Okay, I have been struggling with being consistent in posting.

First, my brain fog has been INSANE. Does anyone else forget what they were doing or going to say, or struggle to complete a thought when it is important? Am I okay??

Second, I feel so out of place on social media. It is super invasive and doesn't feel as productive as it should.

Third, and most importantly, I believe I lost my motivation to share tidbits of my spiritual journey because I was figuring out where I had gotten in my own faith.

I love Jesus, obvi. But I began to feel that opening up my bible was obligatory. It was something I needed to do at the end of the day, just to catch myself losing focus and thinking about work or what I had on my to-do list. But being a Christian doesn't involve a checklist. We are not expected to be perfect or to be slaves to God, and I hope someone else finds peace in this free gift we've been given by Jesus!

I must admit, I was not excited to start another semester of bible study. Our move placed us further from the church, so Wednesdays require leaving after work to sit in traffic and put on a friendly smile for the women I do adore, but sometimes work moves my social battery to E (for empty). Initially, I felt like a hypocrite. They seemed to have a perfect balance, where everything in their lives had been figured out. I quickly came to realize that we are all searching, trying, and fighting for answers to achieve stability and peace in our lives - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually. Now, we only have 2 studies left and I am thankful for the conversations I've had over the last few weeks. God is always on time, no matter how much I may or may not be in my bible or if I am heavily involved in church. I love that being a Christian requires you to be honest and genuine about these internal struggles. I felt so guilty that the things I used to look forward to, that gave me life, had almost become chore-like. And as I sat there in attendance with the slight shame of how far I had strayed, I found myself surrounded by women who were also struggling with similar issues in their relationships with God.

I'm still a Jesus freak, and I pray I'll always be on fire for our man. So, I want to share some things we've touched on in our study that I think might breathe life into a lady, or guy, struggling.

"If you want to fall in love with Jesus, find him in the word" (Relevant scripture: John 1:1-3, John 6:63, Isaiah 55:11). Read your bible BUT do it to understand the gospel and connect with Jesus, not out of duty or to use a verse for your own advantage. Jesus paid our debts. We are loved, not indebted! With that being said, knowledge is beneficial with the right intentions. Spending time with God out of love and wanting to become more familiar with his character causes us to encounter an incredible transformation.

A question was raised that made me consider how I was living. "Are our thoughts driven by emotional reactions from our past choices, present choices, OR by our knowledge of God's word?". Yikes... As someone who now is undoing some emotional weirdness they enacted as a defense mechanism - I heard this one loud and clear! "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Galatians 5:1

What we give the most attention to will become the most influential. "'Everything is permissible for me', but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12

Forgiveness is not minimizing the offense or forgetting what happened, nor is it giving the offender(s) a second chance. It is choosing to release the hold that the offense has over you. Forgiveness also does not require the presence of both parties. Forgiveness can be achieved on our own! "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." Colossians 3:13

"The words we speak are a spiritual gauge, showing how much of our soul we have surrendered to God" AMEN! Luke 6:45 says, "A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart". Interestingly enough, at the time of this lesson, a woman at work said the absolute sweetest things to me. It was a rough day, and she was living proof of the message I was about to read over that night for bible study. Speak with intention. Speak life into others. If you want to evaluate the power of your words, imagine that the well-being of others was based on your attitude - what would their current condition be?

"God's will is whatever" You're probably reading this like huh? I know when I first heard it, I also did a double take. God's will is whatever you are doing. God's will is whatever your current situation is. God's will can be wherever, whenever, and in whatever condition.

An incredible woman spoke an amazing word over us recently. She said, "The Word of God is alive and active. It is always fresh. It is indestructible. It is a discerner of hearts. It produces growth because it is a seed that awakens life. You can never exhaust it." Simple, yet true and oh so powerful!

Christianity is not always nice and politically correct. We must confront things that are not from God. With that being said, love people and hate the schemes of the devil.

Thank you for letting me share some touching messages I have recently encountered. For whoever is reading this, go to that small group even if you don't feel like talking. Open up your bible even if you are intimidated by the 66 books full of love and life that God wants to pour into you. Don't feel ashamed when you are not the ideal version of a Christian, as we imagine we need to be. If we could be perfect, we wouldn't need a Savior. And I don't know about y'all, but I need Jesus even on my best days! Worship looks different for everyone, so remain aware and alert of where your heart is leading you, and what is influencing it.

Recent things I am grateful for:

long-awaited packages

friends in unexpected places

career opportunities

living room pallets & kind of ridiculous TLC shows

rearranging and deep cleaning

God's faithfulness

watching Barry turn a passion into a career through the love and support of people all across the world

cold fronts & rainy days

finding new Christmas decor

family get-togethers/hosting parties in our home

ending the night laughing on TikTok with Barry, Winnie, Barkley, and Miss Kitty

Starbucks releasing Christmas flavors

compliments from strangers