6 min read

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Mar 18, 2021

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Transitioning to virtual dates can be a positive or negative experience

Picking up her phone, 20-year-old DeSales University student Cassidy Klein scrolls through her options. She swipes left, right, yes, no, maybe so. She marks off her checklist of desires and interest, as she navigates her way through the many bachelors. “He looks cute, let’s see if he’s a match,” Klein quietly says to herself. Finding her perfect match is much more than checking out a dating profile image. With social distancing guidelines in place, it has become even more challenging to meet people and go on an old-fashioned date.

Many Americans, like Klein, have turned to dating apps as a way to connect with people and go on “virtual” dates during the pandemic.

She has always used social media platforms to meet people, even before the pandemic started.

“Everything started virtually, whether it was meeting people through a dating app, or DMs on Instagram,” Klein said. “It’s hard not being able to go out and having to do everything virtually because I feel like you don’t experience the whole vibe, and I am very much a vibe person.”

Finding that perfect social media app has helped Klein meet people with more ease.

“I personally used Hinge for a little bit because I was living in a completely new state and wanted to just meet people around there, or back at school,” she said. “I thought it was probably one of the better apps just because all you can do with the other person is text.”

Klein was eventually able to turn several of her online meet-ups into real life connections.

“I did meet up with three people from this app in person,” Klein said. “One has turned into one of my really good friends now.”

Online dating can open your eyes to new opportunities and be a positive experience, she said.

“Dating in the pandemic, I think, gives you more time to actually really get to know someone,” Klein said. “It forces you to have more conversation whether it’s over text, or FaceTime, or anything of the sort.”

According to a February 2021 article by Wall Street Journal, dating apps have increased in usage by 12.6% since the pandemic began last year.

Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd talks about dating during the pandemic during a CNN interview in January. Source: YouTube

While many people are willing to date during the pandemic, some, like 23-year-old Arizona State University student Devin Whitmire, have their guard up.

“I honestly haven’t put much thought into dating during the pandemic because I’m not trying to catch COVID,” Whitmire said. “Plus, I’m moving soon, so I don’t really see the point.”

Dating apps do not attract him to join. Whitmire said he has learned from his past experiences.

“I actually do my best to avoid dating apps these days,” he said. “They were cool when I was 19, but now that I’m a bit older, they aren’t really my cup of tea.”

Whitmire said he isn’t knocking down virtual dating. He understands the attraction to it and acknolwedges that people have their own free will to decide what’s best for them.

“I think dating now and before the pandemic pretty much depends on the person,” Whitmire said. “Some people are distancing themselves and becoming hermits, while others are continuing on like normal from what I’ve seen. I guess it just depends on how serious you take it.”

Whitmire said that as he’s matured, he’s looking for a more serious and mature relationship, which can be a bit challenging at times.

“I think the most challenging thing for me these days is I’m not really into the short term stuff anymore,” Whitmire said. “As I’ve gotten a bit older, I find myself looking for stuff long-term, and that is much more enjoyable to me”

Elizabeth Poloskov is a therapist at California State University, Northridge and helps students navigate their relationship issues and challenges.

“I have been a psychologist at University Counseling Services for three years and I have been working in college counseling for the past 10 years,” Poloskov said. “I love working at CSUN. I think our students are smart, hardworking, resilient people. I am proud to support them in their journeys.”

Poloskov helps students through many different types of relationship challenges.

“Oftentimes, the issues that people work on when it comes to dating and relationships are issues that people may experience in other types of relationships,” Poloskov said. “For example, conflict resolution, effective communication, setting and maintaining boundaries, how to end a relationship, toxic relationship dynamics and how to maintain your sense of self while in a relationship.”

Working with her students, Poloskov has noticed a shift in how young adults are dating and interacting during the pandemic.

“Many of the students I interact with are opting not to start dating new people or at least not to meet up with people in person right now,” Poloskov said. “They are connecting on social media, Facetime, Zoom sessions, Discord, etc.”

The pandemic has put a dent in normal dating activities.

“The pandemic has made casual dating and meets up riskier,” Poloskov said. “People now have to take into consideration the risk of exposure to COVID-19, how being around another person can impact the family members or other people with whom they live. People are trying to find creative and affordable ways to safely go on a date. They think about whether or not to get tested and quarantine prior to meeting up, etc. All of these things were not a part of the dating scenario prior to the pandemic.”

There is one thing that has remained the same when it comes to relationships and interactions.

“What hasn’t changed is people’s desire to connect with others,” Poloskov said. “We are wired for human connection.”

Connecting with people and feeling isolated can be tough to deal with, due to social distancing guidelines. According to Poloskov, CSUN offers group sessions that can help anyone feel a bit more connected without the pressures of trying to date out of fear of being alone.

“All groups offer an opportunity to engage and connect with other students. During the pandemic, with increased social isolation, groups provide a space for connection and community so that students don’t feel so alone. We have several different types of groups that provide different benefits,” Poloskov said. “For example, we have skills-based groups like ‘Love Your Selfie,’ which focuses on building self-esteem and self-compassion. We have support groups like women’s support, LGBTQIA+, and men’s support groups.”

California State University Long Beach student Giselle Ormeno, 24, said her dating habits have not changed since the pandemic began. She said she’s focusing on other goals.

“To be honest, it has been the same as it was before the pandemic,” Ormeno said. “I don’t date or go on dates, because of being busy, building my career and excelling at school.”

Ormeno has experimented with dating apps, but she’s more old-fashioned when it comes to dating and relationships.

“I don’t use dating apps at all,” Ormeno said. “I tried it once, and found that my interest always fizzled away after one date with the guys I connected through dating apps. Perhaps, I’m a bit old-fashion in the sense that I rather meet someone organically.”

Ormeno has hope that she can safely meet her special someone in person, once the pandemic is over.

“I’m hoping with the vaccine rolling out that things slowly go back to some normalcy,” she said.

Dating and relationships can be tricky, no matter what the circumstances are. Everyone has their own standards and expectations when it comes to their relationship goals. But people don’t have to walk the dating path alone.

Poloskov reminds students that support groups are beneficial.

“Support groups provide a safe space to share experiences, give and get support, vent, celebrate and connect,” Poloskov said. “We have process groups called ‘Understanding Self and Others.’ I encourage them to consider the group because it provides a space to explore patterns of relating to people and the opportunity to try out new behaviors and ways of interacting.”

For more information on CSUN’s UCS groups, visit https://www.csun.edu/counseling/therapy-groups-and-workshops