Why do we expect our partners to make us laugh?

Why do we expect our partners to make us laugh?

We all struggle with the question, because who really knows what they want? Brown hair, blonde hair, youthful, mature? But everybody wonders. “What do you look for in a partner?”. No one seems to have a consistent answer. But there’s that one trait that everyone seems to crave. Humor!

“They can’t make me laugh too much”, said no one ever.

So, why? Is it because I’m funny, and so they have to be too? Or do opposites attract, and I’m really not amusing, so I expect them to make up for where I lack?

A 2013 survey by Doctor Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas revealed that couples who found their partner funny tended to be more overall satisfied in their relationship (Hall, 2013). This seems to have a pretty simple explanation, as most people gravitate towards a happy and amusing spouse to spend time around. This study displays that perceived funniness is actually more important to the well-being of a relationship that actual funniness. We essentially lean towards people who enhance our own sense of humor and generate humor with us; the comedic quality isn’t what matters. Hall shows that jokes which poke fun at your partner, although maybe amusing to other people, decrease relationship satisfaction.

A 2011 questionnaire from a United States university found that there is also a high level of contrast between partners in rated comicalness (Cann, 2011). We usually rate ourselves as being funnier than our partners, and that partners who find themselves to be equally as funny are not more satisfied in their relationships. Having a comedian as a partner might not be where you’re going to find happiness but having someone who’s laughter you find contagious might be.

What seems to be important, is that we can laugh with our partner. Being funny isn’t really what we are looking for, but someone who laughs when we laugh. Cracking corny jokes that make your wife laugh is more likely to help you find a happy relationship that being a stand-up comedian with harsh, hilarious, lines.

In the end, maybe differences and similarities aren’t what matters in your perfect partner. The bottom line is, harmonizing with each other and agreeing on the small things, like what late-night talk show you want to spend your time laughing at, might just be the key.