Photo by
I used to be a terrible conversationalist. I would zoom out in the middle of conversations, the urge of wanting to pitch in was far greater than listening.
Not until I became more self-aware and learnt that we always have something to learn from any conversation we enter.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a conversation is defined as a “talk between two or more people in which thoughts, feelings, and ideas are expressed, questions are asked and answered, or news and information are exchanged”. It is a dialogue between two or more people.
Like anything in life, a conversation requires a balance between talking and listening. It has got to have a speaker and a listener.
Celeste Headlee an American radio journalist, author and public speaker, shares some insightful tips on improving conversational competence. And they’re as follows:
1. DON’T MULTITASK
Be present. There’s no better tip than actually being in the moment. Don’t cloud your head with thoughts on unrelated things. It’s okay for your mind to wander but always be sure to label those thoughts and shift your attention back to that moment.
2. DON’T PONTIFICATE
Set aside your opinions and go into every conversation like you have something to learn. You don’t know it all. keep your “strong” opinions to yourself and even when you need to share them, do it modestly.
3. ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS AND AVOID CLOSE-ENDED QUESTIONS
Open-ended questions give the speaker a chance to elaborate and keep the conversation going. It’s also a great indicator to show that you’re interested in what they’re saying.
Open-ended questions usually begin with why, who, when, what, and how. On the other hand, close-ended questions could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.
4. GO WITH THE FLOW
Resist the urge to interrupt or interject with unrelated information. Let irrelevant thoughts come and go.
5. IF YOU DON’T KNOW SAY YOU DON’T KNOW
It’s okay to say you don’t know. Remember you don’t know it all. Be eager to learn a thing or two from every conversation you enter.
6. DON’T EQUATE YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THEIRS
It’s not the time to “show yourself”. Refrain from relating your experience with theirs. Yours and theirs are not the same.
7. TRY NOT TO REPEAT YOURSELF
Repetition is boring. If you have a point to make, make it and move on.
8. STAY OUT OF THE WIND
Leave out vague and lengthy details. There’s absolutely no need to go back in time. Cut to the chase.
9. LISTEN
Yup, listen. Pay attention. If your mouth is open you’re not learning. As Stephen Covey said, “Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply.” and that’s true. A lot of us are just waiting for an opportunity to talk back.
10. BE BRIEF
Go straight to the point. A good conversation, Celeste Headlee says, is like a miniskirt, short enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject. Avoid beating around the bush and say what you have to say.
IN A NUTSHELL,
Be interested in other people.
Close your mouth and keep an open mind.
Listen and share your opinion without judgement.
Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, comment, clap, and follow me. If you’re new here, stick around for more amazing content. I’ll see you in my next article.
