Jessica Salas on Instagram: “Episode 8: *CW - reliving su*cide …

Episode 8: *CW - reliving su*cide bereavement* I haven’t written anything in a while and it mostly has to do with my dealing with trauma and still reading back who I thought was a friend said to me: “No but Jess I love you and I’m happy you’re doing the work to process what you’ve been through. However fishing for sympathy and baiting responses is very real even if it is subconscious. These things can and should be handled quietly…” “…I am truly sorry for your loss. I think all of this should be handled personally but I have no say in the matter. Nor should I.” I didn’t cry in the moment of doing compressions. I didn’t cry in the moment of relaying all of Devin’s information to the paramedics and police. I didn’t cry when I first saw him in the hospital while intubated. My first time having a very hard cry was 3 days after and reading these messages. Now, this is not me “fishing for sympathy” I know I really put my life out there. I always have and I do it because I have always felt alone. I don’t expect anyone to understand what I’ve gone through. I do want people who have gone through similar experiences to not feel alone. Depression is a fucker that tells you, you don’t have a support system. No one cares about you and you will never make an impact. I’ve realized that I yearn for a community. I wish for people to understand and be empathetic to what other people are going through. No matter how big or small our hurt is. I know I’m guilty of not understanding and immediately judging someone. When things I would read or listen to someone’s story that seemed uncomfortable I’d pull away and make a dumb remark. It was my lack of understanding and closing myself off to something more than myself. I think us as humans work better when we know our neighbor. We live in a hard world imagine, what it would be like if we were a little softer towards one another? And if you don’t like what I post. I’ll say it one more time… kindly see yourself out. ♥️”.