Michael Kortlander - Writing Excerpts
“Michael dear, don’t go anywhere because I want nobody but you to ever write my pitches again.”
- Happy Client, KFC Ad (see below)
As a ghostwriter, my priority is staying true to the voice of my client. As these pages demonstrate, I adapt my style to each project’s specific needs. I have written 1,000+ pitches for commercials, music videos, TV shows and films. I also write everything from grants and website copy to books. When clients trust me with their most important jobs, it’s vital that we work together from a place of trust and share the joy of the creative process. I’ve had the privilege of working with people from all around the world, learning from each collaboration along the way. This document overviews a few highlights from the past three years.
In addition to writing, I also work as a commercial director. In this capacity, I have worked with people such as Awkwafina, Cynthia Erivo, Elliot Page, Myles Garrett, nomadic tribes in Africa, many bands, artists, and more. This experience has given me insight into another side of the creative process. I am able to seamlessly move between a leadership role or a supporting role, depending on the project.
For the curious: my website
And now, some writing highlights…
Selby Comes Home - Book Excerpt
Amazon
Songbirds can be heard from every room in Lisa Moir’s Mill Valley cottage. They are feasting on berry trees that line the property. She moved here in 2020 with her son, Fin, and daughter, James, and instantly fell in love with the home’s indoor-outdoor charm.
Snake plants, ivy, and fern lead to the backyard, which features a copper clawfoot tub used for after-school doll parties, candle-lit meditations and bubble baths. A Buddha statue left by the previous residents is lovingly cared for. “We'll go to the farmers' market and replenish the flowers together. It’s a little spot to meditate.”
Lisa combines Japanese influence with a love of handmade objects purchased directly from artists. “It’s modern eclectic, with salvage farmhouse treasures,” she says. “As a single parent with two kids, I’ve built this little life here in California. Our focus is just on time together.”
Megan Thee Stallion - Popeyes Ad Treatment
Traditional westerns were not made for people like us, and they especially didn’t star Black women as the heroes.
But now is a time for transformation. And Megan Thee Stallion is an icon who embodies this change. In our version, she owns the stage with her bravado, sexiness, and badass attitude. She’s the star we need today, a woman we truly admire and who is just as much a hero in real life as she is in this film.
I’m so excited about the fun and entertainment that her Popeyes Hottie Sauce powers can unleash into the world. With a unique visual style that is inspired by a classic Western as seen through the eyes of Megan, we’re taking viewers on an entertaining adventure as she chases the mysterious bandit from Houston to the final destination: our ‘old Western style’ Popeyes in New Orleans (which will be created on a backlot in Los Angeles).
On this crazy goose chase, Megan continues to feel stronger, sexier, and more heroic as she finally catches the masked villain who stole her Hottie Sauce. I want the audience to be completely taken aback when we finally expose the villain to be no one other than Megan’s alternate, outlaw, darker ego! Because who else, other than Megan herself, would have the audacity to mess with the baddest bitch in town?
KFC - Ad Treatment
REASON TO BELIEVE
Here’s an RTB for you. Fried chicken is one of the top-5 best things in life, and KFC has it in their name. There is a carnal dopamine rush when you chomp into a steaming hot tender or bone-in thigh. Mouth-watering, pupil dilating...
FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD.
WE’RE GETTING IN THERE THE WAY WE SHOULD
WIDE AND CLOSE
HEROIC AND TANTALIZING
PIPING HOT STEAM RISING
FRESH OUT OF THE FRYER CRISP
YOU KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT
MOUTH-WATERING ANTICIPATION
FOR THE FIRST BITE.
“YOU’RE ALL MINE”
Some folks nibble at the crispy edges of the chicken and work their way in. Some pull a pickle out with their teeth, catch a drip of sauce on their tongue, spear a tender on their fork, etc…
Craveability and appetite appeal are only buzzwords. They describe the food but miss out on what’s really going on. It’s about the kids who are grabbing the Mac & Cheese in a mad rush. That saucy drip of spicy mayo she wipes off her lip and licks clean...
CHEESE PULLS
CRISPY CRUNCHES...
SPORK THIS!
This is real, relatable, mouth-watering food that gets our tummies growling.
WE AMP IT UP TO 11 WITH YUMMINESS AND MESSY-DELICIOUSNESS.
Sherman Field - Jewelry Website Brand Story
Sherman Field is a fine jewelry collection featuring our signature 18k Yellow Gold ranging in hand-linked chains, custom precious and semi-precious stone textured gold photo lockets, one-of-a-kind Diamond pieces, and our refined, everyday Huggies and classic studs.
Sherman Field represents my commitment to quality, authenticity, and craft without compromise. Our jewelry is meant to be worn with power and grace by all ages. Whether it’s our solid, hefty Oval Chain Necklace, customizable Photo Lockets, or covetable Diamond Collection, every piece in the collection embodies the qualities of permanence and prestige.
We have partners with a Los Angeles-based artisan team to craft new designs the old-fashioned way under one roof.
These are treasured heirlooms meant to last for generations. Our prideful attention to detail creates an assured feeling of proportion, weight, and scale. It’s comforting. It’s balanced. It just feels right.
LeBron + Nike - Ad Treatment
How does a kid from Akron become The King?
Down 3-1.
Two month quarantine.
19th season...
There will always be haters, but we know who’s getting the last laugh in the end.
Personally, I don’t see LeBron slowing down one bit. For Drake and the rest of us here in Toronto, it was just a relief to see him finally go to the Western Conference and leave the Raptors alone.
But there is truth to this script. We can’t all be LeBron, but the story of man-against-time is universal. Never count us out. Not while the clock is still ticking...
For me, this is simple. It’s all about storytelling and story structure. You’ve got all the ingredients to make something really special for Nike. I want to make sure we heighten the stakes and create compelling drama that pulls viewers in – getting some big laughs along the way.
I’m approaching this like a condensed feature film. Giving it a 3-Act structure – an ‘all is lost’ moment for LeBron, and a big victorious moment at the end that makes us stand up and cheer for our hero.
With the comedic star power of LeBron and Drake, we’ll create a film that is as fun as it is inspiring.
Company About Page
WE ARE ___ CRAFT WITHOUT COMPROMISE
At ___, we approach every project like it’s our last. We don’t cut corners. We don’t cash it in. We roll up our sleeves and do the job right.
Whether it’s comedy, technical work, humanistic and emotional storytelling, or a project involving massive production design and VFX – our roster of directors have the expertise to deliver world-class results. They are passionate about what they do and take every project personally.
Collaboration is everything. You know your brand best, and we are here to help that vision to life. The cinematography, art direction, wardrobe, editing, and sound design must all work cohesively in service of the concept. And that’s why we only work with the best – diverse, experienced crews and an all-inclusive, team-oriented approach. We foster a creative, welcoming, no-ego environment where the best ideas are free to rise to the top.
Production is complicated and no two jobs are the same. We are on it. From the first call, we’re already developing the road map and sharing details with you every step of the way. Meticulous planning ensures that we are all on the same page – freeing us up to embrace a spirit of play and creativity on set. That’s when the magic happens.
World Clean Water - Nonprofit
World Clean Water is contributing to the international goal set by the UN to provide safe drinking water to everyone in the world by 2030. We are a completely independent 501c3 non-profit with a GuideStar Platinum seal of transparency.
We take a grassroots approach and form long-term relationships with every community we serve. We work closely with community leaders, as well as regional officials – currently focused in central Uganda. The goal is to ensure that our clean water projects are of world-class quality, sustainable, and built to stand the test of time.
Everyone in the community deserves equal rights to water, regardless of ethnicity, religion, gender or social status. Through detailed field studies where we interview residents before and after the project is implemented, we work to resolve any political issues that may arise and ensure that water is fairly distributed.
Each community establishes a local Water User Committee (WUC) – diverse leadership groups that include equal representation for women. We train the WUCs with everything they need to maintain and repair their wells for years and generations to come. We never want to see one of our systems fail.
David Schwimmer Waffles - Ad Treatment
David Schwimmer is making you waffles for breakfast. It’s that simple, and dammit we are sold. We love everything about this concept, and we have the team and experience to pull it off at the highest level.
In large part, ‘the highest level’ means stepping back and allowing David (or whomever we ultimately cast) to do their thing. That’s the “performance art” magic that makes this so special. The tone is atypical, but it’s perfect for the present moment. As you perfectly stated on one of our calls: It is high end, but stupid.
This should be a premium and cinematic experience throughout. It’s the opposite of a chaotic and cheap livestream. Ours is more of a curated, zen-like event where we get to soak in the schweet, schyrupy majesty of David’s ‘Schwaffles.’
Selby Comes Home - Book
Wharenui Harikoa means “big house of joy” in the Māori language. “Our home is a refracting prism of tūpuna (ancestors) that shines across the sky like a rainbow,” says Lissy Cole, who lives with her husband Rudi. “It’s a house that just wants people, wants gatherings.”
The neon colors recall phosphorescent sea creatures that were painted on the hull of canoes used by the family’s ancestors.
“We see the use of fluorescent wool as a way to navigate ourselves back to our identity as Māori,” Lissy says. “It really is just a statement of love for our people. There aren’t many of us in the world, and our culture is vulnerable – we need to be cherished and protected.”
