PSEUDOMNESIA (ZINE)

pseudomnesia, translating to “false memory”, is a play on the words pseudopapilledema and amnesia, combined to reflect on both the physical and psychological aspects of memory loss, due to trauma. The optic nerve, affected by pseudopapilledema, serves as a metaphorical gateway to the visual realm—one that extends beyond the physiological to encompass the emotional and psychological landscapes.

a continuation of my project REDACTED, pseudomnesia dives deeper into the connection of childhood trauma and memory loss, through the blurred shadow of pseudopapilledema, seen usually only through the lens of a fundus camera. The small shadow that has the power to take your vision represents not only the physical manifestation of my condition, but also the metaphorical distortion of my own memories and perceptions. A symbolic representation of obscured memories, trauma-induced distortions, and the complex interweaving of past experiences.

pseudomnesia shows vague memories blurred by the shadows of the optic nerve, signifying the obscured recollections and the subtle yet profound impact of pseudopapilledema on the visual narrative. The pervasive presence of blue throughout pseudomnesia serves as a multifaceted symbol, encompassing the hues of hospital corridors, the clinical light of diagnosis, and the emotional resonance of anxiety and coldness deeply intertwined with my own experiences and the broader themes that I explore.

I often think if I had access to more resources, where would I want my work situated? a gallery, a digital space? for me, pseudomnesia would be exhibited in the Victorian Central Hall at St. Thomas’ Hospital (mock ups below).  the Central Hall holds a deep personal significance, as I often had to walk through it during my many inpatient stays when I was diagnosed with pseudopapilledema. exhibiting my work here is important to me, as it offers a curated space for deeper engagement and validation within the walls of the same hospital I spent so much of my time in. It provides legitimacy to my practice, connecting me with diverse audiences, including patients who can uniquely relate to my work. 

I had the privilege of participating in a private exhibition titled "assortments," held in london from june 1st to june 2nd. while the venue was not as iconic as St Thomas’ Hospital, it provided a unique and intimate setting to showcase selected works from pseudomnesia. in this immersive environment, viewers could contemplate their own experiences with illness, memory, and healing, fostering empathy and understanding.

 

redacted vol 2: pseudomnesia 

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