet. For the young, It has created nihilism and pessimists who see humanity as a cancer upon the planet.

Portions of the population have given up on the future because the future is doomed. Alcohol, depravity, pleasure; every dionysion action have been the values of younger and younger generations. Anger has accompanied their nihilistic worldview. Can they be blamed? They see a future that was stolen from them and so, retribution is the only course of action.

Until recently, I subscribed to this view. How dare I strive for anything meaningful. How dare I bring children into this world. They will only further its degradation. I accepted all of this. The outcome was apathy and pleasure.

Fast food, until I ballooned to over two hundred pounds. An addiction that drained me of relationships and money. Stimulation that delayed my need for a romantic partner. How would the end find me? Lost, broke, and devoid of meaning. It’s not a pleasant answer, but it was the best I had.

I wasn’t happy with it. So I decided to answer it in a better way.

It took me over two years to drop the weight. I went from two hundred and six pounds pounds, to just above one hundred and fifty. I had more energy, I felt better about myself, and I hoped I would live a little bit longer. As I was getting healthy, I was fighting my drug addiction. The two of them went hand in hand. If I wanted to live longer, I needed to control what went into my body.

I did not want the end to find me hunched over a toilet begging Jesus for forgiveness. I wanted it to find me taking steps to better myself.

Taking care of myself made me happy. I would look in the mirror and be proud about who was staring back. It was the first time that I mattered to myself. That was a feeling I had not felt for a long time.

The next step were my relationships. By this time, I had been alone for a decade. Throughout that time, I had no dates, or human connection. Yes, I worked and had colleagues that I would talk and laugh with; but there was no physical connection. I was starved for a hug, for a kiss.

The reason for this was simple: If the future was doomed, I didn’t want anyone relying on me. I could handle the chaos better if it was just me. It’s a logical conclusion to a certain outcome, but a lonely conclusion nonetheless.

So, as I bettered myself, I was gaining more attention from girls. I was talking to them more. I was becoming more confident in myself. This lead to a few dates, but nothing else. I was being picky when I should have been open. Eventually, I did find a girl whom I was madly in love with. It only took ten years, but the wait was worth it.

Throughout this transformation I learned two things:

Cynics aren’t wise, just cowards, and pessimists are failures. I’m happy to say I am no longer either.

Filling my life with meaning is a better strategy for dealing with the suffering of life, than wallowing in its inevitability. With that, I am able to answer how will the end find me.

I want it to find me engaged in generosity, with reciprocity, and free of animosity, but most importantly, loving to the ones whom I love.