Suppose you’re wondering whether or not your relationship with yourself has a sturdy foundation. Ask yourself this, when I’m by myself, do I feel alone or lonely?

You might be asking yourself, what’s the point when relationships are meant to be shared with others? However, your relationship with yourself is an extension and reflection of how you will show up and experience others. Will you attract chaotic friendships, or do you prefer your company to be down to earth and mellow because you are? Knowing your interests, you can connect with others who share similar passions. What’s impressive about possessing hobbies is that you can take these skills, craft them into businesses, and even have a lucrative and fulfilling long-term future with time. The more you form a relationship with yourself, the more benefits appear in many areas of your life, from friendships, relationships, dating, love, and money.

The giant trap of getting older is trying to grow up too fast. You won’t feel this way until you’ve hit your late 20s and see the age of thirty looming closely. Typically, we think having the latest iPhone, makeup trend, or stylish fashion pieces is a baseline must. While sitting alone in school or not having a friend to partner with in class is a crisis. So much time, energy, and thought goes into keeping up, fitting in, and being cool as we age. It’s like being in a pressure cooker; with each passing school year, you and the people you’re forced to go to school with slowly simmer to a boiling point. Creating the burning sensation to get out, grow up, and be your person. It’s hard to imagine a world outside of school and the people we know and see daily. We can quickly become bogged down thinking we’re different than others, not enough, or maybe even misunderstood.

Look at many celebrities, influencers, and individuals who have made a killing and a life for themselves off of their quirky, irreverent, and obsolete personalities and imaginings. For example, Tim Burton and all the films he has directed over the years are known for their melancholy, dark, and eerie plots. Alternatively, look at social media influencer Brettman Rocks, who has made a name based on his silly videos and creative, unique personality. You can’t fear putting yourself out there to be seen authentically. You have to be different and think outside the box to create something that has never been achieved. At the same time, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel to begin diving into the hobbies or activities that pike your interest.

One minute we’re in elementary school without a care in the world. Laughing at lunch and playing at the park during recess. Next thing we know, we’re thrown into middle school, puberty, and, quite frankly, the awkward years until we graduate high school. Nevertheless, high school still comes with its quirks and cringe moments.

Why is no one talking about how fast we go from being kids to feeling like we can almost taste adulthood? Why does the pressure to conform and be liked by our peers become so heavy suddenly? All the while, everyone is experiencing this, but no one around us talks about it. Sure, when in the company of your closest friends, do you dare bring up your insecurities? But most of the time, we push them down deep within ourselves and attempt to hide behind a mask we think others will socially like, approve of, or feel is respectable.

The more you try to fit into the standards of those around you, the harder it becomes to differentiate between who you are and who you’re trying to be. It’s inevitable to change as you age, but there are two sides to the coin. On one side, you grow, switch, and move through the process of finding out who you are and what you like. Alternatively, the other side of the coin is that you wear many social masks and hats to gain popularity and seek validation from others, all in an attempt to fit in.

Friendships come for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some come into your life for a little while others remain throughout the years. Just like a plant, you have to water, tend, and invest time and energy into them being healthy and symbiotic. Sure, you will have falling outs, disagreements, and qualms, but true friends always come back around. There is a baseline acceptance that is the foundation of long-term friendships. Over the years, no matter how much you may change or begin to differ from one another, you still feel like family.

How did making friends and playing in elementary school feel much easier than in grades 6–12? I don’t know about you, but the middle school years feel isolating, and high school feels cliquey. You were either in with it crowd or weren’t; there wasn’t much in between. One of the most complex parts about creating healthy friendships as you get older is deciphering who’s truly a friend or is possibly a foe. You can’t always tell if someone truly has your back and can hold your secrets; only time can tell. Especially when we’re all trying to figure out who we are deep down.

You are who you hang with, and you are who you surround yourself with; if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? These sayings may sound familiar; maybe you’ve even found your parents rhetorically asking you once or more. While it may be easy to oppose this, there is weight within what is being asked. No… you probably wouldn’t jump off a bridge if your friend did, maybe if you were attached to a bungee cord? However, you are unique with your thoughts, feelings, and afflictions. Who you spend most of your time with will eventually influence your perceptions and perspective on life. Whereas you might’ve never thought of drinking alcohol, you might ponder if all your friends do so every weekend. Subliminally, you will attune to the frequency, energy, and outcomes of those you kick it with. Choosing wisely might be confusing; you might wish you had a map or guide with the answers. You’d do it if there were a simple way since it’d be easy, right? You will always be presented with different routes to take in life’s journey. Some routes are quicker, more challenging, right, wrong, and getting to know yourself is the only way to know what’s best and suitable for you.

Although your confidence and self-esteem’s foundation begins at home and during early childhood development, there becomes a time when you separate yourself from the family and look at yourself as an individual in the world. Sure, you might still live at home, get fed dinner every night, and have your mom make your doctor’s appointments but shit, you’re on the come-up to being an adult, right?! As you gain individuality, your confidence is further constructed or destroyed through your everyday environment, social circles, school, friends, etc.

There needs to be more focus on the importance of healthy friendships and their impact on personal development and exploration of self. Negative, disempowering, or toxic friendships can lead to self-esteem issues, trouble, bullying, or physical/emotional hurt. Knowing yourself is the key to finding friends you feel comfortable, accepted, and inspired around. Alternatively, maneuvering through fake friends is more difficult if you don’t know who you are, what you like doing, or dislike. True friendship doesn’t have to be said because it is mutually felt.

Having true friends and community builds self-confidence. You feel seen, heard, and validated by others like you. There is power in having a shared connection to others, and that’s why you always see close friend groups romanticized on tv shows like Friends, New Girl, or Seinfeld. When you feel accepted for who you are without having to try or do, you feel empowered to show up as the leader of your life instead of a follower.

How do we all go to school and endure the pain and shame of getting older, yet no one wants to talk about it? It’s easy to get self-conscious and feel there might be ‘something wrong with you’ or that you’re different than the rest. Feeling inadequate, slightly awkward, anxious, or average, we can shift the stigma around feeling alone or sad the more we talk about it. School is where we’re all forced to conjugate and communicate, but outside of this place, we never honestly know what others are going through or experiencing.

Nobody said that being yourself, speaking your truth, and making the right personal choices is easy. It’s not, and a part of the process is a failure, shortcomings, and bumps in the road. Resilience grows within people who don’t give up but adapt to life’s hiccups and continue to show up anyway. It takes guts and self-confidence to express yourself fully without fear of judgment from others. In a world where judging, mocking, and bullying are the norm, it takes true self-power to shine your light regardless of what others’ opinions are. Essentially, when you can validate and hype yourself up, the naysayer’s loose their power because you’re in control of how you feel and view yourself. That is power. That is a leader. That is how you have a voice that will be the voice for many. Most aren’t as far along or maybe not as strong as you. Be a visioner and trendsetter, do it for yourself, and watch the people and friends that are aligned and attracted to your life.

Before the responsibilities of bills, car liabilities, and rent take precipice, making money tends to come after socializing and spending time with friends. Most of us don’t have the pressure and necessity for having an income. There tends to be more emphasis on academics, grades, and the future of getting into a good college. All the while, this is especially prominent and, indeed, should be your primary focus while in school. Most teenagers choose friends over working a weekend job because school takes up most of their time, almost like a job would. As the years begin to pass, the next thing you know, you’re now classified as a young adult. Priorities and responsibilities begin to shift, and the need for money grows. Starting with the urgency to get a car, you need money for gas or food out with friends. A little here, a little there, and next thing you know, you’re searching for a job at your local Chick-fil-A or grocery store for a weekly income.

The biggest thing you can do for yourself is find something that you’re good at, enjoy doing, and that brings happiness or ease to you while doing it. This can be a skill like sports, playing an instrument, art, music, or writing. From a young age, the best thing you can do is focus on becoming a pro at one thing you love. You can, of course, enjoy and be good at many hobbies or talents; there is no limit. However, having one skill you can hone into, craft, and be the best at, is your ticket to making income. However, it will be a small income and not feasible. It’s something, and over time, it will grow, and it gives you something that you can always fall back on in life, whether it’s teaching instruments to others, hosting yoga classes, selling your art, or helping others by fixing cars or household appliances. The options are endless, but the key is finding something you love, money included or not.

The average teenager between 15–18 years old is focused on friends, school, and hobbies. Spend time getting to know yourself and what you genuinely like and dislike doing and experiencing. The more you can build a relationship with yourself, the quicker you can decipher what you’re good at naturally. We’re all blessed with hidden gifts, skills, and abilities, and it’s our responsibility to explore, find, and cultivate these aspects within us. Take these skills and talents into the world and watch what magic unfolds in your life. It’s beyond your wildest imagination what you’re capable of creating!

We spend so much time trying to be the perfect version of ourselves; for many, it’s for the validation of those around us. When we spend time trying to impress or get others to like us or see the value in what we offer, we take away from our power and worth. When we’re young, we spend most of our time trying to figure out who we are while fitting in; anyone who doesn’t fit in is labeled weird, lame, not one of us. Then you grow older and find the most significant caveat: the bold, strikingly different individuals who don’t fit into society’s norms; those are the trendsetters, the revolutionaries, the ones who leave a footprint different from the rest. Those are the people who inspire others, who give a voice to others to shine their unique lights too. To be unapologetically yourself shows and permits others to feel safe enough to do the same.

Like a game, life is meant to have obstacles, setbacks, tests, and triumphs. We’re all playing our own game of experiencing the world and being a winner or loser in ours. No one else has control besides us. We choose how we spend our time, who we invest our time into, and how we want to show up in the world. Anything and everything is attainable; it comes down to how much you’re willing to bet and believe in yourself and how resilient your stay. Failure is a natural part of life; it gives you feedback on how to win and get better, don’t fear failure, don’t fear success. You are powerful, believe in yourself, and permit yourself to be powerful. Watch how much your world opens up and changes with a perspective switch. With this new perspective, go out into the world, be bold, take risks, bet on yourself, and never give up.

The relationship with yourself shows others how to treat you.

Don’t let others’ perceptions of you tamper with how you view yourself, what you like, and your boundaries. Don’t be afraid of being yourself; it’s how you find true friends.

Feeling self-conscious is normal, but talking about it isn’t. Break the stigma around discussing your insecurities; it’s empowering and helps you overcome them.

There is power in being true to yourself; this is the time to discover and create who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. Infuse time into your passions, hobbies, skills, and aligned friendships.

Money isn’t a big priority as a teenager, but remember that hobbies = side gigs = side money = money that builds over time = hobbies that are built into businesses or lucrative income streams.