A Mother’s Love
The basement was dingy, dusty, and creepy. But she had to get the place cleared out before the new owners moved in. For as long as Robin could remember she was terrified to step foot into the basement of her grandparents' ancient house. Most people have happy memories from time with their grandparents, but that wasn’t true with Robin. Her grandmother hadn’t been just a grandmother, she had to take on the role of mother when Robin’s mother disappeared. Robin was 4 years old the last time she saw her mother, well the last time anyone saw her mother.
The musty smell of the basement scorched Robin’s nostrils as she descended the stairs into the darkness. The basement was almost empty; there was just one more room of boxes to go through. One stack was labeled with different Christmas decorations. That whole stack was nothing but trash to Robin, so she marked an X across them with red duct tape. She moved onto an old chest in the corner. She could tell it had been there for years because the dust around the bottom of it was thick and dark. Robin had to kneel on the ground to open the chest. Inside were women’s clothing, pictures, baby blankets, and an old diary. Robin recognized these things as soon as she laid eyes on them. These were her mother’s belongings. She had asked her grandmother so many times if there was anything she could look at that was her mother’s and the answer was always no, of course. Robin sat on the floor and picked up the diary as she struggled to read the first entry through the tears filling up her eyes.
October 31, 2001. Today was Robin’s 4th Halloween and she was dressed up as Barbie from that new movie, damn does she love that movie so much. I can’t even stand to watch it anymore, I only do it because the joy it brings my baby girl is enough to get me through every other shitty thing happening in my life. We moved back into my parents’ house a few weeks ago and I already can’t wait to get out of this hell.
November 23, 2001. Holidays are supposed to be happy. These are moments I am never going to get back with my girl. But they just keep ruining things. If I had the money to move us out of here tomorrow I would. I know that I had money hidden away in my bedroom but I can’t find it anymore. It would have been enough to get us started. I am scared. We need to get out of here.
As Robin read the words her mother had written twenty-one years ago she couldn’t breathe. She felt as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs and she couldn’t pull anymore in. She couldn’t remember the holidays her mother was writing about but she understood. Her grandmother was a heinous woman and made sure that any day that was supposed to be happy was exactly the opposite of that. She kept reading even though she almost didn’t want to know what was coming.
November 28, 2001. I finally have enough money saved to get out of here. We won’t have a place to stay but I have a friend in Stillwater who we can stay with. We will be safer and happier there. When I was a kid I could ignore my mother’s words and even heal from her beatings, but not now. Seeing the marks on my daughter’s back are different. I never wanted her to go through the same things I did in my childhood, so we are getting out of here. We are leaving one week from today and I cannot wait.
The tears were gone but Robin was left in shock. Her mother planned to take Robin and leave. She couldn’t understand what happened to make her mother change her mind and leave without her. The world was still but Robin’s head was spinning.
December 1, 2001. Things are getting really bad. Mother pulled me into the basement today and whipped my back until the blood dripped down my legs and onto the floor. Which I could normally handle but Robin saw. She watched the entire thing. She saw me, an adult, her mother being treated like a child. I can’t wait to get us out of here. If that woman lays hands on me or my child one more time I am going to lose it. We are close enough to leaving that if I say something it won’t even matter. I have begun to hide this diary in a chest at the end of my bed, in case she comes snooping. Better days are coming I can feel it. Stillwater will be good for us.
December 3, 2001. Mother has locked me in my bedroom and taken Robin. We got into a heated argument and I hissed back at her that she wouldn’t have control over me for too much longer, I told her that Robin and I were leaving. I shouldn’t have done that. I knew she was horrible but I never thought she would have the guts to kill me. But that is what she is going to do. I am weak and can feel the drugs she is putting in my water coursing through my system. I hope this diary will find my Robin. She will grow up thinking that I abandoned her, but I was trying to get us out. I tried Robin. I love you.
Her world was crashing down. She spent her entire life thinking her mother was out there somewhere waiting for her to escape the house of horrors so they could reunite. But there was never a chance of that, Robin knew that now. She reached back into the chest and found a Ziploc bag with a strand of her mother’s hair inside of it.
Written by Emily Radza
